Saturday, December 31, 2016

Over sharing 'til the End

One thing I enjoy and dread is oversharing. I like doing it in person to therapists and friends and other people willing to listen. I have refrained from oversharing on this blog out of fear of my family reading this. I don't want my sisters/cousins/aunts and family friends to say anything to me or my parents. I want to share myself with others in hopes of relatedness and catharsis. It feels good to get things off of your/my chest. When it stays inside and rattles around my brain it comes out in other frustrated ways.

A new new year's resolution is that I can overshare without shame or fear. You heard it here folks. I guess what I'm trying to say is that a lot has happened this year. I went back to school, moved to Chicago, and my home I grew up in is no longer my family's. So for all of you now I will share a few things that I normally wouldn't.

1.) I masturbated today and did not want to.
2.) I'm drinking alone right now.
3.)  I have had not sex AT ALL this year.
(NOT ABOUT ME) 4.) I found out that a friend of mine who is 32 is a virgin. So having said that, a lot has also not happened this year.

I was not intending to share that with you here right now, I'm leaving a lot out but I'm taking baby steps. I was planning on writing some douche filled end of the year motivational sh-peel to get the crowd pumped up, but that's not the case.

I'm putting into place for 2017 that I will over share on this blog, I will see you all then.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Merry Christmas!!

To anyone reading this I love you, I'm not always able to express it. But I do! If you're nice to me. Christmas can be weird, sometimes I feel like a good time is being forced with gifts and spending time with family. It shouldn't be called 'spending' time, I'm not losing any money, it is a good thing for the most part, unless you dislike you're family.

Otherwise, I'm 'using' time. There are weird words in our language that we don't think about. Like 'return'. That means that you're turning something again. I don't know. Observational jokes from a genius comedian, that's what you get for Christmas from me.

Any who... Merry Christmas!!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

MOVIE: Sling Blade

Directed, written, and starring Billy Bob Thornton. A great story based in Arkansas about a mentally disabled kid (Karl Childers) who murdered his mom and her lover at the age of twelve. He is released from the psychiatric ward he'd been staying at for over half of his life.

It's a great display of the primal needs of humanity,  eating, sleeping, fixing lawn mowers, and creating genuine human connections. It is a very touching and intense story of how Karl befriends a boy (Frank) who is living with his mother and her abusive piece of shit boyfriend.

It is very simple, and straight forward how he lives. And what he does to help Frank. It also co stars Jon Ritter! He is the gay friend of Karl's mom. He is great, and gives a wonderfully vulnerable performance. The film delivers with a solid ending, and reminded me of how basic living has to be, or how people become accustom to their living situations. 

It is the film that made Billy Bob Thornton a big deal! It goes to prove that making your own stuff is important, and will make others recognize you for being talented. No wonder they're making a Bad Santa 2. It also shows how country singers are great actors! Dwight Yoakam plays the boy friend, you've seen him from somewhere.

It is on Netflix, watch it before it gets taken off!

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Improv and Stand up

I started doing stand up October 23rd 2013 and I fell in love. I used to stay awake at night dreaming about being on stage and sharing myself at the hopes of laughter. I no longer stay awake every night thinking about doing it because I've done it a decent amount of times. It became my gateway into doing improv. I still love it but don't do it anymore... Last time I did an open mic was in January.

I do comedy now via Improv. I took my first class June 28th 2014 and fell in love with that as well. Going to an Improv jam/workshop/mixer is more bonding to me and not as pain staking as going to an open mic. There is a lot less waiting, and a lot more support from your fellow performers.

Open mics are actually an amazing thing. People can show up and write their name down and perform. You can see some amazing stuff for free, and that's how you start doing stand up. I feel good that I did that before Improv, because it's harder and it made Improv seem so warm and pleasant, because it is. Open mics are the only way to learn stand up, besides classes, but nothing can teach you to perform in front of an audience. With Improv you can take classes and do jams/workshops/mixers. Stand up is the only art form that is learned by doing it in front of an audience... Besides a class, but a class won't help if you don't do an open mic.

