Friday, December 22, 2017

Chicago to Bath

I am in the middle of living in Chicago and going to Bath England for six months. There are some moments of feeling stuck, and incomplete on what I have to do to finish registering for stuff over there. I have not made a post on this blog in about three months. I always stop myself... I almost just did right now. I was about to delete this and play video games instead.

It's been the Christmas season, and I haven't felt that Christmassy. I haven't seen any Zoo Lights or seen a decent Christmas tree in person. That's fine, I'm expanding as a person I guess is what I tell myself. I have had a desire to see certain people, my neighbors, a lot of friends, certain women I have interest in... But I am leaving the country for six months in less than two weeks and feel that the time has passed to pursue them. And that I'll be leaving so soon, and will have to say goodbye to even more people. In a way I have been living like this for the past two months, or my entire life.

What am I trying to say here, just live in the moment as best as you can. I feel like I don't know how to do this anymore.

I make playlists on YouTube and don't ever really listen to or watch them. I mostly just create them out of the fantasy of possibly watching or listening to all of them when I have "made it" and will have all the time necessary, without any anxiety or feeling of "I need to accomplish something".

I am always doing something wrong, or making something wrong about myself or others. So I am working on that, and it is hard, when I get high I feel that intensifies, and when I can't reach the top of the mountain in Skyrim for one of the first missions, I feel I am wasting my time. And I don't get why they would make it so god damned hard to climb to the top of "The Throat of the WORLD" on a beginning mission.

I am doing good in the improv and stand up world to my standards, almost seeing too much live performance, which is an amazing problem to have. I will miss the Chicago scene a lot, it is fantastic, and will hopefully find something similar in Bath.

What has kept me from posting on here is the fear of being judged and people saying "I don't care, why are you writing this?" This is not for you, this is for people that enjoy me, and I will be posting pictures of England when I am there to share myself and my experiences. So thank you to anyone who is a fan of me, who reads the entirety of this post, and to whoever tosses doodies on the freeway.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Damu the Fudgemunk

I'm a big time fan of him. I started listening to him about 4 years ago.  He is a trip hop DJ and producer who makes dope ass instrumentals. Here is one of my favorite of his new songs

The Highlight Zone

It is great music to write to, relax to, and to get into a good chill and abstract mindset. I mostly listen to this kind of music now. I love hip hop, but don't feel as accomplished when I am just sitting around listening to music with words. With instrumental music, I can do other work while it plays in the background. You could argue that I am not truly listening to the music if I am doing other things on my computer, but... What the heck. Check out more of Damu the Fudgemunk, he is a bad ass

Over throne

He has a bunch of albums, "Overtime" "Sparetime" 5 volumes of "How it Should Sound" And his newer one "Vignettes" I suggest listening to them all at some point in your life, you will enjoy him!
Obviously I am listening to him right now as I make this.

Monday, September 4, 2017


We judge everything, judgement rules. Any decision that is made comes from judgement. Judging based on what's good or bad about something, and what is to be gained or lost. Without judgement we would be lost and confused in what to do and how to operate. So it is important to judge things objectively to accomplish goals, and judgement is something that affects us with other people.

I judge myself a lot of the time, and it will prevent me from doing things I want to do. I will judge other people, on how they look,, act, talk and how I do these things also. I then judge them on how I feel they are judging me. It becomes a cycle of judgement that refuels itself, and I'm not really hearing or being present to the person I'm interacting with.

A judgement I have on myself is, "I haven't been through enough hardship in my life, and am too good looking to be involved in comedy." I feel like an asshole when I say that. And that is me judging myself around my own judgements of myself, I think.

I have postponed putting this out into the universe out of fear of being judged by you the viewers. But if you did not judge this, that means that you didn't read it.

I thought I had more to expand on judgements, but I don't right now. I am judging my ability to write, and am also judging my level of performance as a writer. And I am expecting myself to be able to write more.

I am adding to this a year and a half later now. I think that we all have judgements in our heads of what people say, what we say to people, etcetera. But we don't always have to share our judgements and opinions of these things. Most of the time people don't care about your judgements or opinions, and that is my own judgement and opinion.

Something I have been in my head about is giving unsolicited advice versus withholding information from people. I used to overshare a lot and give advice to people because I was trying to help. I have had some experiences of sharing these thoughts and opinions that has caused hurtful things to happen, so I have taken a step back from doing it.

