SOMETIME IN DECEMBER 2011
It was a party where all of the different cliques showed up to meet and get to know each other. So everyone was getting drunk quickly to get over the nervous tension. I was doing so as well. It was a clashing of the nerds, pre wook hippies, and these types from other high schools.
I had almost a whole 5th of Captain Morgan to myself. And had some shots from some old buddies I'd met from Little League football and baseball.
This story is chronologically dis configured, but I'm portraying it as it occurred for me. I was completely wasted, blacking out. The night went on and when I awoke I was barely standing in the kitchen handing a female cop my ID, muttering "Can you give me my drugs back?" I was told this by some pre wooks days later, so that is not a confirmed memory. After that I was sitting on the stairs holding my phone as a male cop told me to call my parents for a ride home. I couldn't do it... When I tried dialing I turned on some music, (Datsik - Retreat - Excision Remix) Song BELOW.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kT2YRQLQfQ
I could not figure out how to turn it off. It was scary and very discombobulating. So the male cop took my phone and called my house for me as I drifted in and out of a painful drunken haze.
"Hi sir, we have your son here he is very intoxicated... Yes, you should come get him he is very intoxicated... Yeah he tried calling you but he couldn't. He's very intoxicated."
He must have said it five more times. After that my dad came to get me, we left the house and I knocked some patio light over with my foot and tried to quickly fix it until my dad dragged me away to go home. He made me some pizza rolls when we got home, I'm sure only he remember the conversation we had... I'm lucky he is a good fellow.
The next day I awoke with a huge scratch on my forearm. At some point, I found out what actually happened to me according to my friends who weren't as blacked out as me.
The buddies who drove me there were trying to leave, and could not find me. Apparently, I was passed out in a bush in the back yard. (How I got the scratch on my forearm.)
The cops busted in, and asked for all of our ID's, and as the female cop was holding mine I politely asked. "Can I have my drugs back?"
I don't know anything else that happened. That's it I think.
Friday, July 22, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Blogging for no reason
I feel like I should be writing something on this blog. Even though I have nothing in particular to write about. I feel internally obligated to do so because I paid twelve whole dollars for one whole year of having this blog. That's pretty darn cheap but I want to get my money's worth, I'd say.
Part of me thinks no one will read this, and I don't know why anyone would. I don't read anyone else's blog. Because blogs are stupid. Most blogs are douche lords who trash other creative people for being offensive, which stifles creativity for those creative types.. Mostly comedians.
You can keep reading this if you want, I won't know either way, but I'm going to keep writing about nothing. Yeah, I'm not sure what else to say here, I'm just typing away like a meandering neanderthal. That's generally how I feel I live my life, like most of us. Just wandering around trying to avoid reality.
I guess that's it.
Part of me thinks no one will read this, and I don't know why anyone would. I don't read anyone else's blog. Because blogs are stupid. Most blogs are douche lords who trash other creative people for being offensive, which stifles creativity for those creative types.. Mostly comedians.
You can keep reading this if you want, I won't know either way, but I'm going to keep writing about nothing. Yeah, I'm not sure what else to say here, I'm just typing away like a meandering neanderthal. That's generally how I feel I live my life, like most of us. Just wandering around trying to avoid reality.
I guess that's it.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Lucid Dreaming and Regular Dreaming
POSTED 7/13/16
I have become intrigued by lucid dreaming. I've looked up some stuff online about it, and have since purchased a book on it.
"Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming" by Stephen LaBerge and Howard Rheindgold.
I have had trouble lucid dreaming since reading some of this book. What I've noticed is, as soon as I wake up from a dream I realize "I was just dreaming" and if I go back to sleep I try to think of the dream as I am going back to sleep and I still am unaware of the dream state.
Now, I have not been dream journaling and doing certain things that the book tells me to do, so I am not getting any results. But in one phrase, lucid dreaming is basically (a state of AWARENESS.)
We are not aware of our breath until we focus on it, or are told to focus on it, or it is brought to our attention by reading something like this.