I now hang out with improvisers, and meet new teams and people everyday being in the Chicago Improv community. Improv makes me a better person. It helps with listening, empathizing and having people's backs. Stand up is solo, analytical and judgmental. It is the comedian judging society, them self, and the crowd is judging them. Comedians make fun of everything and it is an amazing thing to watch great stand up. It is more of a rogue warrior having the balls to go up by themselves and be completely vulnerable to the world. Watching great Improv is amazing too, watching a seasoned team recognize each others patterns and build a beautiful painting before your eyes is a treasure.

 Comparing it to stand up, I would say Improv is building a chair together, and stand up is tearing something down that is already built, or hitting other things with your chair. Yes anding yourself versus yes anding your partner.

I don't really meet new people who are stand ups because I no longer do open mics, but it is something I will always think about, and will get back to eventually. I feel fulfilled in doing Improv comedically. Although I'm sure I'm resisting something in not doing stand up anymore, I still come up with bits in my mind.  I have huge love and respect for stand ups, it's so hard to go up by yourself and do poorly over and over. Being up alone allows you to be much more vulnerable to no laughter. It is still a magnificent feeling of defying the audience while you're bombing, and relishing in the laughter that you gave them. Bombing is beautiful in the fear going away, it is often times painful, but you come through it a stronger person. I can remember more times in stan up than in improv of doing poorly, and continuing on, knowing that people probably are still not going to laugh.

I am lucky to know great people in Improv, it is sharing, loving, and always fun. I'm constantly learning, watching and performing. I love the people that I know, they're kind and hilarious and we all want to see each other succeed. I think I am resisting stand up because I don't want to wait to perform. It can take up to hours, and the nerves just build and build as you wait for your turn, and sometimes you don't even get to perform! That's why I admire the successful and working stand ups so much, because they are willing to wait and go up night after night!




Sunday, November 6, 2016

COMEDIAN: Nick Swardson

He is one of the first comedians whose Stand up Specials I watched over and over. Which is "Seriously, who Farted?"(2009) which I can't find on YouTube. But can find his newest special called "Taste it" (2016) Link below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t03_yGcitTY

He's in a lot of dumb Adam Sandler movies like "Benchwarmers" "Don't Mess With the Zohan" "The Longest Yard" "Jack and Jill" "Grown Ups" etc. But he is still fucking hilarious. This sounds negative but I really do love him!

He's been in good movies too, "Grandma's Boy" ""Heckler" and "Reno 911" a Good TV show and some other classics like "Buck Larsen, Born to be a Star."

"Pretend Time" was an amazing sketch show that was cancelled. Below is a bunch of clips from it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_p5wDf1H3sM&list=PLx1otmbpjXJGt4Pvou4ohLHV-7xlAyNdv

He makes silly broad ridiculous comedies that appeal to all types of people. And some part of me wants to dislike him for not satirizing society, but there is always a place for genuine laughter. Because he really does care about people and humanity. And underneath his outrageous silliness, he wants to make a difference and he is. I always listen to podcasts with him and enjoy his insight and wisdom about comedy, and life and on being ridiculous. He is one of the first people to really make me laugh, and he is a treasure:)

Thursday, November 3, 2016

CUBS WIN

"Nuff said. Went down to Wrigley field top of the 8th inning. Waited for the rain delay. Went into extra innings, and kind of barely watched it on a tiny iPhone. Someone was FaceTiming someone who was recording it for them. Then the place erupted! We 'heard' them win. Everybody started jumping, shoving each other, blasting off fireworks. Only two big fights broke out. I was expecting the city to burn! Like some homeless dude said on the Red Line.

It was surreal. It almost didn't happen. 108 YEARS! Not much else to say. Walking home through Wrigleyville was miraculously incredible. Being HISTORY! Fuck yeaH.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

MOVIE: Heckler

This is a very important movie. For aspiring entertainers to watch and for people of the public who think they have valid opinions. It starred Jamie Kennedy and was directed by Michael Addis.

I'm not a 'fan' of Jamie Kennedy. However, as a kid I enjoyed the silliness and the humor in "Malibu's Most Wanted", "Son of the Mask", and "Kickin' it Old School". I appreciate Jamie Kennedy for that! He made me laugh and happier as a result of making those movies at the expense of people spewing their hatred against him. I respect him a lot for making this documentary, and taking the heat face to face from "critics" and "hecklers". He's not one of my favorite comedians, but that does not mean he is not funny, talented and ambitious.