I don't really have any answers, I want answers but life doesn't really work that way. Lighten up, we're all going to die someday, so we're all on the same team. 

I woke up at 4am today because of the pain I felt in my pinky from cutting it on a can of beans that I thought I could use but couldn't. I'm judging the beans, I'll leave the beans alone.

One of the great improv team names that was created in a short period of time was "Beans where there shouldn't be beans". I liked that, and I enjoyed it quite thoroughly. 

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Obsessed and Caring

Things like eating, sleeping, and drinking aren't obsessions I don't think, but we are addicted to them, we need them to survive. We are also addicted to our phones for the most part. When I wake up, one of the first things I do is look at my phone, look something up, play a game or listen to something from it. I go to the bathroom with my phone almost every time. I notice it sometimes and leave it in my room, but very rarely. It makes no sense to me why I would NOT look at my phone while I make doody. I think I have an obsession with sex, cumming and the like. Having taken a week break from punography and masturbatin', the "magical essence" of it was lost and doing it felt silly and arbitrary. I don't know when the next time I will do it will be, and WHO CARES! I'm mentally obsessed with when I will do it next, and what it means that I did it yesterday and what that says about my character. I have been attached to how long it has been since I did it. When it really makes no difference and it doesn't matter and NOBODY CARES! I don't have to or want to relate everything I do to sex.

I am definetly obsessed with comedy and TV and film. I don't know how to classify it accurately, I'm not a doctor or a psychiatrist, but there is definite obsession in my life. I also took a week off of drinking, and when I drank a few beers yesterday for the first time I felt like I had lost something or let myself down for breaking the streak. I put weight and meaning on things that don't require them, just like anything, there is not meaning or weight on anything until it is put there by us.

I am obsessed with the burn scars on my wrists and hands. It's almost the first thing I think about when I wake up. I have to re remind my self that I did that, and become re present to them on my skin. The shame that brings me from having to look at them every fucking minute. I have done a lot of work on alleviating their appearance physically, mentally and emotionally. The more I obsess over them, the worse they get, what makes me feel better is focusing on other things in life and being in action around what I want. It sucks that they are there, but I'm better off accepting their presence, forgiving myself and moving on.

Doing improv, or any type of performing along with sex allows me moments of being fully present. In my head I want to be doing those things all of the time. Because of the overwhelming excitement and joy that they bring me. This is not entirely true, but is a thought I've had and it is still true to some degree. There is a LOT more to life than these things, and being grateful and enjoying the little things like having a great conversation feels good.

I don't have full blown OCD, I do get anxious and depressed, and I think they all feed into each other. I don't know much about mental illness, but one thing I do is ruminate. About my scars, my past, things I am not doing and want to do. The only real cure within my mind is realizing that I am ruminating on something, and acknowledge it's existence. "I am continuing to think about this, I will think about something else or do soemthing else, and this thought may still come back." 

Like myself, I'm sure you all are thinking "Wow, Luke is really smart, how did he get so smart?" I have gone through a lot of therapy over the past eight years or so. I am no longer in therapy, and am no longer on antidepressant medication. The biggest thing that has helped me has been my education with Landmark Worldwide. It teaches about how your brain works, how we behave as humans to each other, and provides tools that allow you to take action around areas in your life that are important to you and where you are struggling. I no longer need to pay someone to listen to me, to tell me what I'm feeling and what that means. Because I have met people within Landmark that will listen to me, and give me coaching and advice that can be put into measurable action. I can also take action on my own without the help or coaching from others. One thing I did in therapy that I didn't like was wait until I saw them to take action. Delaying what I wanted to do until I could get their advice, setting expectations for them to fix my problem, and often leave disappointed. Because nothing will change without taking action. You can get all of the advice in the world, and read every book but without action that information is fucking useless!

I still have a lot of gratitude and thanks to give to my various therapists I've had throughout my life. I am lucky that my parents were willing to allow me that luxury of talking to professionals about my brain and my life. I learned a SHIT load about myself from doing it, that's where I learned about ruminating and what to do with those thoughts that snow ball in my mind. If you are in therapy that is great, it's an amazing thing to be listened to, and continue to go.

