Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Not doing shit

Whenever I am way too bored and refuse to do anything productive, I feel awful. Yesterday I watched 3 episodes of Trailer Park boys, Louis CK's Chewed Up, and two basketball games, among other distracting activities. I kept pushing the nagging sensation to create something down, just so that I could 'catch up' on watching stuff. There are never going to be enough things that you've watched in order to feel satisfied with being up to date on all of the shows out there.

Whenever I am not writing, and I think I should be writing, I feel bad. And usually when I make myself write, I feel better. Something always doesn't click when I am writing something. Often times I feel what I am writing is stupid, and isn't going anywhere. But, other times things start to flow and I think to my self... What a wonderful world. No I actually think that I should have been writing earlier.

With this knowledge yesterday I still did not write anything. I had all these excuses of being exhausted from my weekend trip to Michigan getting drunk with family and friends. While having the internal dialogue of "That doesn't mean you can't write. Write! You'll feel better if you write."

I ignored this and continued to watch TV and play video games, and the anxiety and frustration of unproductive ness was unavoidable. There can also come a threshold of doing to much work. I've written for an hour today, I edited some things, I posted stuff to my FaceBook pages, and I can feel that there is still much more to be done. But that is a better problem to have than not doing shit all day long. It is better to have done something productive, even if you don't want to, because you'll feel better.

I rarely do leg lifts. It is hard. But if I do them for 30 seconds, while I'm doing them it sucks. But right afterwards when I can relax my core and my legs, it feels good, and somewhat accomplishing.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Drunk Tale # 4

SOMETIME SEPTEMBER 2010

I was a sophomore in high school. I was with my good friend (Let's say Dave) at my house with my parents gone. We had already gotten stoned and we were sitting around bored. I had the urge to get drunk, I had never done this before. Dave had been getting high longer than me, and had been drunk before. He was apposed to my idea.

"Bob Marley once said that 'Alcohol is the destruction of society, and marijuana is the healer.'" He said. So I said. "Well that sounds nice but I'm going to get drunk anyway."

So I went over to my parents liquor cabinet (which I had discovered earlier, this sparked the idea) and starting drinking straight from some shitty vodka bottle. It was weird being by myself doing it with my friend hanging out in the living room. I began getting a bit intoxicated and Dave felt left out so he joined me.

"You're not using a chaser?" He Asked. "What's a chaser?" "I'll go get one." Dave said as he went to the garage to grab two Mountain Dew Voltages.  

So we began taking shots and chasing it with the delicious Mountain Dew. The first tingly buzzing sensations of being drunk started kicking in, and I'm sure a dumb nagging smile crept onto my face. I was beginning to experience being drunk and it was grand. Dave and I were adding a new level to our friendship.

Once we were drunk enough we grew bored with my house and felt like going on an adventure. So we packed up the vodka into a water bottle, brought a fresh Voltage, along with some weed, a lighter, and a bowl. We started walking through the night with a new sense of relief, taking on the night instead of avoiding it. We drank on the way to the children's park, and once we got there we drunkenly packed the bowl. I took the first hit, handed it to Dave and looked up to the stars feeling better than I ever had. I was euphoric, and I'll never be that happy again! We finished smoking, we were good and crunk, so we started back to my house.

As we were walking back I had to pee. So we pulled over, and I pulled my dingaling out to urinate. Dave put his hands on my shoulders and I had the thought of This feels right. And in any other moment or context it would have felt inappropriate. I finished and we went back to my place.

Once we got there we were bored once again. So Dave says, "Dude, I'm horny I gotta bate it." I was taken a bit aback but understood. 

"Okay, Dave. I have a laptop in my room, there's lotion too, just grab a tissue from the bathroom."  "Hold on. Where's Cody? I want him in the room with me."
 Cody is my little white dog. So I said to Dave. "NO." 
He tried to convince me that he just wanted him in the room with him but I wasn't having it, and told him to go jerk off in my room alone.