This blog is not popular enough to get "haters". But most blogs that are popular (from what I've learned) are popular for ripping on high status celebrities. And using that high status to gain attention for larger numbers, for their own audience. That's why I don't read other people's blogs, because they are stigmatized as negative. It's like news stations that showed 9/11 over and over to get high ratings.

People that heckle at comedy shows want the attention that they see the comedian getting. They think they are funny but are too cowardly to attempt it themselves. Or they are jealous of the love and attention the comedian is getting. People that anonymously blog negatively about films and filmmakers are wanna be filmmakers themselves. And they are envious and angry at the success they see in others. 

You have no valid argument unless you are a participant in the thing you are criticizing. I used to play football as a kid. I watch a lot of Bears games and play a lot of Madden. I still don't know how to coach in the NFL. Have opinions when you have fruit. When you can grow your own fruit, then you can compare your fruit to others fruit. It's easy to eat someone else's fruit and explain how it can be improved.

It's easy to be negative, and it's easy to pick apart a finished product! People spend years and years of hard work and money to create something for the purpose of humor, satire, etc, or just entertainment. For YOU! And if YOU don't like, then leave, or shut the fuck up. Make something yourself.

Just because something is not funny to you doesn't mean it needs to be put down. Patton Oswalt compared it to sexuality. Some people are gay... Just because you're not attracted to people of the same gender doesn't mean others aren't. 

As a kid I was jealous of movie stars that were getting paid to goof around and kiss girls. I was envious, I did not spread it on the internet, I grew up, and I got over it. Negative critique is childish, immature, invasive, and facetious. They are sad about their own lives and in spewing negativity, they are highlighting their own poor self image. They can't look at themselves, so they attack others.

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here. But this bothers me, and it will be something I'll have to deal with if I gain any notoriety. It's an inevitable evil that entertainers have to deal with. But people as fans can be simply that... FANS. I am currently a fan, I am happy and grateful for my peers in Improv.  Be supportive of those you admire, and whoever you don't like, leave them alone! It's easier than writing a blog about why Jamie Kennedy should die. 

I don't need to spread hate to other critics, haters, and hecklers, because they already hate themselves. (MIC DROP) And I'm out!

Friday, September 30, 2016

Writing

I have not been posting on here a lot. When I write on this laptop, it is usually for a script of some kind. I write on paper when I journal, usually. I tell myself to write everyday but of course I do not. IT'S HARD!!! It seems simple to pick up a pen and some paper, yet it is difficult to actually do it. I have a few tips that I will share, and will probably not follow, and have not done myself.

1. Open a notebook.

Write your name! Write the date! Draw something! Move your hand along the page with a utensil in hand, make some kind of mark on it. Doing the motion will remind you how easy writing is.  It gets your juices flowing. If you stare at a football, you can't throw it until you pick it up. Writing for 1 minute a day is better than nothing. I started sleeping with my notebook in my bed. So whenever I go to bed I write something in there, and read something that I've written.

2. Don't second guess yourself.

The first time you write anything it is probably going to be shit. We think too much about what we're going to write instead of writing down what is in our heads. So many times when I'm writing something I think, "this is terrible!!!" Acknowledge that thought and keep going. If it is overwhelmingly shitty, stop and write on something else you could be working on. Have more than one project going, so you can shift your focus onto something that could be finished or you have more ideas about. Writing is rewriting.

3. Something else about writing that I can't think of right now... The INTERNET!

Being on your laptop with the Internet is tough. There are so many fucking distractions.  Pornography, browsing for stuff to buy, looking up serial killer documentaries on YouTube. There are way too many distractions online. Turn your Wifi off, put on some good music to write to and set an amount of time to write until. Try to make good writing habits. I have not, but I am trying. Trying is half the battle, and is better than not trying.

Those are my 23 year old words of wisdom on writing. Find a habit or a schedule that incorporates that you write everyday. Like Hunter S. Thompson.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/33487/hunter-s-thompsons-daily-routine


Go write your name!!

Friday, September 23, 2016

SHOW: Shameless

Oh! It's wonderful. The American version. A very intriguing and scandalous show I like hanging out with. There are so many disgusting and secretive things that go down and are revealed often in the same episode. In most shows, when there are secrets amongst characters, they remain secrets. But in Shameless the secrets are revealed and more secrets are generated. The writing is so good that the show remains intact with detail after detail spilled to the audience.