I'm not sure if this was a rant, or more of me over sharing, but I write this in hopes of helping you all willing to read, and to give insight on areas that I'm dealing with in hopes that you all can relate. Thanks for reading :)

Thursday, August 24, 2017

NoFap, porn and masturbation

I find porn to be momentary pleasure followed by shame, guilt and general discontent. I feel physically uncomfortable afterwards a lot of the time, and ashamed at what I was watching to get off. And am ultimately faced with whatever I was avoiding, prior to ejaculation.

I have often caved when I am sitting on my laptop in my room, and the best way to avoid temptation is to leave my room or even better, my apartment and go outside. But what happens is I begin to talk myself into doing it. "I have to shower anyway" "I won't be able to do it later because I'll be too busy." "I won't be able to concentrate on anything else with all of this cum inside of me." Any number of excuses and reasons for me to do it, my brain will jump to insane reasoning when I want to do it.

Having discovered NoFap now, I understand that it is possible to go days, weeks, months, even years at a time without getting off. Obviously, nobody needs to watch porn ever. NoFap is an online forum with the philosophy of porn being damaging to your brain and social skills. It's easy access allows us to be lazy, and seek instant pleasure from watching porn, rather than going out to meet potential partners. Here is a link to getting started with NoFap if you have an interest in checking it out, DO IT. It has made a huge difference for me, and gave me the confidence to create amazing experiences. One in particular while I was in England.

It "feels good" to watch porn and to masturbate. That is strictly short term and satisfying an immediate want. I'm not shaming anyone for doing it, it just doesn't work for me in a lot of ways. It is absolute instant gratification. Followed by grief and anger. Porn is evil to me, it is so romanticized and blows sexual reality out of proportion. It often times leaves me wanting whatever I was watching, and angry that I cannot have it, fueling jealousy and animosity. A hugely indulgent guilty pleasure. It invades my thoughts. So it has a serious effect, and it takes time to let your brain heal.

Porn is a strange thing, it being men and women in great physical shape and attraction who are recorded having sex for us regular folk to stroke to. It is a crazy thing that it is so available and FREE, and abused! There is a payoff of disconnection and loneliness. What messed me up is being able to watch it and jerk off  to it before I ever had any real contact with a woman. This made me work backwards in the dating realm.

Watching too much porn will result in my expectations not being met by a real life sexual experience. When it's on a screen we don't have to deal with the smells, the hair, the feelings, dealing with someone else after you cum.  Porn stars are professionals, so they are able to perform moves that a potential partner cannot. Sometimes I'm not that excited to see a tit because I have the ability to click a few buttons and see a LOT of them, digitally enhanced, and exactly how I like them. It becomes a very selfish endeavor to cum, rather than "make love" to someone, or just have sex where both parties benefit equally enough.

I have told myself that I can't go more than 3 or 4 days without doing it or it will mess up my brain and body. I have to do it so I can shoot these sexual desires out of my body and be able to be productive and creative, and not think about it anymore. I have since gone longer than 3-4 days, my longest streak being 2 weeks. And it is okay, and in fact amazing in some ways. I have experienced great benefits like increase in confidence, and the ability to not sexualize everyone, when watching a lot of porn you relate a lot of other things to sex.

Channeling your sexual energy into productivity (sexual transmutation) is actually an amazing thing, exercising will power, and allowing your semen to give you its nutrients. There are a lot of benefits, I suggest researching sexual transmutation if you are interested in this. It is also known as semen retention, allowing yourself not to cum to get the physical and mental health benefits of your own magic, and not shooting it out after feeling an urge. Here is a great video on it. Because if you think about it.... Our semen allows life to be created inside of a woman, so if we keep it for ourselves, imagine what it can do for us! It can invigorate more life in ourselves.

Being 25 years old, I am horny. I would jack off every hour if I didn't get physical and mental side effects. But it takes away from wanting to go out and talk to other people in search for a connection with them and the universe. We don't need sex to survive anymore, we are overpopulated. But that instinct and urge is still there for most people to procreate.

If you are struggling with this as a man, look into NoFap, it has made a difference for me. There are benefits for women too I imagine, at least with porn for sure. Looking at that stuff creates a cycle of misery with other people, and we don't need it in our lives.

Thursday, July 13, 2017


As of recently I have noticed that I have expectations for almost EVERYTHING! I discovered this when I visited Berlin this June, and have been exploring it since.