I didn't want to be the only person not jerking off in my own house so I went into my dad's office to 'bate it.' I started and I looked down to see Cody hiding under my dad's desk quivering in fear that Dave was going to rape him. So that made me finish quicker... Not really, but I finished first. I went up to my room to knock and check on Dave. "You finished?" "No hold on." Dave said as I bumbled back downstairs. 

I sat in the reassurance that I had finished first. He finally finished, and bored once again we decided to sleep over at his house. We walked over to his place, he went to sleep and I 'bated it' once more. We woke up the next day and I told him I did this. And that was the first time I got drunk, this last part is unnecessary to the story, but I figured what the heck.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Funny

To me, humor was the only thing I looked for in other people. All of my friends have a sense of humor or are funny themselves. It's strange to me that everybody doesn't want to be a comedian.

When I am with a group of guys, the only real thing I can think to bring them is funny. Other than being kind or going deeper than regular small talk, funny has to be there.

Without humor, we would all kill ourselves from extreme grief. Comedy is a huge way to get through horrible events in our lives. When somebody dies, there has to be some kind of jokes made or funny memories to be shared or else grief would consume us, and we would have no escape from the dark reality.

When people joke offensively about cancer or suicide it has a purpose. Either to make light of their own situation, or others situations. Most likely those comedians have been effected directly by something horrible, like a family member's suicide or death from cancer.

Or it could be just to offend people, which to me has value in regards to annoying the PC police. People think comedians joke about horrible shit because they can get away with it, but it is to get through their life without hating themselves so much. And finding inner peace when they can share that with others.

Deep down, comedians have a true love for people, and human nature. They are willing to sacrifice their own privacy and dwell in the dark thoughts that EVERYBODY has. Most people are grateful to the person who said those 'offensive' words.

I feel best when I am making somebody laugh that I feel needs it. Just to make them possibly feel better about their situation, or to forget about it just for that moment. And to me, that's why I don't see why everybody wouldn't want to get PAID to do that. Everything needs satirizing and it seems WAY to rewarding to make a living doing comedy in some way. I want to make others feel the same way that my favorite comedians have made me feel about my own life and living in general.

Whether it is just silly and serves the purpose of making someone laugh. Or to prove a social point and bring some kind of closure or a different point of view to a topic. Comedy is a necessary force, and will always be around to push the envelope, so we as a society will not be destroyed by our own suppression and sadness.

Monday, May 23, 2016

PC existence

This is going to sound like a drug fueled rant, but it is something I have thought a lot about. I am kind of able to express these opinions, but am still missing some vital pieces and points to back up this argument.

People are programmed in a way that accommodates to the system in place. The school system for example. Obviously it is important to learn basic skills (reading,writing, math) to function with effectiveness. But through out our school careers we are told that we have to go to college to get a job and become successful. This is not true in the case of every individual. Some schooling is necessary for certain jobs (doctors, etc.) But for most other jobs people think they have to go to college for at least four years to get a decent one.

"You can't be a Musician! Comedian! Actor! Somebody who can express their opinions unlike me.. A grumpy school teacher who didn't follow their DREAMS!

 This leaves people in debt to the government, for most of their lives. And some people have graduated are upset at the fact that they cannot drink every weekend and have real responsibilities now. Why do you think they say college is the best time in your life? So you will go and be in debt to the government for most of your life after college.

So we are fed "If you don't pay attention, you won't get a good score on your ACT... No college... No money." A teacher told me something like this... She was my FILM teacher at SIU... Film! She's forty something years old and is still in debt. Teachers are taught this and are hanging anxiety over students to get more college. Which is a myth, it's a way to keep people in line so they won't mess with the system. Because messing with the system makes it harder for the government to maintain control over the masses.

A Machiavelli quote "Since love and fear can hardly exist together if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved."     The government cannot rule in love because it would not work. With big numbers of people, fear is much more effective. That's why the news is fear instilling propaganda that makes people buy shit they believe will protect them.