What I have become aware of is that I am not aware. I seem to have a fog in my head that diturrs my thoughts from the task at hand and I have trouble completely concentrating on one thing. I am trying to be more aware of my surroundings, and the five senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, sound) and many other areas of life that are secondary to most of us.
This is something I am working on and will continue to work on. Because we spend a third of our lives asleep, and being able to control your dreams is a form of controlling your own mind. Which is a life long goal for me. And you can explore your subconscious to find answers to life you would not be able to in the waking world. It is difficult, I am trying to be more aware of things in my life, and I encourage you all to do the same. Being able to live out fantasies and explore your fears without any consequence, is an amazingly cool thing. And an enlightening way to live life.
I wrote the post above almost a year ago. I am noticing my language choices. I don't use words like 'try' or 'very' anymore, and am hyper aware of when other people say these words. I have learned the nuances behind these words through acting classes.
There is no 'trying' you can 'try' to pick up a pencil. But if you pick the pencil up you're picking it up and not 'trying' to. And 'very' creates a barrier between what you're saying to a person like "You're very messy" Versus "You're messy." If you notice when people say these two words you'll be able to see the barriers they put up.
As far as DREAMS go... I am studying Creative Writing in Prague! We are studying Franz Kafka and dream theory. I don't know what I want to expand upon with dreams. We all pull our own meaning from our dreams. But it is basically your subconscious exploring your fears and desires. And your imagination is playing out these scenarios.
The three major categories are uncanny, absurd, and surreal. When we are able to notice any of these three we can distinguish a dream from normal life. Dreaming is cool, I don't always remember mine and have taken a few days off from my dream journaling. I met an amazing Spanish girl in Berlin this past weekend. And I am mostly thinking about her, I don't know why I'm writing about dreaming... Well because I'm back in Prague and have class tomorrow.
I have become intrigued by lucid dreaming. I've looked up some stuff online about it, and have since purchased a book on it.
"Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming" by Stephen LaBerge and Howard Rheindgold.
I have had trouble lucid dreaming since reading some of this book. What I've noticed is, as soon as I wake up from a dream I realize "I was just dreaming" and if I go back to sleep I try to think of the dream as I am going back to sleep and I still am unaware of the dream state.
Now, I have not been dream journaling and doing certain things that the book tells me to do, so I am not getting any results. But in one phrase, lucid dreaming is basically (a state of AWARENESS.)
We are not aware of our breath until we focus on it, or are told to focus on it, or it is brought to our attention by reading something like this.
What I have become aware of is that I am not aware. I seem to have a fog in my head that diturrs my thoughts from the task at hand and I have trouble completely concentrating on one thing. I am trying to be more aware of my surroundings, and the five senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, sound) and many other areas of life that are secondary to most of us.
This is something I am working on and will continue to work on. Because we spend a third of our lives asleep, and being able to control your dreams is a form of controlling your own mind. Which is a life long goal for me. And you can explore your subconscious to find answers to life you would not be able to in the waking world. It is difficult, I am trying to be more aware of things in my life, and I encourage you all to do the same. Being able to live out fantasies and explore your fears without any consequence, is an amazingly cool thing. And an enlightening way to live life.
I wrote the post above almost a year ago. I am noticing my language choices. I don't use words like 'try' or 'very' anymore, and am hyper aware of when other people say these words. I have learned the nuances behind these words through acting classes.
There is no 'trying' you can 'try' to pick up a pencil. But if you pick the pencil up you're picking it up and not 'trying' to. And 'very' creates a barrier between what you're saying to a person like "You're very messy" Versus "You're messy." If you notice when people say these two words you'll be able to see the barriers they put up.
As far as DREAMS go... I am studying Creative Writing in Prague! We are studying Franz Kafka and dream theory. I don't know what I want to expand upon with dreams. We all pull our own meaning from our dreams. But it is basically your subconscious exploring your fears and desires. And your imagination is playing out these scenarios.
