Drunk Tale #5

TUESDAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING 2015

My friends were home from college and we had plans to go out to the bars in Palatine that night. It was a friend Joe's birthday so a bunch of us dudes went over to his house to drink before hand.

Joe had been seeing some girl through Tinder, and she had been texting him very graphic, detailed, and poetic descriptions of what she was going to 'do' to him for his birthday. I was impressed by the writing of it and the commitment to finish her entire fantasy and display it so eloquently through text.

I was jealous of her impressive, sexual writing commitment, and the fact that Joe was having sex with the freaky woman, and I was alone. So I got this feeling of "I'm gonna get laid tonight."

We went to the bar, and it was like twelve dudes and that's it. We were waiting for some other people. Later, other people who still in Palatine (Like me at the time) showed up, along with a blonde girl I had never seen before. It was (let's call them Chris, Rob, Amy, and the blonde girl Brittany) Brittany came right up to me and we started talking. She had a deadness in her eyes, and was very wasted on something, but I saw my chances here. 

The deadness in her eyes were fixated on me. There was something debaucherous about her aura and her stare. We talked for a bit, getting to know each other, then at one point, she dropped something and bent down backing her ass right into my crotch with Chris and Amy standing RIGHT THERE watching.

Brittany had seemingly become attached to my presence because everyone she came with was ignoring her. At one point I was standing up talking to some other guys I hadn't seen in awhile, and she walks right up to me and stood staring at me as I'm in the midst of a conversation. I glance at her occasionally, and her eyes are locked on mine. So eventually I leave the conversation to keep her company. 

On occasion I would see Rob talking to her, it looked like an intense meeting every time they were talking. 

So later, it is just me and her sitting at the bar, and I ask if she is dating Rob. She says something like. "Yeah kind of. But he keeps texting his ex girlfriend (A girl he met at a party I threw years ago), about how she is going to kill herself."

This I did not want to hear, and whenever she would bring it back up I would stop her. I still saw my chances and decided to ignore any logical thoughts of not getting involved in this mess. We were migrating to a new bar, and Brittany forgot her coat, so I had to grab it and put it on her. This to me symbolized and solidified me taking care and being responsible for this lady.

Rob did not come to this new bar, and I was the only one Brittany was talking to. Rob kept calling her, and she kept telling me how she didn't want to get played by him. So I turned her phone off, I was sick of hearing about Rob texting his ex, and Brittany still kept insisting that she didn't want to get played. Rob began calling me, and I ignored him. I was in too deep, I had to pry my dick into this situation.

At some point she said he was there to pick her up, she went outside and I thought she'd left, but she came back in minutes later. Then she wanted to leave, so we made our way out into the cold to try and get a cab. Luckily, I saw some friends and they gave us a ride back to my place, around 1 or 2am.

We get there, I send her to my basement to wait as I take a long pee to prepare for battle. I go downstairs and she is petting my cat waiting. I turn on some music, we start kissing and then I hear BANG BANG BANG BANG DING DING DING DING. At first I didn't believe this was happening, then my mind raced to "That's Rob".

I threw her off of me, I run upstairs and see Rob through the door, I open it and shove him back. We go back and forth with words like "Dude, that's my girlfriend." 

I tried to explain my case to him but was obviously in no shape to get my point across in that short of time. His brother (who gave him a ride) is standing there apologizing for Rob. Then my dad comes running outside in his underwear and is quite upset.

He yells at them to leave and Rob drops "My girlfriend is in there." My dad looks back at me in shock and I have no answer for him. Somehow my Dad and I get back inside with Rob and his brother still outside. They get back in their car, and I thought they were going to leave. 

I thought I was still going to 'get some'. I contemplated calling the cops so I could 'get some' but they come back to the front door and I go limp. I open the door and ask Rob if he wants Brittany back and he does. The bull shit of the situation had sunk in and I was tired of it. So I go downstairs and grab her, she comes back up taking a very long time, I hand Rob her purse saying "You deal with her now." At this point Rob wants to talk things over because he had what he wants, but I am done. They leave, I have a brief chat with my parents and eventually go to bed. 

The next day I see apologetic texts from Rob, once I respond he gets upset at me for blatantly taking home his 'girlfriend'. We go back and forth for awhile, whatever I don't want to get into those details. 

Sometime later, my parents notice a crack in the door from when he banged the shit  out of it. (His hand was all fucked up.) So we get a quote on the door $150. He comes over a month later to drop off the money in my mailbox, I go to get it, it's only $100. I let him know, and months and months later after dodged phone calls and texts we arrange for me to come pick up the last $50.

I pull up to his driveway to see him and his EX (The girl he met at my party who was threatening to kill herself because of him) along side him. It seemed so fitting, so I got all the money back, we got the door fixed, and that was the closest I've come to getting laid since.