Go to this link below. I go more in depth about what I've experienced in listening and seeking mentor ship from others.
http://www.wikihow.com/Actively-Listen
I struggle with this a lot. I'm constantly catching myself going other places in my mind. Whether I'm watching TV, reading a book, sitting in class, talking with someone in person or over the phone. There is something about being given information that my brain resists. I want to hear what is being said but I can't seem to control my thoughts and fully zone in on what's being said. It's a constant struggle to be present, as the past and the future inform everything. I often times believe that what I'm thinking is right. I know that what is being said has value, but my mind thinks it has the answer already.
Listening is more than hearing, you're registering what is being said and reciprocating with words that follow. My friend Junie McGraw is an amazing listener, and is great at recreating what has just been said. He actually cares about what is being said and contributing to it.
"Anything you want for yourself or your life is one conversation away." - Not Sure
Being listened to is one of the greatest gift you can give or receive from somebody. It validates your existence and empowers you. Listening is a sharing your ears for some one else. Listening to someone is gratifying, people like to talk about themselves and if you let them and ask good questions they'll appreciate you and share themselves. In politics no one is listened to, they are just waiting to get their next point out to try and prove the other person wrong. THERE IS A REASON WE HAVE TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH.
"Listening is Doing." - Sandford Meisner (I think)
When you find yourself trying to be right, or proving someone wrong just listen to them first. Don't hear them through the filter of "You're wrong, I'm right." No body likes to be "proven" wrong, but if you allow them to discover for themselves through your listening then they can prove it to themselves. Have EMPATHY.
"The defeated are always left unhappy." Buddha
I seek mentor ship from lots of folks, and they are all happy and grateful that I am reaching out to them. And of course the best way to listen is through empathy versus "You're wrong, I'm right." If you want more empathy in your life, talk to my good friend Lou Agosta!
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Self Improvement
First off, here's how to win at life... http://www.wikihow.com/Win-at-Life
I am constantly searching for new things and learning. Looking stuff up online, taking classes at Landmark and improving as an improviser/performer/person. Not to toot my own horn, I'm trying to sound humble about this.
With Trump as president people like to lash out at him and the world and complain which changes nothing. I don't get why people protest, I have nothing against it, but I don't see the effect it has (Because I've never been to one). It seems like a fun place to meet people and be angry and involved in a group/mob. I'm sure it's entertaining, but it's not going to make him not the president anymore.
I can effect myself and my immediate environment, I can't effect the world without working on myself and listening to the people I care about. I do Improv at Nursing homes and it's fun (usually) and the residents have a deep appreciation for us being there. I feel good about that, I'm effecting these people positively. That's something I can personally effect, complaining about what's wrong with the world doesn't. I can't effect politics. You don't have to give a shit about my opinion, but I'm not going to care about your political opinions, especially if you're a young person.
I saw a show at the Annoyance "How the fuck did we get here?" and to me it was a masturbatory one man political performance about the government and the history of Chicago. I don't critique stuff usually, but since he was critiquing everything else I feel I can. It wasn't FUNNY FIRST, every comedy show should be FUNNY FIRST!!! I don't care about your agenda, it wasn't funny enough to forgive him for trying to make me angry about the greed in society and white guilt. The only people I hear about white guilt from is other white people. "Yes I am evil, as a straight white male" I get it! There was no call to action, just this guy complaining about what has happened. Pointing the finger is so easy to do. I respect the fact that he put up a show in a venue, but it was not for me. Look at yourself and see how you can improve and be a leader in your environment.
This was supposed to be a positive post. Everyone has the right to their opinions, and I don't want to stifle anyone's creativity, but focus on improving yourself so that you can share that with others and actually help them, rather than critique society. You'll always find something wrong with something... Here's a few tips I've picked up on self development.
1. Be honest with yourself
Brutally. Look at what you're doing and not doing and ask, why am I doing or not doing this? What am I avoiding, resisting, withholding, protecting from the world. Am I on my phone ALL THE FUCKING TIME? Am I actually nice to people and not just claim to be. Am I presenting myself as a good person on FaceBook? Or am I actually being a good person. To quote the great SHAWN SHAW "People want to look good versus bee good."(I want to keep listing things that I see other people do that piss me off, but that would be/is saying the opposite of what I'm trying to get across.)
2. Share with others and listen
I used to see sharing as "I'm wasting this person's time." Sharing breaks down barriers and allows authentic communication. Once you share with someone, they will share with you. People like to talk about themselves, so ask about them! Whatever boundary your putting around someone is in your head. People will tell you stuff that's been on their minds for years! Human beings are amazing! I've gotten so much life out of having conversations with all types of people. We're all the same, we all have red blood in our veins and we use language to communicate. You'll discover other people and more about yourself. So talk to people!
3. Expand your environment
Being in Landmark for a year I have met hundreds of people. I've become friends with 45 years old Asian women, 60 year old white guys, 40 year old black police officers. I can share ANYTHING with them and vice versa. We're open to listening to each other and coaching each other on what we're dealing with in our lives. Being a coach in Landmark has taught me how to listen to what people are dealing with and what they are committed to.
4. GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE
LOOK AT SOMEONE IN THE EYES AND FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY ARE DOING IN LIFE. Smart phones are ruining people. No one is forced to reckon with other people or the world, we all can escape by drowning ourselves on a screen. Your missing life, and what's around you. Your literally limiting your vision and your abilities to connect as humans. It's frustrating talking to girls because you have a mini computer to compete with. In a college class when the teacher says "5 minute break" Everyone just pulls out their phone and doesn't talk to the other students. You might make a new friend, you might know the same people, you could be from the same town. Ya funkin bunch of jackasses! You don't know what you don't know about other people, just ask them.
UNLESS!!! You are calling a friend or family member to reconnect
I'm sure there are more ways, I'm getting angry writing about this. It's not that bad, people are amazing creatures and we're all the same. I'm sure this post is full of hypocrisy but I'm expressing my opinions which you can chose to not follow. It's just a matter of sharing in all areas of life.
I am constantly searching for new things and learning. Looking stuff up online, taking classes at Landmark and improving as an improviser/performer/person. Not to toot my own horn, I'm trying to sound humble about this.
With Trump as president people like to lash out at him and the world and complain which changes nothing. I don't get why people protest, I have nothing against it, but I don't see the effect it has (Because I've never been to one). It seems like a fun place to meet people and be angry and involved in a group/mob. I'm sure it's entertaining, but it's not going to make him not the president anymore.
I can effect myself and my immediate environment, I can't effect the world without working on myself and listening to the people I care about. I do Improv at Nursing homes and it's fun (usually) and the residents have a deep appreciation for us being there. I feel good about that, I'm effecting these people positively. That's something I can personally effect, complaining about what's wrong with the world doesn't. I can't effect politics. You don't have to give a shit about my opinion, but I'm not going to care about your political opinions, especially if you're a young person.
I saw a show at the Annoyance "How the fuck did we get here?" and to me it was a masturbatory one man political performance about the government and the history of Chicago. I don't critique stuff usually, but since he was critiquing everything else I feel I can. It wasn't FUNNY FIRST, every comedy show should be FUNNY FIRST!!! I don't care about your agenda, it wasn't funny enough to forgive him for trying to make me angry about the greed in society and white guilt. The only people I hear about white guilt from is other white people. "Yes I am evil, as a straight white male" I get it! There was no call to action, just this guy complaining about what has happened. Pointing the finger is so easy to do. I respect the fact that he put up a show in a venue, but it was not for me. Look at yourself and see how you can improve and be a leader in your environment.
This was supposed to be a positive post. Everyone has the right to their opinions, and I don't want to stifle anyone's creativity, but focus on improving yourself so that you can share that with others and actually help them, rather than critique society. You'll always find something wrong with something... Here's a few tips I've picked up on self development.
1. Be honest with yourself
Brutally. Look at what you're doing and not doing and ask, why am I doing or not doing this? What am I avoiding, resisting, withholding, protecting from the world. Am I on my phone ALL THE FUCKING TIME? Am I actually nice to people and not just claim to be. Am I presenting myself as a good person on FaceBook? Or am I actually being a good person. To quote the great SHAWN SHAW "People want to look good versus bee good."(I want to keep listing things that I see other people do that piss me off, but that would be/is saying the opposite of what I'm trying to get across.)
2. Share with others and listen
I used to see sharing as "I'm wasting this person's time." Sharing breaks down barriers and allows authentic communication. Once you share with someone, they will share with you. People like to talk about themselves, so ask about them! Whatever boundary your putting around someone is in your head. People will tell you stuff that's been on their minds for years! Human beings are amazing! I've gotten so much life out of having conversations with all types of people. We're all the same, we all have red blood in our veins and we use language to communicate. You'll discover other people and more about yourself. So talk to people!
3. Expand your environment
Being in Landmark for a year I have met hundreds of people. I've become friends with 45 years old Asian women, 60 year old white guys, 40 year old black police officers. I can share ANYTHING with them and vice versa. We're open to listening to each other and coaching each other on what we're dealing with in our lives. Being a coach in Landmark has taught me how to listen to what people are dealing with and what they are committed to.
4. GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE
LOOK AT SOMEONE IN THE EYES AND FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY ARE DOING IN LIFE. Smart phones are ruining people. No one is forced to reckon with other people or the world, we all can escape by drowning ourselves on a screen. Your missing life, and what's around you. Your literally limiting your vision and your abilities to connect as humans. It's frustrating talking to girls because you have a mini computer to compete with. In a college class when the teacher says "5 minute break" Everyone just pulls out their phone and doesn't talk to the other students. You might make a new friend, you might know the same people, you could be from the same town. Ya funkin bunch of jackasses! You don't know what you don't know about other people, just ask them.
UNLESS!!! You are calling a friend or family member to reconnect
I'm sure there are more ways, I'm getting angry writing about this. It's not that bad, people are amazing creatures and we're all the same. I'm sure this post is full of hypocrisy but I'm expressing my opinions which you can chose to not follow. It's just a matter of sharing in all areas of life.
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