Everyone is having sex with each other! 

I thought I had more to say about this show. But it's just great. You should watch it if you haven't. Frank Gallagher rules!

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

COMEDIAN: Doug Stanhope

There are only a few comedians that truly push the envelope on every joke, and are able to articulate their true frustration with society. In a way that comments on themselves and the hypocrisy in humanity. With the harsh and necessary POV of a true social critic.

Doug Stanhope is hilarious, satirical, and he does not take any joke or laugh for granted. Every word he says has meaning and a higher purpose. He has true comedic integrity, and is a real anarchist. With advice on how to scam the government for paying for what they should, and influencing people to behave in a way that would be less selfish.

He has plenty of specials, and he does not care if people bootleg it or not. He doesn't care about the money, he just wants his message to be heard. He is very cynical and filthy, but you must know that he was raised going to AA meetings with his mother. He would listen to alcoholics tell their stories before he was in double digits. So you can understand his negativity and dirty word usage. His mother was a huge influence on him, and in one of his latest specials "Beer Hall Putsch" He talks about helping her kill her self in a hilarious, sweet and justified way.

He is very prolific in making specials. He has "Dead Beat Hero" (2004) "No Refunds" (2007) "Word Of Mouth" "The Great White Stanhope" "Acid Bootleg" "Doug Austin Incident" "Before Turning the Gun on Himself" (2012) and "Beer Hall Putsch" (2013).

I believe those are all of his hours. I'm sure there are more. I'm unable to give him full justice in writing this, but he needs to be acknowledged for his generosity and mission to destroy political correctness, and the obnoxious mainstream and conforming ways people live. I love Doug Stanhope.

Friday, August 19, 2016

First Nursing Home show

AUGUST 18th 1pm was our first Improv show for a nursing home. It was at a place called the "Mosaic of Beacon". I walked into the "performance room" with my team to a microphone on a table next to a popcorn machine. We started out by playing the Improv game 'freeze tag' to silence, odd looks and frequent wheelchairs rolling past us.

Luckily this only lasted ten minutes, after that they started to warm up, laugh, and understand what exactly it was that we were doing. Once we started asking them to participate it was a blast. The residents began giving suggestions, and elaborating on them in their own comical ways. Telling us stories of taking jello shots and going to the "Boom boom room." Which I believe is a sex room.

So our show got more and more raunchy when they began opening up to us. We did scenes with booze, Vicodin, Viagra, jello shots, and flasks in the "Boom boom room". It was great to get them laughing, and interacting with them made them more engaged with the show. We also had the employees laughing which helped too. We finished after 70 minutes or so and the activities director I'd set up the show with invited us back to perform again soon.

After the show I interviewed one of the residents on camera. I asked her how she liked the show. She said she loved the interaction and got more in depth... "The boom boom room is real, I'll show you guys sometimes. And we do jello shots all the time..." This was a great interview, but a woman in charge saw this and made us delete this golden interview. So that was disappointing, but it was still really fun, and a good place to get our first show out of the way.

If anyone is interested in assisting in some way below is a link to a website that lists all the nursing homes in the Chicago land area.

http://www.caregiverlist.com/NursingHomeRatingsAndCosts.aspx

I've been calling these places, and asking for the "activities director" and offering my service of having a comedy team. Most will ignore but many will be very grateful and excited!

Friday, July 22, 2016

Drunk Tale #6

SOMETIME IN DECEMBER 2011

It was a party where all of the different cliques showed up to meet and get to know each other. So everyone was getting drunk quickly to get over the nervous tension. I was doing so as well. It was a clashing of the nerds, pre wook hippies, and these types from other high schools.

I had almost a whole 5th of Captain Morgan to myself. And had some shots from some old buddies I'd met from Little League football and baseball.

This story is chronologically dis configured, but I'm portraying it as it occurred for me. I was completely wasted, blacking out. The night went on and when I awoke I was barely standing in the kitchen handing a female cop my ID, muttering "Can you give me my drugs back?" I was told this by some pre wooks days later, so that is not a confirmed memory. After that I was sitting on the stairs holding my phone as a male cop told me to call my parents for a ride home. I couldn't do it... When I tried dialing I turned on some music, (Datsik - Retreat - Excision Remix) Song BELOW.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kT2YRQLQfQ

I could not figure out how to turn it off. It was scary and very discombobulating. So the male cop took my phone and called my house for me as I drifted in and out of a painful drunken haze.