To rule in love, people would have to be more accepting. And for starters, not attack people of high status who express their opinions. Most people are actually good, but some people are not nice and are bitter about their life. Therefore, love cannot accommodate to everyone. When people go against the system, out of love for their fellow man it is harder for them. Seeing true social injustice and trying to do something about it is a much harder path to go down, but ultimately more rewarding People that 'push the envelope' are necessary forces of nature. Because if we all abide by the rules, we would all be bald and emotionless drones that live to serve the government.

SOUTH PARK is an important show, they have earned the right to say anything they want because they've been speaking their mind unrestricted for decades. Regardless of death threats and legal threats, they have sacrificed themselves for the greater good of free speech. And phony bologna cunts who fake outrage at entertainment like SOUTH PARK and other politically incorrect media are subconsciously 'following the rules' to 'keep us in line'.

When LOUIS C.K. did a bit on child molesters in his SNL monologue, Twitter blew up with these people. One woman said, "... My heart aches for America." What she is doing here is trying to sound deep and caring, and speaking on behalf of The Nation, imaginary people that she does not know, who she is generating for her own benefit. People are punished for speaking their mind because it fucks up the system and makes people harder to control.

And speaking about child molestation in a funny way is not righting any social injustice, but it is to offend annoying douche throats who feel like they can put a lid on how far comedy can go.

I am not speaking on behalf of anyone else, I'm not a notorious figure who has had my work scorned for being inappropriate, but I just felt like saying this. Do what you feel in your heart and your mind, not what you think you should do with the least amount of resistance. People seek immediate gratification at the expense of long term fulfillment. This is not so much about college, it is still beneficial and to be honest I am envious to some degree of my peers who have graduated. But phony social justice 'warrior' cunts, who do it for the sake of seeming deep and caring appall me. Do it for the purpose of bettering your own world, and bothering the people who make life shitty for you. And in using 'cunt' I'm not slandering the place from 'whence I came' or disrespecting the women in my family. I'm insulting the people who disgust me, and using that word upsets them.

Again, I am generating these people to hate on my behalf. I have no idea what kind of point I'm trying to make here. If you enjoyed it, that's grand. I am a tall white male, so I should have nothing to be upset about, right? I still am, people bother me, and individuality is not rewarded. That's why people listen to the same shitty music as everybody else. People do the shit that everyone else is doing to fit in, it feels good to fit in and be accepted. But people do not self analyze, and to me it makes for shittier human beings, that's all I'm trying to do, make better human beings. Which I cannot do, but only attempt.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Anxiety

I have it, obviously. Today I do for no real reason. It's a nervous tingling in my body. An unsettling uncomfortable sense that is at the root of no real cause. There is no immediate threat to my existence, I am in no danger, and I am sitting outside writing this on a beautiful day. Yet the feeling is still there.

Maybe it's the thought that the feelings in my scars will not go away, that is always there. I can't seem to get over that, or forgive myself, but it has to be something deeper than just that. Usually when I drink caffeine it gets worse, I had a can of Cherry Coke, coffee does it too. When I drank coffee at work in my warehouse job I did not get it... I don't know how that worked.

Anxiety is the fear of a possible threat, I think. I don't do things a lot of the time because the idea of it makes me nervous. For example... I work security at night clubs, I have this thought of a visual joke I could do to a patron to make them laugh. I would get there attention, shine my light on my shoe, look back at them then direct their eyes back to my shoe shaking to the music. I have this idea that it will be funny, but I have never done it. I know it is a completely and moronically silly and nonthreatening thing to do but I am scared to do it. I am scared of their non reaction to it, but I KNOW that even if they don't think it's funny, I will still laugh, and I can take small moments of discomfort. 

Right now, there is no threat to me. Is it only some psychological discomfort in not having a steady job ? Maybe, I can't really describe it, I have a lot of opportunities and possibilities that are very positive and I am scared of them. A guy in my Improv class told me today that he has been doing stand up for 6 months and has already gotten paid gigs. We have established a possible relationship through that but that is somehow scary to me. He told me he made his own website, which seems too stressful to do, which causes me anxiety.

