Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Not doing shit

Whenever I am way too bored and refuse to do anything productive, I feel awful. Yesterday I watched 3 episodes of Trailer Park boys, Louis CK's Chewed Up, and two basketball games, among other distracting activities. I kept pushing the nagging sensation to create something down, just so that I could 'catch up' on watching stuff. There are never going to be enough things that you've watched in order to feel satisfied with being up to date on all of the shows out there.

Whenever I am not writing, and I think I should be writing, I feel bad. And usually when I make myself write, I feel better. Something always doesn't click when I am writing something. Often times I feel what I am writing is stupid, and isn't going anywhere. But, other times things start to flow and I think to my self... What a wonderful world. No I actually think that I should have been writing earlier.

With this knowledge yesterday I still did not write anything. I had all these excuses of being exhausted from my weekend trip to Michigan getting drunk with family and friends. While having the internal dialogue of "That doesn't mean you can't write. Write! You'll feel better if you write."

I ignored this and continued to watch TV and play video games, and the anxiety and frustration of unproductive ness was unavoidable. There can also come a threshold of doing to much work. I've written for an hour today, I edited some things, I posted stuff to my FaceBook pages, and I can feel that there is still much more to be done. But that is a better problem to have than not doing shit all day long. It is better to have done something productive, even if you don't want to, because you'll feel better.

I rarely do leg lifts. It is hard. But if I do them for 30 seconds, while I'm doing them it sucks. But right afterwards when I can relax my core and my legs, it feels good, and somewhat accomplishing.

No comments:

Post a Comment