"Hi sir, we have your son here he is very intoxicated... Yes, you should come get him he is very intoxicated... Yeah he tried calling you but he couldn't. He's very intoxicated."

He must have said it five more times. After that my dad came to get me, we left the house and I knocked some patio light over with my foot and tried to quickly fix it until my dad dragged me away to go home. He made me some pizza rolls when we got home, I'm sure only he remember the conversation we had... I'm lucky he is a good fellow.

The next day I awoke with a huge scratch on my forearm. At some point, I found out what actually happened to me according to my friends who weren't as blacked out as me.

The buddies who drove me there were trying to leave, and could not find me. Apparently, I was passed out in a bush in the back yard. (How I got the scratch on my forearm.)
The cops busted in, and asked for all of our ID's, and as the female cop was holding mine I politely asked. "Can I have my drugs back?" 

 I don't know anything else that happened. That's it I think.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Blogging for no reason

I feel like I should be writing something on this blog. Even though I have nothing in particular to write about. I feel internally obligated to do so because I paid twelve whole dollars for one whole year of having this blog. That's pretty darn cheap but I want to get my money's worth, I'd say.

Part of me thinks no one will read this, and I don't know why anyone would. I don't read anyone else's blog. Because blogs are stupid. Most blogs are douche lords who trash other creative people for being offensive, which stifles creativity for those creative types.. Mostly comedians.

You can keep reading this if you want, I won't know either way, but I'm going to keep writing about nothing. Yeah, I'm not sure what else to say here, I'm just typing away like a meandering neanderthal. That's generally how I feel I live my life, like most of us. Just wandering around trying to avoid reality.

I guess that's it.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Lucid Dreaming and Regular Dreaming

POSTED 7/13/16

I have become intrigued by lucid dreaming. I've looked up some stuff online about it, and have since purchased a book on it. 

"Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming" by Stephen LaBerge and Howard Rheindgold.
I have had trouble lucid dreaming since reading some of this book. What I've noticed is, as soon as I wake up from a dream I realize "I was just dreaming" and if I go back to sleep I try to think of the dream as I am going back to sleep and I still am unaware of the dream state.

Now, I have not been dream journaling and doing certain things that the book tells me to do, so I am not getting any results. But in one phrase, lucid dreaming is basically (a state of AWARENESS.)
We are not aware of our breath until we focus on it, or are told to focus on it, or it is brought to our attention by reading something like this.

What I have become aware of is that I am not aware. I seem to have a fog in my head that diturrs my thoughts from the task at hand and I have trouble completely concentrating on one thing. I am trying to be more aware of my surroundings, and the five senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, sound) and many other areas of life that are secondary to most of us.

This is something I am working on and will continue to work on. Because we spend a third of our lives asleep, and being able to control your dreams is a form of controlling your own mind. Which is a life long goal for me. And you can explore your subconscious to find answers to life you would not be able to in the waking world. It is difficult, I am trying to be more aware of things in my life, and I encourage you all to do the same. Being able to live out fantasies and explore your fears without any consequence, is an amazingly cool thing. And an enlightening way to live life.

I wrote the post above almost a year ago. I am noticing my language choices. I don't use words like 'try' or 'very' anymore, and am hyper aware of when other people say these words. I have learned the nuances behind these words through acting classes. 

There is no 'trying' you can 'try' to pick up a pencil. But if you pick the pencil up you're picking it up and not 'trying' to. And 'very' creates a barrier between what you're saying to a person like "You're very messy" Versus "You're messy." If you notice when people say these two words you'll be able to see the barriers they put up.

As far as DREAMS go... I am studying Creative Writing in Prague! We are studying Franz Kafka and dream theory. I don't know what I want to expand upon with dreams. We all pull our own meaning from our dreams. But it is basically your subconscious exploring your fears and desires. And your imagination is playing out these scenarios. 