I went to a club called "Sisyphus", and I met this amazing Spanish girl named Eli. I had no expectations on meeting a lady, especially someone this incredible and beautiful. Having had no expectations prior to meeting her, I was that much more blown away. If I had planned on meeting a girl, and didn't meet one I would have left disappointed, because my expectations would not have been met. But coming from nothing, I was met by the girl of my dreams and we hit it off!

I saw her the next day, we talked by the river for a few hours. And we talked about expectations, and when we have them we are often left disappointed. A lot of this stems from actions that we take, and how we expect to feel from the results. You make some money, read a book, finally get into a relationship and expect to feel better or different from having done these things. But when you are not content with where you are right now, having accomplished these things does not make you happier.

I listened to a blog recently with Hal Elrod interviewing Christine Hassler. She has a book out called "Expectation Hangover" she talks a lot about becoming successful very young, and still not feeling accomplished and left with disappointment. This was the interview that sparked my interest in looking at expectations.      ------   ----   Here's the Interview!  ----   -------

To some degree I still expect making a lot of money to make me feel better someday. Whether it be in the business of show or entrepreneurship. I expect my problems to go away and for my happiness to finally flourish. I expect having a steady work and romantic life to make me happy. But not being happy right now will most likely keep me unhappy after having accomplished these things. So it's about practicing contentment where we are today!  I expect the next song I listen to to make me feel better... Once I finish work... Once I go pee... Once I am back home, all of that shit.

I am very analytical, and I will often approach people with an agenda, and people most likely can tell in my being that it is not genuine. I recently noticed this with girls. I approached some women with my friend at a gay bar with expectations of them being interested. Them being at a gay bar that they are flattered to be hit on by straight guys. They were married and out of town and I lost interest, however my friend was genuinely interested in getting to know them, so he stayed in the pocket. He later pointed out to me that I was not coming from nothing, and had an agenda, he is totally right! Having a preconceived agenda (expectations) sets you up for failure and disappointment. When I approach people from nothing, and just to get to know them, magic happens! Anything is possible, and something is fulfilled because there was no expectation of a goal to be met.

I come to conclusions with almost everything I am involved in. This happened, so that means this... I have trouble just being with something the way it is and the way it isn't. I am looking for the next thing to make me happy, or the next thing to occupy me from the bad things I am experiencing.

I am looking at this post and paragraphs don't necessarily flow into each other, because I have an expectation of my self on my writing abilities. And I have spelled "expectation" wrong through out this piece. I have expectations on my spelling abilities. This is also my first post in over a month, so I have expectations on my ability to produce. EXPECTATIONS ARE EVERYWHERE. Notice them and don't let them rule your life.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

My first day with Beny Hill in Prague

Prague is an amazing city filled with people all over the world. I went there for about a month from May 26th to July 2nd with a Creative Writing class with Columbia College.

One of the first weekends there, my German friend Beny came to stay with me for the weekend, and he is the best person to have fun with in a place.

He first showed up late at night, we met up with our fellow classmates at a pub, then went to sleep soon after to rest up for the next day.

We got up and went to get something to eat at a restaurant. Czech food is very good, but I was going very heavy on the goulash and my stomach was not used to it. As Beny and I finished our meal we left and as we were walking down the street and I felt a fart coming, so I began to push it out and I sharted. So I went back to the restaurant to take care of this and Beny went off to go buy cigarettes.

I cleaned up and found Beny near a scooter rental place. We soon rented these bad ass scooters for two hours and began riding around Prague in them! Good thing I shit my pants, or Beny might not have found this place. We went all over the city, up hills and down streets and it was a lot of fun. Beny is extremely social and freindly, so through out the day and as we returned the scooters, he was asking locals which places were the best to go to. We learned quite a few, and we ended up going to the Stalin Monument that night.

 It's on a giant hill that you have to walk up many paved steps to get to. There's a big statue there that you can sit near and overlook the city from. There was a DJ there playing techno, and places to buy drinks, we met some fun people and we had a great time.
Beny and I with a vague view of the city

Later Beny and I went to Cross Club around midnight/1am. It was a really cool night club. From the outside, there was a bunch of little bridges connecting to one another, with benches and people hanging out. I think it was the reason for the name of the Club.

