Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Drunk Tale # 4


I was a sophomore in high school. I was with my good friend (Let's say Dave) at my house with my parents gone. We had already gotten stoned and we were sitting around bored. I had the urge to get drunk, I had never done this before. Dave had been getting high longer than me, and had been drunk before. He was apposed to my idea.

"Bob Marley once said that 'Alcohol is the destruction of society, and marijuana is the healer.'" He said. So I said. "Well that sounds nice but I'm going to get drunk anyway."

So I went over to my parents liquor cabinet (which I had discovered earlier, this sparked the idea) and starting drinking straight from some shitty vodka bottle. It was weird being by myself doing it with my friend hanging out in the living room. I began getting a bit intoxicated and Dave felt left out so he joined me.

"You're not using a chaser?" He Asked. "What's a chaser?" "I'll go get one." Dave said as he went to the garage to grab two Mountain Dew Voltages.  

So we began taking shots and chasing it with the delicious Mountain Dew. The first tingly buzzing sensations of being drunk started kicking in, and I'm sure a dumb nagging smile crept onto my face. I was beginning to experience being drunk and it was grand. Dave and I were adding a new level to our friendship.

Once we were drunk enough we grew bored with my house and felt like going on an adventure. So we packed up the vodka into a water bottle, brought a fresh Voltage, along with some weed, a lighter, and a bowl. We started walking through the night with a new sense of relief, taking on the night instead of avoiding it. We drank on the way to the children's park, and once we got there we drunkenly packed the bowl. I took the first hit, handed it to Dave and looked up to the stars feeling better than I ever had. I was euphoric, and I'll never be that happy again! We finished smoking, we were good and crunk, so we started back to my house.

As we were walking back I had to pee. So we pulled over, and I pulled my dingaling out to urinate. Dave put his hands on my shoulders and I had the thought of This feels right. And in any other moment or context it would have felt inappropriate. I finished and we went back to my place.

Once we got there we were bored once again. So Dave says, "Dude, I'm horny I gotta bate it." I was taken a bit aback but understood. 

"Okay, Dave. I have a laptop in my room, there's lotion too, just grab a tissue from the bathroom."  "Hold on. Where's Cody? I want him in the room with me."
 Cody is my little white dog. So I said to Dave. "NO." 
He tried to convince me that he just wanted him in the room with him but I wasn't having it, and told him to go jerk off in my room alone.

I didn't want to be the only person not jerking off in my own house so I went into my dad's office to 'bate it.' I started and I looked down to see Cody hiding under my dad's desk quivering in fear that Dave was going to rape him. So that made me finish quicker... Not really, but I finished first. I went up to my room to knock and check on Dave. "You finished?" "No hold on." Dave said as I bumbled back downstairs. 

I sat in the reassurance that I had finished first. He finally finished, and bored once again we decided to sleep over at his house. We walked over to his place, he went to sleep and I 'bated it' once more. We woke up the next day and I told him I did this. And that was the first time I got drunk, this last part is unnecessary to the story, but I figured what the heck.

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