Anxiety makes no sense sometimes, I believe it was adapted as a defense mechanism. When cave people had to be scared of wild animals so they would run away and keep living. Now it's manifested in our society as a minor "illness" or what ever you'd call it, that can be medicated. I have pills and I don't really know if it works. The bottom line is I should shut my stupid mouth and fingers and just deal with my shit so it stops preventing me from doing the shit I want to do.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

SHOW: Trailer Park Boys

This is one of my most favoritest shows. I remember when I first watched it. New Years Eve of 2013 to 2014. All of my friends went to Iowa Cityand had a grand ol' time, and I stayed home because I had brushed my hose to hard and had an itchy wee wee. It's an ongoing problem, doctors don't know what's wrong with my hose.... So anyway, I turned it on the Netflix and instantly loved it. Two frenemies getting out of jail heading back to the trailer park to meet up with their old pals and nemesis'. 

There was an instant bond of antagonism with Randy and Mr. Lahey. Ricky hated them, and they were going to keep their eyes peeled on him and Julian. Their enemy relationship is always rich for  plot and story. And Bubbles the friendly cat loving shed dweller who glues everybody together with his love and innocence is great.

There is an amazing chemistry between all of the characters. They can all get mad and hate each other in a very close and believable way. Because deep down they love each other, and are a big family that live in the same home... Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

The show is hilarious. Ricky has a science to his moronicism in his mispronunciations with words and lack of knowledge regarding anything. Which is met by his amazing ability to outwit cops and talk his way out of almost any situation. Bubbles is undeniably great because he is so lovable with his big glasses, and the way he points at everything. Julian is a great straight man, and he ALWAYS HAS A DRINK in his hand, which is an amazing staple to his character.

Drunk Lahey is probably the funniest thing ever. When he's on the liquor and he loses control of his life is amazing to watch. Randy is great because he "Frig's everybody off" and I love when he says "Frig off, Ricky" and he never wears a shirt, which is hilarious. J Roc is an amazing character, and hilarious with his white rapper ness. 

I don't want to go into all of the characters but they all bring something important to the show, and create the sense  of community. They have defined their characters so much for so long. I hear rumors of them just going out to get drunk as their characters, which is amazing character study. I'm not a big fan of their live shows on Netflix, but it's obvious that doing live shows like that builds more strength to their character. 

All of their movies are amazing, and they really cannot be stopped, they'll be hilarious until they die and I love the shit out of this show.

Spreading the Dirt

A lot of my friends are back from college with Bachelors Degrees. Which is good and I'm proud of them. But it seems like the same old shit. Finding out who's fucking who, and who got arrested, and who didn't graduate... I'm doing right now what I'm about to tell you not to do, gossiping.

Everybody is in everybody else's business. Shit talking was a pretty normal sport in high school, but to see it still present in my friends community is bothersome. I'm not shaming them, because I do it too. I enjoy hearing about who' is gay now, who got an STD, and who is selling lots of drugs. It's a natural human behavior to be nosy. Looking at other people's lives and pointing out their flaws is a way to avoid your own shit. And I am just as guilty as anybody else, in passing along rumors and whispers, and asking nosy questions about other people.

People want to look good, and avoid looking bad. So we talk about who we're having sex with, etc. It's a way to project superiority, and avoid our own negative traits and qualities to protect the ego. I enjoy hearing dirty details about other people because it is entertaining and it deflects my negative feelings towards my self. I get to look or hear about someone else's bad shit and feel better in comparison. It is not a healthy or sustaining good feeling. I feel better when I avoid talking negatively about someone when that opportunity presents itself. I have problems with a lot of people's behavior and trying to "fix" them NEVER works. I feel better when I accept people. I feel good when I can say "That's none of my business." Because usually other people see that in you and realize they are spreading unnecessary details.

Also, I don't enjoy hearing about who is having sex with who, because I am not. I don't want to hear about other people, because most of them are probably lying, and it's none of my business. And it makes me feel bad about my own situation, and I get down on myself in comparison to other people's sexual details. It's really more about me, this is all about my own insecurities. That's why I don't want to hear about other people doing it.

So just try keeping to yourself, and avoid talking poorly about your friends, because they are your FRIENDS. Just try to be nice and wear hats that aren't offensive to minorities.


