Sunday, May 19, 2019

What to write about

My intention for this blog was to be funny and to share stories from my past. I have taken a turn into more self helpy, relationship and female exploration, the past few months/years.

I have found value in revealing myself and sharing details that may bring value to whoever reads this. I don't always enjoy knowing that people may know certain things about me, but I enjoy when other people sacrifice parts of themselves to create relatedness. It's also a way to satisfy my ego or put myself out there and be digested by folks. 

I have been very interested in women and relationships recently. I have done a lot of research on women, seduction and dating. I find it interesting and have more fin dating now. And, with having gone through a traumatic, long distance break up. I realized that I had been neglecting a lot of what I have been learning in this realm, in pursuit of keeping the relationship alive. I was angry for awhile, and regretful of having stayed in a relationship that I could have left awhile ago, and moved on before things got so ugly. 

I felt very hurt, and I victimized myself for how the relationship ended. I later realized that everything I did, allowed for it to end the way it did. Everything I ignored about her came out, and I felt I was being "punished" for being naive and ignoring reality. 

I am now single and dating, working a full time job, graduated college and performing improv shows regularly. I am writing songs, booking solo shows and creating other performance opportunities. My life is seemingly back on track completely. I have the necessary boxes checked that I wanted to have checked at this point. I still have a lot of thoughts about my life, and want a lot more with it. I thought I might feel differently if I had all of these boxes checked, but also knew that I wouldn't be "fixed".

I don't want to share some of this. I would prefer that my family not know some of the things I share on here. And I also get that not giving a fuck would better serve me in some areas. People will read this if they want, and people will stop half way through, or not bother at all. 

We are all going to be dead someday, so why does it matter what people think of you? Well, we have to deal with them and their opinions while we are alive. So other people's opinions seem like they have importance.

In general as people, we care about what we do, what others do, and how we are perceived by the people in our lives. So we abide by societal rules that puts lids on our self expression and our potential. We live by the direction that the voice in our heads try to steer us, and we think that the voice in our head is how life really is. We think the voice in our head is right, but it is mostly just trying to keep us out of harms way, or prevent us from being fully alive. 

I don't know what I'm really saying here. I don't feel I have put enough effort into this blog this year. I don't know if I really give a shit or if I am just manufacturing it. I don't want to appear as weak, I want people to like me, I want to appear as deep and authentic. I want people to read this and get something out of it, and to think more like me. I want to figure everything out, and I don't want to struggle, I want to be comfortable. I want to be getting blown all the time, and I know that that would get old.  I want to make ignorant trash raps songs that are nothing like this blog.

Thursday, April 4, 2019

My one day stand in Bath


The day was APRIL 3rd 2018

This was during my Easter Break in England. I had just had a series of adventures in Southern Ireland for a week. I went to Dublin, Galway, Ennis, Killarney, and back to Dublin, then came home to Bath for a couple of days. I had been abstinent for two weeks taking part in NoFap, (a popular phenomenon of refraining from pornography, masturbation and sex. Which I have taken on again this month of NoFApril) I was feeling happy and confident, and had a really productive morning, then I went to the gym. 

I went to go to the lockers I would  normally go to, but all of them were taken. So, instead I went up the stairs to the gym area to put my stuff in the lockers there. I was walking up and saw a beautiful girl. She kind of held the door open for me, she had a humungous and beautiful ass, and she had dark hair and brown eyes, I followed her to the lockers.

She took a locker to the right of me and I said hey, she said “Who me?” I said yeah, I asked for her name, she told me it was Beccy. I told her I was at Bath Spa University studying acting for the semester, obviously she noticed I was American. She said she was at a University in Newcastle (Northern England) studying medicine. It was very flirty and playful, then she left to go work out and I went on the treadmill.

I ran for a bit, then saw her at the leg machine and approached her again. We talked a bit about Newcastle and some other stuff, she told me that she was from Bath and was home on Easter break, I left her alone and lifted some weights after a few minutes.

Later she was in the stretching area. There were four mats on the stretching area. She was on the second one, and there were two girls on the third, and some one on the first one, so I went on the fourth one. I stretched there for awhile, I was thinking about asking these two girls to switch with me for awhile before I finally did. They did switch with me and Beccy smiled as I sat next to her and we began to talk again. She was extremely sexy and alluring, I was aroused and hard basically the whole time we were talking on the mats. It was so flirty and hot, our faces were getting very close in this gym. I added her on Facebook and said I looked forward to seeing her the next day. I messaged her later that night and suggested we meet up at a coffee place tomorrow, and she agreed.