Inside there was a couple of different bars and little dance areas playing good European techno. Beny and I bounced in and out of, and soon Beny saw a group of three attractive ladies, and he approached them and we all started talking.

We soon found out that they were from a country called Georgia and they were all named Miriam.

They had a spliff of some kind, that they began to smoke and gave us some. I took a few hits and felt fine. For some reason I thought it was just tobacco. I began chatting up one of the Miriams, as I felt I had a chance. The other Miriam handed me the spliff again, and there was a weird vibe I got from this, and when I hit it again, it came to me that there was something else in there other than tobacco. I began to get very in my head and freaked out. I was still trying to hit on the one Miriam, and I had mustered up the courage to put my hand on her leg. She was okay with this, we were attempting to speak to each other, but with the language barrier was difficult. I nervously moved my hand up closer to her thigh and back down again and she very deliberately grabbed my hand and smapped it onto the table. This was embarrassing, and still I lingered at the table for another few minutes. I soon left and went to a table with Beny.

He was with some fellow German guys, and some Czech guys I believe. They were beatboxing and rapping, I soon joined in, but it died down soon after. I was sitting across from a guy who started talking to me in another language, and was scaring me. He was staring at me and taking long pauses between his speech.

"Sorry man, I can't understand you, do you speak English?"
"I crazy... I get gun, I go boom.... You understand?"

He might have said this a few more times, and combined with whatever I had smoked, and the chilly temperature outside I felt quite vulnerable. So I soon left with Beny to go and dance inside to some techno. It was warm in there, and I was able to enjoy my high and the music.

We stayed in this club the whole night, I was soon walking around and talking with people from Scotland, Italy, Ireland, Germany, Spain, Canada, Switzerland, England and Czech people.

 I remember this one German girl approaching me and speaking to me only in German. She was very pleasant, smiling and touching my arm a lot. I only responded to her with things like "I can't understand what you are saying, I don't speak German." And she would respond in German, with a big smile and affirming head nods. It's like she was having a conversation with herself through me. She soon thanked me, I believe, touched my arm and walked away. She said no words to me in English, it was so bizarre and interesting.

I met back up with Beny, and as it got light out, we were talking with some guys and they asked us, what we thought of "E=Mc squared" and it delved into a deep philosophical discussion about being good and avoiding bad and discovery. Beny was saying that to him it meant letting go of your ego or "eggo" as he pronounced it, and becoming best friends with yourself. Other people said stuff like "The universe is within yourself" and "When we breathe we are breathing in God."

It was awesome to see all these different cultures speaking the same language of humanity and talking about life.

We went home at 9am and after that night I became present to the magic of Prague, and I felt that European people are present to this magic of life and being a contribution to the universe.

Beny and I have had other European adventures that I will go into more, and this was the first one! :)

Friday, April 28, 2017

Improv for Nursing Homes (The Emporium)

This is a project I started with my education at Landmark Worldwide. In the Self-Expression and Leadership Program we come up with a community project and follow the weekly action plans to achieve this goal. Some questions for creating this project a "What is so in this community? What are you out to cause in this community? What will be the impact on this community if nothing changes?"
Nursing homes have limited entertainment, and most of them are waiting to die and just watch movies and play bingo until they are done waiting.

Our first show was 8/17/16 at The Mosaic of Beacon in uptown. Thank you for giving us a chance and allowing us to grow as improvisers and community impacters. We have been back there plenty of times. Other places that have been great to us are The Symphony of Lincoln Park where we do Ice cream and Improv on Thursday afternoons. Alden Lakeland in Uptown he we now perform for every other tuesday at 2pm! And plenty of others we've been to once or twice.

This has been going strong since it began and I have a lot of people to thank for supporting by coming to perform for the elderly. It makes a huge impact and it makes these people's day when we make them laugh. This past wednesday 4/26/17 three of our team (Jeremiah Behbin, Jonah Andrews, Mitch Kessler) performed at Glencrest Nursing Home without me and I am so proud of you guys for stepping up and keeping The Emporium reputation clean without a no show.

I am going to be gone all of June this year and I know this cause will not die because I have an amazing community of improvisers who care about entertaining the people who created us and our parents.

Improv for Nursing Homes Facebook page

If you want to join the cause and bring your friends along too. Thank you to anyone and everyone who has come out to perform with me at these places and to the nursing homes who let us perform for your residents!