Saturday, May 14, 2016

The Opie and Anthony Show

I'm assuming most of the people that read these are not familiar. But they were a radio show on XM and may other networks for twenty years or so. I never listened to them on the radio, but I discovered them through Jim Norton and have watched/listened to a but hole load of their stuff on YouTube.

Anthony was fired about two years ago for ranting via Twitter about being attacked by a black woman, and it is now Opie with Jim Norton. But I am still able to listen to all of their old stuff, a lot of Patrice O'Neal who has been dead for 5 or so years. I discovered many other comics through their show, like Rich Vos, Colin Quinn, Bob Kelly, and many other Comedy Cellar Comics that bust each others balls mercilessly.

It is kind of a mean spirited radio show, they pick on the disabled and the ill advised, but it is hilarious. They had all of my favorite comics on their, and they just shit on each other. It's like rap battling without out rapping, but just quick witted meanness, and it's amazing to listen to.

This is one that made me laugh a LOT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgCLvNB9WTo
These guys are so dumb, and it's awesome!

This is the show that displayed all of Jim Norton's hilarious characters
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9TsLo5vlfg
 This is the long awaited animated show with all of Jim Norton's characters. There are plenty of long and short clips with all of these characters that are only audio.

I've never been a radio guy, but with YouTube, I am able to listen to these clips through my phone whenever I'm doing things with my hands or my legs. (Cooking, driving, running, playing video games.)  It's a good way for me to jam more comedy inside me when I can't watch a TV show.

It's really funny and it's worth a listen, especially the roasts they have. There are only a few, but the Early Norton Roast is incredible... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0ZQzhj_52c

Most people don't have this much time to "WASTE" but it's a great alternative to music, and it is more educational, at least for me, than music.

This adresses how I discovered them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDfm-tV6YAo

I have them to thank for not feeling so alone, and laughing my balls off.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Getting Fired

I have been fired a good amount of times. Probably more than most people my age. I am not a good employee. I usually don't give a hoot about my company or the work that 'we' do. The first job I think I was fired from was the South Barrington Club. I was a lifeguard. It's not that I don't care about people's safety, but I was busy with another lifeguard job in that summer of 2013. I missed four shifts, and I got a call on my way to work for the other lifeguard gig.

"Three strikes and you're out, Luke. There are people's lives at stake!" 

There were usually eight or so lifeguards on duty, so me missing was not risking anybody's life. And I had more than three strikes. They were going to fire me from that job a year earlier but I showed up to an in service (Monthly 1 hour meeting) and they kept me for some reason.

The next job I was fired from was Meatheads, a hamburger joint in Schaumburg (The Streets of Wood field) . This was a good job, I liked serving, the food and the employees. This was the summer of 2014, and I was drinking a lot and on new medication. So I came a half hour late once, got a bad review from a plant civilian (a food/employee inspector), and then came an hour and a half late. My boss had to fire me, I liked her a lot, I only went back there once.

2016 has not been that great in these regards. I was working at an Improv theater also in The Streets of Wood field the LOL Theater. This one I only missed twice, and I was fired over the phone. This was late January. It was a cool job, box office attendant. But I only worked like twice a month and it was minimum wage. I didn't make a lot of money. I was briefly dissapointed, but I soon got another weekend job with bad hours at Advanced Security Solutions. I ended things with ASS well, I can go back there anytime. Maybe, probably not. I just stopped answering their phone calls to work.

The most recent was this past Tuesday. Kuriyama an industrial hose warehouse, as a material handler and a forklift operator. I was waking up at 5am for a 6am-2:30pm shift, Monday through Friday. It was around $330 a week, more than I'm used to. This was obviously not ideal because I'm a night owl. I had showed up late 5-6 times. The latest I showed up was at 10am.. This past Monday I was 2 hours late. So after my shift this Tuesday the head boss man fired me and I had to hand over my badge and belt.

"This Monday was the straw that broke the camel's back."