APRIL 4th 2018

I waited for a couple of minutes in this coffee place until she arrived. We drank some coffee, and chatted, again throughout our entire date I was basically erect. We had a great chat, she was very curious and interesting. I suggested that we go somewhere else, and whenever I would name a place she said she didn't want to go there. She was quite stubborn. Instead she wanted to drive me to a different town called Bradford on Avon, so we got in her car and went there.

It was a beautiful little town, we walked around for a bit and then got some lunch. I asked her what the craziest thing she’d ever done was. She said that she broke into an abandoned home and had sex with her boyfriend on the roof of it. She talked a bit about having sex in public as well, (In bathrooms, on playgrounds etcetera).

We walked around a bit after lunch, it was a beautiful day, we saw a cat walking on a ledge, we pet it for a bit. Later we were walking down some steps, I was in front of her and stopped to kiss her, as she was more on my height level to do so comfortably. (She was 5'2).

We drove back home and I let her know that I was attracted to her and wanted to have sex with her. She was giving my minor excuses for awhile, but I knew she wanted to as well, then she said she would if she could find somewhere to park. Which we did.

We parked up and walked past my friend Bamf who smiled and winked at me. We went up to my room and had a 20 minute shag.

I walked her back to her car and said goodbye, I then walked over to Bamf and talked about what had just happened. He was my buddy that I made over there, he worked as a street vendor, and was someone I visited often.

This was a great and unique experience and a chance happening that I am proud of pulling off. She was a girl that grew up in Bath who was back on her Easter Break, and I was only back for two days during my Easter break and connected with her randomly. I also found that afterwards I was thinking of ways that I could have had more fun with her, and still in amazement that it happened.

After she left I watched cartoons in my room for a bit. Then I went and hung out with my parents and sister, as they’d come to England to visit me for about a week. We went on a trip together around Bath, Oxford, Liverpool and London. That was the best sexual part of the best Easter break of my life so far. 

This happened a year ago today 4/4. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

"Behind every great man, there is a great woman."

This is not entirely true. There are plenty of great men who are not married or involved in monogamous relationships. There are even great men who died as virgins such as, Nikola Tesla , Sir Isaac Newton, and J. Edgar Hoover. So this quote is inaccurate, and I find it to be women trying to take credit for the great things that men do AKA trying to bring men down.

Read this article in it's entirety before commenting or judging me, it is extensively thought out.

To me, some of Feminism can be bringing men down to the level that women are at in comparison to men to "be equal". It feels like making what it is to be masculine a bad thing. MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT. Women are better at other things too.

Other comments like "The future is female" is frightening to me. What is going to happen to men, especially "great" men if "the future is female"? The phrase on it's own sounds like women are going to take over men.

Toxic masculinity is talked about a lot, and toxic femininity is not very often. Which are terms that are not concrete or easily definable, by the way. Just like MISOGYNY is talked about a lot and thrown around frivolously. And MISANDRY is a term that a lot of people are not even familiar with.

Here is Candice Owens who speaks on Feminism, in a male positive way.

Women do great things as well, I just don't find it valid that because they are with that great man, that they deserve the same level of credit that the great man gets. I imagine that the great man will give his wife or girlfriend credit for supporting him if he is awarded something.

BECAUSE, on the flip side, great men are also at risk of being taken down or taken advantage of by a woman. This is extremely evident in history and in society. Look at Kobe Bryant, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Derrick Rose, and Patrick Kane. I would consider their athletic abilities and level of financial wealth to be "great". They have all been accused of things by women, and accused publicly, and more harshly, due to their "greatness" and level of celebrity. So, behind these "great" men, were women who accused them of certain things, or were rewarded financially for being married to them, then divorcing them. 

Yes, there are men in these positions with great wives and marriages, but their is also high risk for these men. And I'm saying, that men should be careful when entering into a relationship. 

Many men in entertainment, athletics, or in other positions of power and wealth are at risk of being taken advantage of by a woman. Generally, women find power and wealth to be attractive, among other things. Certain women go for these men, even (especially) when these men are married or have girlfriends. Women are more attracted to men who other women want. 