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Mans and Womans

I'm the youngest of three kids. I have two older sisters, 4 and 8 years older than me. I have a small family but my immediate cousins are all girls, the two that I grew up with most are 8 and 11 years older than me.

I felt like the fifth wheel, I was the observer and at times I felt like I was a toy to them. That's my memory and my story around my upbringing, and I believe it has heavily influenced my views of women. I saw flirting from girls as a potential attack  as I associated these types of behaviors from my four older, non sexual female figures.

It probably helped me become a creative and funny person, as Marc Maron puts how Harry Shearer put it, "Controlling why people laugh at you." It gave me a different perspective on women.

From that I sought out to seek male companionship, growing up I was much more comfortable talking to boys and making friends with them. Unlike with girls, I did not want to confront the fact that I liked them. Although I did somehow manage to acquire a girl friend through the grapevine from 2nd to 6th grade. I had male friends growing up, and did not want any more female energy around me.

As I grew older, and became interested in girls sexually and romantically, I went through a lot of fear, shyness and fantasizing. It took me awhile to actually kiss a girl, have sex, and make lots of mistakes did get better at dating, seducing girls and having sex.

I now feel a lot more confident in these areas, through my research and "field testing" and find the social and relational dynamics between the genders extremely interesting. So my research is continuing, and I'm learning more and more about sex and men and women and all of this stuff.

 I had a bad break up with a romantic partner overseas, and lost a couple of female friends around the same time as well. During this break up I was a mess. Crying and acting like a woman was a huge turn off to my ex, and to a female friend of mine who showed me a disturbing side to her that broke our friendship.

Women will lose respect for you act like a woman. It is important to be a man, masculinity is not toxic. Acting like how they show in movies, does not work. Acting like a pussy does not get you pussy.

A female friend of mine had a break up, and her ex has showed up throwing sticks at her window to wake her up. Along with leaving flowers and a notebook on her back porch to find. THIS IS WHAT WE SEE IN MOVIES, IT SHOULD WORK RIGHT? Wrong. It's creepy, and she then emailed him saying "Stay off my property." Men being feminized is not going to work, just like women being masculinized.

I have done a lot of research online with certain dating coaches and other people I find on YouTube. One in particular I've been getting back into is PATRICE O'NEAL. Listening to him on old Opie and Anthony clips and such on YouTube.

Patrice is a genius, and a lot of his comedy is about women. He very logically breaks down the privilege that women have over men in the dating realm by having vaginas. It is an interesting take on the male and female relationships we see today. I'm assuming that most women will disagree or get angry with Patrice O'Neals philosophy on men and women but it is very funny and insightful.

Some other guys I have found that have helped me with dating, sex and understanding women are Alan Roger Currie, Corey Wayne, Richard Cooper, and Charisma on Command. They all have great information and tools for dating and success in life type of things on YouTube etcetera.

Having now been in a relationship that ended poorly, I don't think I will want to be in a monogamous one while I'm in my twenties. Of course, that all depends on if I meet an amazing girl that I feel is worthy for that. I don't think I will allow myself to get caught up in the emotions of being with a new person that blows my mind. As I don't want to re experience that kind of trauma, that was ultimately my fault.

The amount of time I spend studying this stuff could very well be a tactic in avoiding other areas of my life, but I am utilizing my gross fascination with it to share with the 30 people that read this blog.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Skeptics, ASSets, and CREATivity

It's easy to be negative about something at first glance. People would rather research something online over experiencing it in person. People don't go to restaurants because they read a bad review on YELP. Maybe you would have actually liked the food. If you did everything based on how much you've researched online, would you be doing anything at all?

I'm starting a new business and people are wary and see that there's a catch to what I'm offering. Anything out of the ordinary or unknown is immediately looked at through skepticism. That's a normal reaction, but are you letting your normal views dictate all of your decisions? Would you be doing anything interesting or fun if you looked at everything skeptically and stopped taking risks? Would anybody be doing anything innovative if they did not take a chance? NO!

It's easy to play it safe and live inside your comfort zone. Do you want to be old, living alone, and watching TV until you die? What can you take a chance on today? Who can you help, who's life can you change? It's easy to be negative and knock something down with a joke or an opinion. It's hard to build something positive with high risk and high reward.