The three major categories are uncanny, absurd, and surreal. When we are able to notice any of these three we can distinguish a dream from normal life. Dreaming is cool, I don't always remember mine and have taken a few days off from my dream journaling. I met an amazing Spanish girl in Berlin this past weekend. And I am mostly thinking about her, I don't know why I'm writing about dreaming... Well because I'm back in Prague and have class tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Getting Fired #2
Yep, I got fired again. I asked to work different shifts for too many days. And my employer's at my staffing agency informed me that Van Guard had terminated my position. I had an interview for Express Employment scheduled for this upcoming Friday, but I thought "What the heck, might as well do it today." So I called up Express and they told me to come in at 2:30.
So I went, sat in traffic there and back. The interview didn't go all that well. My resume I submitted and the one I brought were different. So I had to lie to them about being fired only hours ago. So I was then forced to tell them that I had worked for Express in the past and was "let go" for coming to work late once.... Yeah right, moronic move.
He was asking me my strengths and I wanted to say honesty, but I had not displayed honesty earlier so I left it out. As the interview ended he told me to call back around every week to see if they had anything for me. Terrible, just terrible. I should have lied completely and told him I had never worked for Express, and been able to say I worked at Van Guard for six whole months, but I instead half lied and made a half assed liar out of myself.
I left the building not feeling great about the interview. That's when I saw a super incredibly attractivly thick girl in leggings walk right past me. We made brief eye contact and all I could do was slightly smile. I wanted to check out her ass but was nervous to do so due to the elderly black woman across the street from me (we were both about to walk past each other on the crosswalk) . I finally got a glimpse and was infuriated by the fact that I would never see her or her amazing behind again. I thought about if I had tried to chat her up, possibly get her phone number... etc. But I had a clipboard in my hand and was worrying about my car being towed. I was also worried about the surrounding strangers and what they would have thought of me, as if that matters in anyway. But those kind of things interfere with impulsive thoughts in my cowardly, half assed brain.
So as I drove home I was hanging on to the chance that I would see her and ask her to get into my car or some stupid moronic horse shit like that. And I had to tell myself that nothing probably would have happened if I did try to chat her up, but you never know right?? I guess, that's what I'm telling myself now.
I suppose the message here is to not live half assedly . I kinda sort of lied in my interview, and kinda sorta smiled at an attractive girl and left feeling barely alive. Acting on impulse and thinking rationally both have their goods and bads, but sometimes you just gotta "follow your heart". I don't know how to end this boring story, let's call it here.
So I went, sat in traffic there and back. The interview didn't go all that well. My resume I submitted and the one I brought were different. So I had to lie to them about being fired only hours ago. So I was then forced to tell them that I had worked for Express in the past and was "let go" for coming to work late once.... Yeah right, moronic move.
He was asking me my strengths and I wanted to say honesty, but I had not displayed honesty earlier so I left it out. As the interview ended he told me to call back around every week to see if they had anything for me. Terrible, just terrible. I should have lied completely and told him I had never worked for Express, and been able to say I worked at Van Guard for six whole months, but I instead half lied and made a half assed liar out of myself.
I left the building not feeling great about the interview. That's when I saw a super incredibly attractivly thick girl in leggings walk right past me. We made brief eye contact and all I could do was slightly smile. I wanted to check out her ass but was nervous to do so due to the elderly black woman across the street from me (we were both about to walk past each other on the crosswalk) . I finally got a glimpse and was infuriated by the fact that I would never see her or her amazing behind again. I thought about if I had tried to chat her up, possibly get her phone number... etc. But I had a clipboard in my hand and was worrying about my car being towed. I was also worried about the surrounding strangers and what they would have thought of me, as if that matters in anyway. But those kind of things interfere with impulsive thoughts in my cowardly, half assed brain.
So as I drove home I was hanging on to the chance that I would see her and ask her to get into my car or some stupid moronic horse shit like that. And I had to tell myself that nothing probably would have happened if I did try to chat her up, but you never know right?? I guess, that's what I'm telling myself now.
I suppose the message here is to not live half assedly . I kinda sort of lied in my interview, and kinda sorta smiled at an attractive girl and left feeling barely alive. Acting on impulse and thinking rationally both have their goods and bads, but sometimes you just gotta "follow your heart". I don't know how to end this boring story, let's call it here.