The three major categories are uncanny, absurd, and surreal. When we are able to notice any of these three we can distinguish a dream from normal life. Dreaming is cool, I don't always remember mine and have taken a few days off from my dream journaling. I met an amazing Spanish girl in Berlin this past weekend. And I am mostly thinking about her, I don't know why I'm writing about dreaming... Well because I'm back in Prague and have class tomorrow. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Getting Fired #2

Yep, I got fired again. I asked to work different shifts for too many days. And my employer's at my staffing agency informed me that Van Guard had terminated my position. I had an interview for Express Employment scheduled for this upcoming Friday, but I thought "What the heck, might as well do it today." So I called up Express and they told me to come in at 2:30.

So I went, sat in traffic there and back. The interview didn't go all that well. My resume I submitted and the one I brought were different. So I had to lie to them about being fired only hours ago. So I was then forced to tell them that I had worked for Express in the past and was "let go" for coming to work late once.... Yeah right, moronic move. 

He was asking me my strengths and I wanted to say honesty, but I had not displayed honesty earlier so I left it out. As the interview ended he told me to call back around every week to see if they had anything for me. Terrible, just terrible. I should have lied completely and told him I had never worked for Express, and been able to say I worked at Van Guard for six whole months, but I instead half lied and made a half assed liar out of myself.

I left the building not feeling great about the interview. That's when I saw a super incredibly attractivly thick girl in leggings walk right past me. We made brief eye contact and all I could do was slightly smile. I wanted to check out her ass but was nervous to do so due to the elderly black woman across the street from me (we were both about to walk past each other on the crosswalk) .  I finally got a glimpse and was infuriated by the fact that I would never see her or her amazing behind again. I thought about if I had tried to chat her up, possibly get her phone number... etc. But I had a clipboard in my hand and was worrying about my car being towed. I was also worried about the surrounding strangers and what they would have thought of me, as if that matters in anyway. But those kind of things interfere with impulsive thoughts in my cowardly, half assed brain.

So as I drove home I was hanging on to the chance that I would see her and ask her to get into my car or some stupid moronic horse shit like that. And I had to tell myself that nothing probably would have happened if I did try to chat her up, but you never know right?? I guess, that's what I'm telling myself now.

I suppose the message here is to not live half assedly . I kinda sort of lied in my interview, and kinda sorta smiled at an attractive girl and left feeling barely alive. Acting on impulse and thinking rationally both have their goods and bads, but sometimes you just gotta "follow your heart". I don't know how to end this boring story, let's call it here.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Drunken Nights

LAST NIGHT...

I am always reminded why I don't go out to bars after I do it. Because I always over drink, stay out too late, and am in agony the next day. Luckily, I only spent twenty dollars last night, but I was super hungover.

I had a moment upon entering Lamplighters, bumping and pushing around the crowded mad house, of leaving. It was midnight or so, and I would have been much better off physically just leaving then. But... I figured why not stay out for four more hours. It becomes a high school reunion, which is good and bad. I did see some good old friends and people I did not expect to see. But... I stay out too late in hopes of meeting some gal, and end up aggravated coming out empty handed... Luckily I didn't get punched in the face for talking to dudes girlfriends.

Around 4am Durty Nellies closed and I had to walk home. I bummed one cigarette (the only one of the night) for the run/walk home. As I left I saw a yellow Vitamin Water on the sidewalk and scooped that up (good luck for me) for fuel. I began running very fast for no real reason, I almost fell a few times. I was extremely winded, especially while smoking a cigarette. I could feel my body decaying from the alcohol and lack of food and fluid. My head and stomach ache were creeping up, foreshadowing my morning.

As I walked down the road, there were some plastic sticks (I don't know what they're called) I began gathering them as I walked, I picked up about 5 and later laid them down on the train tracks. I began to run again in fear of the police catching me in the act.

I arrived to my backyard winded to lay down. The cold dew felt good on my body. I laid on my back for maybe a half hour as the sun came up hating the physical foreshadowing of the hangover. I was pulling out handfuls of grass and rubbing it on my face... It felt good. I felt sick and decided to make myself puke, rolling over slightly to let it spew out. I wiped more grass on my face to rid of the remains.