We are trained as students to fear failure and to follow orders. "You get an F, you don't pass the class. You won't graduate, and you'll get a shitty job. Once you have you're degree, you can work a 9-5 paying off your student loans.

Sit in your desk, do your homework and do it right. So that in the future you'll be used to working in a cubicle from 9-5." We are trained to be employees. And we are trained that if you don't go to college you won't get a good paying job. So students go to four year schools (A lot of them don't even graduate) and end up in the real world with huge amounts of debt in student loans. So NOW You are forced to work just so you can pay off your loans each month. YOU ARE NOW AN ASSET TO THE GOVERNMENT. You are a monthly check for the government, and you are looked at as a number.

Teachers are trained to teach this mindset and rationalize being in debt until they're in their 50's 60's 70's DEAD. Is that going to be you? Do you want to BE an asset or do you want to BUILD an asset? Yes you want to go on vacations, yes you want more time to spend with family, friends, and to follow your dreams. Do you even know what your dream is?

I want to be an actor/comedian/writer/voice actor/musician/entrepreneur. None of that is taught in school, because it goes against the system. I'm starting this business so that I can build an asset to become financially and time FREE! I plan on retiring by 30 years old. People say "IT'S A PYRAMID SCHEME!" Okay, let's say you work with a company, you have a boss who's in charge of your section, and he has a boss who's in charge of that company in Chicago, he has a boss who is in charge of all of these companies in Illinois, and his boss is the guy who created the company. So you're making money for all of these people, and they only look at you as a NUMBER. You think if you put your time in you'll move up the ranks, but still won't make enough money to retire until you're dead. THAT'S A PYRAMID TOO. EVERYTHING IS A PYRAMID! You're always making money for somebody else in a company. I want to take coaching and advice from successful business people, and better myself and create a team that will do the same.

I enjoy working with people who care about me and are willing to help me EVERY DAY. Can you change your mindset from being an employee to being intelligent and independent? WHAT SEPARATES YOU FROM OTHERS: 1. The books you read. 2. Who you associate with.
I like comedy and acting. I hang out with comedians and actors and read books about them. I'm looking at entrepreneurship, I hang out with business people and read books about business.

We are programmed to stifle our own creativity. Because if we utilize creativity we'll realize "I don't have to go to school and work in a cubicle." Just to try and get out of debt. You'll be working for somebody who does not give a SHIT about you. 

Everyone is creative. You play with toys and dolls as a kid. You put on a new outfit everyday. You create a sandwich. You choose activities for the day. Don't let people tell you that you can't be creative and should get good grades to get a job and become an asset to the government. 

This obviously does not apply to everybody. But what thoughts can you ponder upon to become a better person?

Tuesday, January 31, 2017


Go to this link below. I go more in depth about what I've experienced in listening and seeking mentor ship from others.

I struggle with this a lot. I'm constantly catching myself going other places in my mind. Whether I'm watching TV, reading a book, sitting in class, talking with someone in person or over the phone. There is something about being given information that my brain resists. I want to hear what is being said but I can't seem to control my thoughts and fully zone in on what's being said. It's a constant struggle to be present, as the past and the future inform everything. I often times believe that what I'm thinking is right. I know that what is being said has value, but my mind thinks it has the answer already.

Listening is more than hearing, you're registering what is being said and reciprocating with words that follow. My friend Junie McGraw is an amazing listener, and is great at recreating what has just been said. He actually cares about what is being said and contributing to it.

"Anything you want for yourself or your life is one conversation away." - Not Sure

Being listened to is one of the greatest gift you can give or receive from somebody. It validates your existence and empowers you.  Listening is a sharing your ears for some one else. Listening to someone is gratifying, people like to talk about themselves and if you let them and ask good questions they'll appreciate you and share themselves. In politics no one is listened to, they are just waiting to get their next point out to try and prove the other person wrong. THERE IS A REASON WE HAVE TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH.

"Listening is Doing." - Sandford Meisner (I think)

When you find yourself trying to be right, or proving someone wrong just listen to them first.  Don't hear them through the filter of "You're wrong, I'm right." No body likes to be "proven" wrong, but if you allow them to discover for themselves through your listening then they can prove it to themselves. Have EMPATHY.

"The defeated are always left unhappy." Buddha 

I seek mentor ship from lots of folks, and they are all happy and grateful that I am reaching out to them. And of course the best way to listen is through empathy versus "You're wrong, I'm right." If you want more empathy in your life, talk to my good friend Lou Agosta!