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Drunken Nights
LAST NIGHT...
I am always reminded why I don't go out to bars after I do it. Because I always over drink, stay out too late, and am in agony the next day. Luckily, I only spent twenty dollars last night, but I was super hungover.
I had a moment upon entering Lamplighters, bumping and pushing around the crowded mad house, of leaving. It was midnight or so, and I would have been much better off physically just leaving then. But... I figured why not stay out for four more hours. It becomes a high school reunion, which is good and bad. I did see some good old friends and people I did not expect to see. But... I stay out too late in hopes of meeting some gal, and end up aggravated coming out empty handed... Luckily I didn't get punched in the face for talking to dudes girlfriends.
Around 4am Durty Nellies closed and I had to walk home. I bummed one cigarette (the only one of the night) for the run/walk home. As I left I saw a yellow Vitamin Water on the sidewalk and scooped that up (good luck for me) for fuel. I began running very fast for no real reason, I almost fell a few times. I was extremely winded, especially while smoking a cigarette. I could feel my body decaying from the alcohol and lack of food and fluid. My head and stomach ache were creeping up, foreshadowing my morning.
As I walked down the road, there were some plastic sticks (I don't know what they're called) I began gathering them as I walked, I picked up about 5 and later laid them down on the train tracks. I began to run again in fear of the police catching me in the act.
I arrived to my backyard winded to lay down. The cold dew felt good on my body. I laid on my back for maybe a half hour as the sun came up hating the physical foreshadowing of the hangover. I was pulling out handfuls of grass and rubbing it on my face... It felt good. I felt sick and decided to make myself puke, rolling over slightly to let it spew out. I wiped more grass on my face to rid of the remains.
I finally went inside, I felt like stroking myself to avoid sleep a bit longer. I finally go to sleep around 5:30 and wake up around 1:30pm. Horrible headache, all I could do was drink water and make a pizza, and that's all I've eaten so far today... I felt like stroking myself one more time to avoid the pain a little longer before I took a shower. And that's about it for this one.
I am always reminded why I don't go out to bars after I do it. Because I always over drink, stay out too late, and am in agony the next day. Luckily, I only spent twenty dollars last night, but I was super hungover.
I had a moment upon entering Lamplighters, bumping and pushing around the crowded mad house, of leaving. It was midnight or so, and I would have been much better off physically just leaving then. But... I figured why not stay out for four more hours. It becomes a high school reunion, which is good and bad. I did see some good old friends and people I did not expect to see. But... I stay out too late in hopes of meeting some gal, and end up aggravated coming out empty handed... Luckily I didn't get punched in the face for talking to dudes girlfriends.
Around 4am Durty Nellies closed and I had to walk home. I bummed one cigarette (the only one of the night) for the run/walk home. As I left I saw a yellow Vitamin Water on the sidewalk and scooped that up (good luck for me) for fuel. I began running very fast for no real reason, I almost fell a few times. I was extremely winded, especially while smoking a cigarette. I could feel my body decaying from the alcohol and lack of food and fluid. My head and stomach ache were creeping up, foreshadowing my morning.
As I walked down the road, there were some plastic sticks (I don't know what they're called) I began gathering them as I walked, I picked up about 5 and later laid them down on the train tracks. I began to run again in fear of the police catching me in the act.
I arrived to my backyard winded to lay down. The cold dew felt good on my body. I laid on my back for maybe a half hour as the sun came up hating the physical foreshadowing of the hangover. I was pulling out handfuls of grass and rubbing it on my face... It felt good. I felt sick and decided to make myself puke, rolling over slightly to let it spew out. I wiped more grass on my face to rid of the remains.
I finally went inside, I felt like stroking myself to avoid sleep a bit longer. I finally go to sleep around 5:30 and wake up around 1:30pm. Horrible headache, all I could do was drink water and make a pizza, and that's all I've eaten so far today... I felt like stroking myself one more time to avoid the pain a little longer before I took a shower. And that's about it for this one.
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