Thursday, August 24, 2017

NoFap, porn and masturbation

I find porn to be momentary pleasure followed by shame, guilt and general discontent. I feel physically uncomfortable afterwards a lot of the time, and ashamed at what I was watching to get off. And am ultimately faced with whatever I was avoiding, prior to ejaculation.

I have often caved when I am sat on my laptop in my room, and the best way to avoid temptation is to leave my room or even better, my apartment. But what happens is I begin to talk myself into doing it. "I have to shower anyway" "I won't be able to do it later because I'll be too busy." "I won't be able to concentrate on anything else with all of this cum inside of me." Any number of excuses and reasons for me to do it, my brain will jump to insane reasoning when I want to do it.

Having discovered NoFap now, I understand that it is possible to go weeks, months, and years at a time without getting off. And obviously, nobody needs to watch porn ever. NoFap is an online forum with the philosophy of porn being damaging to your brain and social skills. And it's easy access allows us to be lazy, and seek instant pleasure from watching porn, rather than going out to meet potential partners. Here is a link to getting started with NoFap if you have an interest in checking it out, DO IT. It has made a huge difference for me, and gave me the confidence to create amazing experiences while I was in England.

It "feels good" to watch porn and to masturbate. That is strictly short term and satisfying an immediate want. I'm not shaming anyone for doing it, it just doesn't work for me in a lot of ways. It is absolute instant gratification. Followed by grief and anger. Porn is evil to me, it is so romanticized and blows sexual reality out of proportion. It often times leaves me wanting whatever I was watching, and angry that I cannot have it, fueling jealousy and animosity. A hugely indulgent guilty pleasure. I have gone about a month now from not watching it, and I still feel it's grip, and it invades my thoughts. So it has a serious effect, and it takes time to let your brain heal.

Porn is a strange thing, it being men and women in great physical shape and attraction who are recorded having sex for us regular folk to stroke to. It is a crazy thing that it is so available and FREE, and abused! There is a payoff of disconnection and loneliness. What messed me up is being able to watch it and jerk off  to it before I ever had any real contact with a woman. This made me work backwards in the dating realm.

Watching too much porn will result in my expectations not being met by a real life sexual experience. When it's on a screen we don't have to deal with the smells, the hair, the feelings, dealing with someone else after you cum. (That boils sex down to a horribly selfish act). And pornstars are professionals, so they are able to perform moves that a potential partner cannot. Sometimes I'm not that excited to see a tit because I have the ability to click a few buttons and see a LOT of them, digitally enhanced, and exactly how I like them. It becomes a very selfish endeavor to cum, rather than "make love" to someone, or just have sex where both parties benefit equally enough.

I have told myself that I can't go more than 3 or 4 days without doing it or it will mess up my brain and body. I have to do it so I can shoot these sexual desires out of my body and be able to be productive and creative, and not think about it anymore. I don't like to focus my writing and performance on sex, I feel it can be hack, and I don't want to sexualize myself. I have since gone longer than 3-4 days, my longest streak being 2 weeks. And it is okay, and in fact amazing in some ways. I have experienced great benefits like increase in confidence, and the ability to not sexualize everyone, when watching a lot of porn you relate a lot of other things to sex.

Channeling your sexual energy into productivity (sexual transmutation) is actually an amazing thing, exercising will power, and allowing your semen to give you its nutrients. There are a lot of benefits, I suggest researching sexual transmutation if you are interested in this. It is also known as semen retention, allowing yourself not to cum to get the physical and mental health benefits of your own magic, and not shooting it out after feeling an urge. Here is a great video on it. Because if you think about it.... Our semen allows life to be created inside of a woman, so if we keep it for ourselves, imagine what it can do for us! It can invigorate more life in ourselves.

But being 24 years old, I am horny. I would jack off every hour if I didn't get physical and mental side effects. But it takes away from wanting to go out and talk to other people in search for a connection with them and the universe. We don't need sex to survive anymore, we are now overpopulated. But that instinct and urge is still there for most people to procreate.

If you are struggling with this as a man, look into NoFap, it has made a difference for me. There are benefits for women too I imagine, at least with porn for sure. Looking at that stuff creates a cycle of misery with other people, and we don't need it in our lives.


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