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Self Improvement

First off, here's how to win at life...

I am constantly searching for new things and learning. Looking stuff up online, taking classes at Landmark and improving as an improviser/performer/person. Not to toot my own horn, I'm trying to sound humble about this.

With Trump as president people like to lash out at him and the world and complain which changes nothing. I don't get why people protest, I have nothing against it, but I don't see the effect it has (Because I've never been to one). It seems like a fun place to meet people and be angry and involved in a group/mob. I'm sure it's entertaining, but it's not going to make him not the president anymore.

I can effect myself and my immediate environment, I can't effect the world without working on myself and listening to the people I care about. I do Improv at Nursing homes and it's fun (usually) and the residents have a deep appreciation for us being there. I feel good about that, I'm effecting these people positively. That's something I can personally effect, complaining about what's wrong with the world doesn't. I can't effect politics. You don't have to give a shit about my opinion, but I'm not going to care about your political opinions, especially if you're a young person. 

I saw a show at the Annoyance "How the fuck did we get here?" and to me it was a masturbatory one man political performance about the government and the history of Chicago. I don't critique stuff usually, but since he was critiquing everything else I feel I can. It wasn't FUNNY FIRST, every comedy show should be FUNNY FIRST!!! I don't care about your agenda, it wasn't funny enough to forgive him for trying to make me angry about the greed in society and white guilt. The only people I hear about white guilt from is other white people. "Yes I am evil, as a straight white male" I get it! There was no call to action, just this guy complaining about what has happened. Pointing the finger is so easy to do. I respect the fact that he put up a show in a venue, but it was not for me. Look at yourself and see how you can improve and be a leader in your environment.

This was supposed to be a positive post. Everyone has the right to their opinions, and I don't want to stifle anyone's creativity, but focus on improving yourself so that you can share that with others and actually help them, rather than critique society. You'll always find something wrong with something... Here's a few tips I've picked up on self development.

1. Be honest with yourself

Brutally. Look at what you're doing and not doing and ask, why am I doing or not doing this? What am I avoiding, resisting, withholding, protecting from the world.  Am I on my phone ALL THE FUCKING TIME? Am I actually nice to people and not just claim to be. Am I presenting myself as a good person on FaceBook? Or am I actually being a good person. To quote the great SHAWN SHAW "People want to look good versus bee good."(I want to keep listing things that I see other people do that piss me off, but that would be/is saying the opposite of what I'm trying to get across.)

2. Share with others and listen

I used to see sharing as "I'm wasting this person's time." Sharing breaks down barriers and allows authentic communication. Once you share with someone, they will share with you. People like to talk about themselves, so ask about them! Whatever boundary your putting around someone is in your head. People will tell you stuff that's been on their minds for years! Human beings are amazing! I've gotten so much life out of having conversations with all types of people. We're all the same, we all have red blood in our veins and we use language to communicate. You'll discover other people and more about yourself. So talk to people! 

3. Expand your environment

Being in Landmark for a year I have met hundreds of people. I've become friends with 45 years old Asian women, 60 year old white guys, 40 year old black police officers. I can share ANYTHING with them and vice versa. We're open to listening to each other and coaching each other on what we're dealing with in our lives. Being a coach in Landmark has taught me how to listen to what people are dealing with and what they are committed to.


 LOOK AT SOMEONE IN THE EYES AND FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY ARE DOING IN LIFE. Smart phones are ruining people. No one is forced to reckon with other people or the world, we all can escape by drowning ourselves on a screen. Your missing life, and what's around you. Your literally limiting your vision and your abilities to connect as humans. It's frustrating talking to girls because you have a mini computer to compete with. In a college class when the teacher says "5 minute break" Everyone just pulls out their phone and doesn't talk to the other students. You might make a new friend, you might know the same people, you could be from the same town. Ya funkin bunch of jackasses! You don't know what you don't know about other people, just ask them.

UNLESS!!! You are calling a friend or family member to reconnect

I'm sure there are more ways, I'm getting angry writing about this. It's not that bad, people are amazing creatures and we're all the same. I'm sure this post is full of hypocrisy but I'm expressing my opinions which you can chose to not follow. It's just a matter of sharing in all areas of life.