Friday, December 22, 2017

Chicago to Bath

I am in the middle of living in Chicago and going to Bath England for six months. There are some moments of feeling stuck, and incomplete on what I have to do to finish registering for stuff over there. I have not made a post on this blog in about three months. I always stop myself... I almost just did right now. I was about to delete this and play video games instead.

It's been the Christmas season, and I haven't felt that Christmassy. I haven't seen any Zoo Lights or seen a decent Christmas tree in person. That's fine, I'm expanding as a person I guess is what I tell myself. I have had a desire to see certain people, my neighbors, a lot of friends, certain women I have interest in... But I am leaving the country for six months in less than two weeks and feel that the time has passed to pursue them. And that I'll be leaving so soon, and will have to say goodbye to even more people. In a way I have been living like this for the past two months, or my entire life.

What am I trying to say here, just live in the moment as best as you can. I feel like I don't know how to do this anymore.

I make playlists on YouTube and don't ever really listen to or watch them. I mostly just create them out of the fantasy of possibly watching or listening to all of them when I have "made it" and will have all the time necessary, without any anxiety or feeling of "I need to accomplish something".

I am always doing something wrong, or making something wrong about myself or others. So I am working on that, and it is hard, when I get high I feel that intensifies, and when I can't reach the top of the mountain in Skyrim for one of the first missions, I feel I am wasting my time. And I don't get why they would make it so god damned hard to climb to the top of "The Throat of the WORLD" on a beginning mission.

I am doing good in the improv and stand up world to my standards, almost seeing too much live performance, which is an amazing problem to have. I will miss the Chicago scene a lot, it is fantastic, and will hopefully find something similar in Bath.

What has kept me from posting on here is the fear of being judged and people saying "I don't care, why are you writing this?" This is not for you, this is for people that enjoy me, and I will be posting pictures of England when I am there to share myself and my experiences. So thank you to anyone who is a fan of me, who reads the entirety of this post, and to whoever tosses doodies on the freeway.

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