Language is used to create life, and a lot of us use language to comment on life. We all have opinions, about our family members, our friends, people, politics, and social issues, etcetera. We have thousands of thoughts everyday, and nothing is ever perfect in our lives, so we project and comment about other things. I am guilty of it too. We have a choice, everyday to use language to create in our lives, or to comment on what others are creating.
People have a lot to say, especially when someone else is getting a lot of attention for something they disagree on. Just look at celebrities, some people love them, and some people hate them, and certain people feel the need to speak out, people like to be heard and understood.
In doing something noble, or bold, or controversial, people around you are going to have comments and opinions about it. Especially if they disagree with what is being done, or if they don't have much going on in their own lives to be proud of.
I experienced this quite a bit in going to Columbia College Chicago, where being a straight white alpha male is basically frowned upon. I was in the minority, which I don't mind, at times I felt wrong for being who I was, and in general, not very accepted. I met some really cool people there, but overall, the ideologies and philosophies of most students there didn't go along with my own. I made attempts to be kind to some of these students, and was ignored, so I gave up on going out of my way to be nice to people who didn't reciprocate mutual respect. I am grateful for all of my experiences at this school, I learned from them all, and met some other awesome, independent thinking, and talented people.
In the beginning of this year of 2018, I spent 6 months studying in England, with a lot of students who were mostly quite younger than me. Being the American student popping in for only 6 months I can understand that people had a lot of thoughts about me. I came from a different culture, with my own intentions, and I did some things that got some reactions. I'm sure people said a lot of things about me, and may continue to. Again, I met some amazing people, who were great to me, and who I consider friends. This experience changed my life and was absolutely incredible, I grew so much and am grateful. Having said that, being American, I felt misunderstood at times, as our culture is different, and my actions and words were seen through English eyes.
I met a lot of people, and did some things that people did not agree with. I have experienced some feelings of remorse, as certain things did not go as I'd planned, or didn't end well. I left England, and won't be going back anytime soon, and want certain things to be okay. Ultimately I was trying to make a difference for people, while honoring myself, and things got messy at times. I have love for everybody I encountered there.
People like to spread juicy gossip, and exaggerate, and spread rumors and all of that. It's an easy way to avoid your own shit. Also, being an actor, a lot of us have issues with being insecure, and like to look at other people by nature. It is much easier to look at other peoples faults rather than search for and notice your own and attempt to improve.
When gossiping, the truth can get muddied, and facts can be altered. People also have their own narratives running through their heads, based on what has happened to them in their lives, and how they were raised among other factors. Things that we see, and information and events are filtered through our personal narratives, and there is only so much you can do to get people to see things your way. So trying to get everybody to see your exact point of view and where you are coming from, is basically impossible.
I want people to like me, and I want to be understood, but compromising who I am is not okay for me. Getting people to like you for who you are not, will require you to keep being that person for these people to keep liking you. Being who you are unapologetically, allows you to find the "real" people who will be your friends, and weed out the "pretenders". These "real" people will like and appreciate you for who you are, and for being and honoring yourself. Like Dr. Seuss said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." I be that Dr. Seuss quoting manes.
I found at times that I was people pleasing, and that can result in being mistreated, and feeling unfulfilled. I was compromising who I was, and what I wanted some of the time. When I went to England, I wanted to learn, to explore, to meet people, and especially meet women. I found at times I was cautious about going for what I wanted, out of fear of being judged, fear of being gossiped about, and being ostracized. Being that I was most likely never going to see these people ever again, "I had nothing to lose" but as a human, I wanted to feel accepted and understood, while also feeling personally fulfilled. I also care about the affect I have on people, and how they are left due to my words and actions.
Gossiping brings negative energy to the person who gossips. I think a good rule to know if it is gossip or not, is to think "Would I say this to this person's face?" Because if you were to say this to the person's face, then you actually care about them, and would be doing it to allow them to improve from this information. Based on what it is that was being said, would you actually say it to the persons face?
I have heard some people I consider to be "nice", say some nasty things about other people. And as a bystander witnessing gossip... Why wouldn't this person say something nasty about me when I'm not around? That is a signal that is being given off to the people you are gossiping to.
I sometimes get upset when I think about people that don't like me, and are possibly talking shit about me. Although, I should get used to it, being in pursuit of comedy, writing, hip hop, acting and that kind of stuff where criticism is part of the game, and people aren't going to like me for being me. And for pursuing my dreams and being creatively productive. More people will become exposed to me and my views with the more success I gain. So it's all part of it, and it's all training and development.
I love and care about people, and it's best not to talk shit about them, in my opinion. It is better to send out positive vibes, and receive positive vibes from the universe, and the people in your lives. Because we are all going through life together and separately, and a lot of us are struggling. So you're better off being kind, or minding your own business, and creating your life with language and actions! Happy holidays!