I think those are all of the times I've been fired. I've had a lot of jobs, and have not stayed at many of them for long. So, hopefully creativity will work out for me sometime soon, or I'll get fired again and write another blog about it...

I have been fired again since this original posting. I worked at another Forklift  place called Van Guard. This was an easy gig. I forked around ALL day, driving pallets around the whole eight hours with three breaks, and the shift was 12-8:30 which is very good. I never came late, in fact I was often early. But I had an earlier obligation to take classes in Chicago Tuesday nights, 7-10 around three weeks in my working there. My boss accommodated for that, so Tuesdays I would work 8-4:30. Which I did once and really liked. But I then had to start going to Improv class on Thursday nights. So I asked to do 8-4:30 on Thursdays as well. My boss said he'd think about it. Then I got a call from the job agency that put me there and they said my contract had been terminated. 

Since then I have not had a job, it's been a month and a half. I am in Chicago now, and am going back to school. So I won't require a full time job anymore. I've been having to occupy my time with a lot of different things. Mostly not blogging or writing.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

I Watched '2 Girls 1 Cup' with my Dad

I've always wondered why or what has made me want to be a comedian. But this has to be the reason. When the 2 Girls 1 Cup video was spreading virally around 2007,  I'd been hearing a lot about it and my parents had watched already.

We had family over one evening for some holiday. And we were talking about it as a unit and my dad and I decided to branch off to go watch it... Or get it over with. I don't  know why he wanted to join me. 

"You know what... I should be there for my son for moral support and some good bonding time."

 It was horrific and I remember looking back at my dad's disgusted face a few times. Our relationship plateaued at that point and we didn't speak to each other for about 17 days. I may have watched it several times since then... But none of them were as special. 

Now what stemmed this memory was listening to a long Opie and Anthony audio clip and below is the reaction of Louie CK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rxh6_1xJPbE 

And the reaction from Bob Kelly which is FUCKING HILARIOUS
BUT THERE IS VOMITING IN THIS ONE SO......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfvVN5DLT-c 

I got the hiccups I laughed so hard at this.

That's it for me, good evening everybody!!!! 


Saturday, May 7, 2016

My Third Cousin Has Been In Prison Since He Was Sixteen

His name is Brad Warner. He is my father's cousin's first born son. So my father's cousin was named Stu, he was about my dad's age (59), I only met him a handful of times. He had a big hardened belly and an amazing attitude and friendliness towards people. I got to get to know him and hang out with him at my dad at their friends lake house. Those few times were incredible. Just being around this gregarious seemingly care free guy. Who had been living with the knowledge of his sons life sentence.

I don't know all of the details but, Brad and two other friends strangled a young girl to death to steal her car. He was sentenced to life in prison at sixteen. One year later the laws had changed, and he would not have been tried as an adult. So he slipped through the cracks and has been stuck in prison ever since.. He is around 40 now. During his time in prison he has become extremely knowledgeable about the law, and is very well written.


The few first times I met Stu was at (their friend) Wally's lake house, and it was awesome. A delightful place for adults to let loose and fuck around, and for me to watch and partake and enjoy.  Stu had been divorced twice and had remarried a woman named Tammy. At first she seemed extremely vivacious and care free, smoking weed with us and having a good time. But she is an alcoholic, and is a bit off key, (crazy).

They had been married for a few years and it was rumored that Stu wanted to divorce Tammy. Later, Stu died, and his will was "nowhere to be found."

Brad found out about this and has been researching and building a case against Tammy since then . He has been in court with Tammy via Skype to defend his dead father. I'm not sure of any up to date details on this case. I am not sure on the whereabouts of this case. But last time I talked to Brad he seemed very busy.

So it is rumored that Tammy may have killed Stu, and at the funeral she had a fake look of despair and barely running mascara that really turned me off. She was not truly sad for the death of her late husband, unlike her own kids, a few men I liked that were Tammy's sons were crying because they seemingly loved Stu more than she did. This was in the summer of 2013 and Brad has been gathering and collecting evidence to try and get back some of the money and belongings she has taken from him and Stu's other two kids.