This is in nature and in history. Straight women can have adverse reactions to single men, their thoughts may be, "Why is he single? Something must be wrong with him." Where as, if he has a wife or a girlfriend she may think, "If he can please that woman in bed and keep her around, I bet he could please me in bed." Not all women are like this, but I'm sure many women have had these thoughts.

Men at certain levels of status are tempted by many women, when they make themselves available to these men. There is a level of power and temptation that beautiful women possess. Men being visual creatures, we are attracted to beautiful women, and certain men give in to these levels of temptation. Then they get divorced from their wives, and end up paying them A LOT of money in alimony. With more money than is necessary, they pay based on what they are worth.

It is put brilliantly and hilariously by Bill Burr right here.

Men are also accused of something by women who are trying to get a payout. Like Derrick Rose and Patrick Kane, these two men who could walk in to any bar in Chicago and meet an attractive and willing woman to sleep with. Thinking about this logically, it is highly unlikely that either of these men had to force themselves onto women for sex. Their charges were dropped, because the claims were made out of trying to get a payout. 

I'm not saying that all women want to take men down, and that men don't do irresponsible things with their genitalia. I'm just saying that women are not always the victims, and men are not always the cause of the damage.

It is in men's nature to want to have sex with a lot of beautiful women regardless of being married or in a relationship. With laws and social rules, it is frowned upon and punishable when a man cheats on his wife or girlfriend. A lot of people don't like what it is to be a man. In my opinion, that is a part of the modern feminist movement. That men are constantly oppressing women. Masculine men being people who take bold risks and break through barriers is how our country was founded and built. Creating the modern platform for people to complain about it and criticize it without being murdered, ostracized or imprisoned like in other countries.

There is a lot of manipulation in the world. Especially with dating, and in relationships. People are not honest with their intentions, and the consequences of duplicity are inevitable. Men and women both manipulate each other without noticing it as well. People want things from other people, and are not totally honest with their intentions, due to the possible consequences of being totally honest.

Don't get married to someone if you want to sleep with multiple people. Let people know that you are not interested in monogamy if that is the case.

I think there are both great men and great women in society. There are also bad men and bad women in society, who want to seek revenge on the opposite sex and take advantage of people. For their money, material objects, looks etcetera. Straight men want to be with lots of different partners, and women want a man who will stick by them and not mess around with other women. 

WHY?!??! I have my own theory... Back in caveman times. Cavemen were roaming around and sleeping with pretty cave ladies. These pretty cave ladies got pregnant. Then these cavemen kept going around getting more cave ladies pregnant. Of course the cave lady wants this caveman to be there for her while she is pregnant, and when she gives birth to the cave baby. So they can raise this baby together, and make it a productive and effective human being. Men don't always want to do that, it feels good to get with lots of cave ladies, but there becomes a responsibility when getting someone pregnant, and raising a child with that person. This makes sense in a modern society with rules.

A lot of men get women pregnant, then they leave. Which leaves the mother alone to raise her kids by herself. Of course women are pissed off at men for doing this among other things, and want men to take responsibility and to be something other than their nature. Because this kind of male behavior happens, and creates more human beings not being raised by two parents.

My theory bleeds into casual sex and relationships too. It is the baseline for how heterosexual men and women are with each other. In general, men want a lot of different women, and want to have lots of sex, and in general, women want a stable partner who won't sleep around with other people. The opposite can also be true too, because women like sex just as much.

Women are just as horny as men, stop pretending like you are a prudish good girl when you just want some good dick. There is nothing wrong with that. The clitoris has double to three times the amount of nerve endings that the tip of a penis has. So this myth that men are hornier than women is not true. 

In society, there is a double standard of players and sluts with men and women, and it's bull shit. People should not be shamed for having or wanting a lot of sex. Go have fun and get some good sex. Just don't lie or fuck anyone over to do it. 

These are all my own thoughts, interpretations, and ideas about men and women based on my own research, experience, and opinions. I am open to discuss this with anyone. 

I have issues with Feminism and Misandry, most people don't know what Misandry is... if you don't, then Google it. Misogyny is a word that is thrown around a lot and frivolously, and Misandry is not. 
I think men are being made to feel wrong for being masculine. What is happening is against nature. It will not end well if all men are turned into submissive beta males.

Men and women both do great things, let's appreciate what we both can do. I say we all let each other have our fun, and stop getting so fucking offended.

To quote the great Jim Carrey, "Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes." Smh.