Monday, January 25, 2016

Honesty and The Landmark Forum

A shortcut to being funny is cynicism. I would say this is more common in stand ups. But true funny comes from honest expression. Really giving an opinion or thought honestly will probably be tougher and not as funny right away. But will ultimately be funnier and more liberating for both the performer and the audience.

I enjoy some good cynicism every once in a blue baboon, but I see it come at the expense of a truly honest joke. It cuts the legs out from a full idea and goes for the quick payoff.
 I've noticed whenever I vent to my mother and tell her the whole truth she laughs harder than when I try to make her laugh. 

People aren't honest all the time because we're afraid of being exposed. So most people don't share, and they avoid the truth. Usually by lying, or changing the subject to another topic, like I often do. I thought I was being honest when I would get up on stage and tell embarrassing stories about jerking off and what not. But I was still avoiding some truth. I was over exposing my self in a different area to avoid true honesty. 

My biggest fear of exposure is with women... I believe. And I realized that I had an unresolved situation with an ex girl friend. I NEVER would have called her, but I was sitting in The Landmark Forum class, and this floated up. So I called her and we talked honestly and authentically about how it ended, and I said things that I felt were truly exposing. Things that I thought would give her the power or satisfaction over me... Which was total bull shit. It was all in my head, and I was living in the story of what had happened.

So I returned to The Landmark Forum with this issue "resolved" and I still felt the same. I thought some BIG weight was going to be lifted off my shoulders. And it wasn't, so I was concerned about having shared all of that with her. So in this Forum, there is a leader and everyone in the class has a chance to speak. So when I went up there, I was hoping for the leader to dissect my situation that I thought I had resolved. I shared the whole story of how we talked, and that it didn't physically or mentally change me like I thought it would. As I did this, and seeing the leader's reaction, I realized that's how it's supposed to be. Nothing will ever be truly resolved, human beings will never find or take care of the one thing in there lives that will make them happy. And telling the total truth in that moment, and exposing my expectations really did liberate me, and I was euphoric for about an hour.

So, I have since called everyone I can think of that I've had unresolved issues with, and am feeling good. Because I know that there won't be any true change to me physically or mentally. But by doing the act of calling people and expressing myself fully, allows me to feel better, and the people I call are all very appreciative of my expression. I don't feel like putting anything off anymore, because I know it will ruminate in my mind. 

 I personally judge people very quickly, and decide what kind of person they are. And when I get to know someone, and something goes wrong. I make a decision of how they are thinking, and it boils in my brain until I decide they are shitty people. So I live in stories, and so do a lot of people.  

So for me I feel free in a lot of ways. I'm finding myself and want to share my love with others. So if anybody sees me and wants a hug, I will give you one.

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