I got to meet the younger siblings of Brad. Brian, and Brooke the youngest. They were both great people and great parents, and some of the only other 'Warner's' I now know. Brooke has served in the Military for at least fifteen years and I have maintained somewhat a relationship with her through Face Book. She is supportive of my creativity and is a great person.

I originally wrote this in attempts to spread the support for Brad, he was eligible for parole and requested letters to be written on his behalf... I did not work out I don't think. I have not talked to him for over a year and a half. The last letter I wrote him he has not responded to. I also moved to Chicago so he does not have  my current address.

I hope you enjoyed learning some details about my exterior family. I love them and mean no disrespect in sharing these stories and information.

COMEDIAN: Jim Gaffigan

He is a guy that makes it seem effortless. His silliness and his dryness compliment his family friendly darkness. He is able to say satirical things that are bordering on offense while remaining "clean".
He writes amazing jokes. "I got into a hammock with my cousin and he still won't talk to me." Brilliant...

Amazing, he was one of the first stand ups I remember watching on TV. It was King Baby and his amazing take on bowling. And I remembered thinking I could do that. Now I know that I have a long way to go. I am not too familiar with him as an actor. I've never seen Sooper Troopers all the way through, I remember him briefly on That 70's Show. But I do remember him on a Sierra Mist commercial with Micahel Ian Black that I cannot find.. But it went something like this...

Jim: "There's only one Sierra Mist left, you wanna rock paper scissors for it?"
Michael: "Sure."
(They rock paper scissors shoot, Michael shoots scissors, Jim shoots paper and he immediately grabs the last Sierra Mist and begins drinking it.)
Michael: "What are you doing, I beat you." 
Jim: "Well it was in water, so the scissors would have gotten all rusty and then the paper scoops it up."
(SCENE)

I know... Hilarious. But he has an ease to his genius, I know he works hard at his craft but he does not make that seem so at all.

I believe all of his specials are Beyond the Pale, King Baby, Obsessed, Mr. Universe and his book Dad is Fat is hilarious too. You can find all of these things on YouTube I'm sure, and his books in book places.

I love you Jim Gaffigan.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Bombing at Comedy

Bombing is an essential part of any performing. Especially comedy, primarily stand up for me. I've never really bombed at an Improv show because they are usually after a completed class, and the audience consists of family and friends. And I have not done many of them.

But there is a weird revelation I get when I'm bombing on stage by myself. I get an odd confidence where I don't really care that these people aren't liking what I'm giving them, and I'm still able to talk about whatever I want. FUCK THEM, if they don't like it, I have five minutes to do this because I feel good after I've done it. And sometimes I feel really good after I bomb. It's humbling and it locks you into the present moment, you are surviving up there. Before I think I'm hot shit hilarious and I'm going to kill and I DON'T. And you realize that you have to work harder at it.

Stand up is the only art form that is learned by doing it. You can write jokes all day long but once you're on stage with a light in your face every funny thought or observation leaks from your mind straight to your rectum. You can take Improv classes anywhere, same with sketch writing classes, you can play guitar in your basement... Stand up is only learned by doing it at people in a public format.

Some funny people are too scared to try comedy, because they see an audience as a threat. That can be the case depending on the venue, but for the most part people will clap for you and give you respect for having the sack to go up there.

People bomb in life everyday... Like asking a girl out who rejects you... There is no real threat there either, you're in the same spot you were before. You're going to be safe in your bed later tonight anyway. That's how I view things I don't want to do but know I should.

I see so many "older" people that tell me "I always wanted to try stand up." or "I'm taking this Improv class because people have been telling me I'm funny for fifteen years." Don't be that person! It's often times sad. But if you're doing it then good for you, at least you did it before you're dead.
 
I have nagging thoughts when I don't get on stage often in Improv or Stand up. Same with writing, I have to write at least every couple of days or I feel like I'm failing myself. 

So if you wanna try it, go to an open mic and sign up and DO IT. Stop telling your friends you're going to do it, or tell everyone you would be good at it. If you actually DO it you will feel better. I always feel better... Except when I bomb horribly, but those are important building periods to go through.