I finally went inside, I felt like stroking myself to avoid sleep a bit longer. I finally go to sleep around 5:30 and wake up around 1:30pm. Horrible headache, all I could do was drink water and make a pizza, and that's all I've eaten so far today... I felt like stroking myself one more time to avoid the pain a little longer before I took a shower. And that's about it for this one.

Monday, June 20, 2016

SHOW: Baskets

If you do not know this show, it stars Zach Galifinakis as a rodeo clown, Chip Baskets. This is his dream that he is actively pursuing and is struggling through. His twin brother Dale Baskets, is the successful owner of BCC Baskets Community College, where he is both the dean, a student, and the janitor.  It is essentially Seth Galifinakis, the character of Zach's actual brother that has been developing over his career, and is finally being brought into fruition. They are compared by their mother Christine Baskets, (Louie Anderson) to her more successful adopted DJ twins, who often open for the Chemical Brothers.

It is directed by Jonathon Krisel who has directed Portlandia, Tim and Eric Awesome Show, and on SNL. Who describes the show as a 3 hour movie, and a slapstick drama... Though it is a Louie CK product, and his odd and absurd reality is very present. He breaks the rules of 'normal' reality, with honest border crossing behavior between characters. And the ending happens in such a way that these absurd elements all connect perfectly, and the story could continue for another season. Or be the end Baskets the show and still make perfect sense. That's great storytelling. When a story ends, the possibility of it picking up where it left off can happen or ending it, and it still leaves the audience satisfied.

It is hilarious, and super weird. Chip Baskets' has a similar hard headedness that Zach G seems to have in following what he believes in. And Louie Anderson is just a pleasant and wonderful surprise. He is hilarious, and plays the role of mom all too perfectly.

And there is a dark and depressing dramatic element. Regarding Chip's personal life and how his mother interferes in a way that just would not happen in real life. In a way that most parents are of afraid of truly upsetting their children, even though it is good for them. Among other dark turns that take place in each episode.

Martha is the monotone, benign female apprentice. She seems to always have a broken arm (which is never explained), her dry delivery is amazing. There are also various cameos, and it is just wondiferous.

 Below is an "Inside Look" at it's creation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T4VqRIYWC4

And below below is a slightly more dissected taste of the show.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdfMTP6lNY4

GIVE IT A WATCH. You will be entertained and surprised and blown away.


Sunday, June 12, 2016

Cuvee night club security story

I was working security at Cuvee  (12-5am). And I was welcoming people inside. I enjoyed that a lot, smiling to the pretty ladies and welcoming people in. After patrons enter there is a walkway with the VIP section on the left, and on the right is a step up area with tables and couches. 

Around 2am there is a scuffle on the walkway. More like, some guys were tackling each other onto the step up and beating each other violently. It was exciting, and I can't say I didn't enjoy watching momentarily. So I yell emergency into the mic system, but no location. And as I'm yelling I realize I don't know what to call the step up area. But luckily, other more equipped guards showed up to pull the guys apart. 

One of them was in a full nelson by another guard, and I went over to hold his arms down... Poor technique on my part. For about three seconds this guy was cool, then suddenly, "Get the fuck off me!" He starts ripping away from me and the other guard, he ducks and I try to get him in a head lock as he jerks his head up into my lip (luckily not my nose). It only hurt a little, I could have gotten seriously frunked up from this drunk dick's skull. A number of other guards swarmed him, pinned him down, and dragged him out, and threw the other guy out on the other side of the club.  

After that, there were no problems. Which was nice, I saw a friend from an old Improv class... I am noticing that right here was a key moment. Because this friend from an old improv class said to me that night "Hey let's write something. I know I'm drunk, but I am serious." And I believed him... And now, a year later we are in the middle of putting a crew together to shoot our written pilot in less than a month!

When I got home, for some reason I did not want to go to sleep. I got some coffee from 711, their donuts were not out yet. And they were rude about not having their donuts out, so I instead went to Dunkin' Donuts, for some D's. I brought them home and brewed another pot of coffee, (to try and stay awake). I eat and drink them and feel stuffed and tired. I begin to flip between Ren and Stimpy and the 2005 version of Bad News Bears. I had some good laughs, but I fell asleep despite all of the coffee. Coffee actually makes me tired some times. I wanted to stay up because Chicago at 6am is a beautiful site. And I was a bit wired from being involved in manhandling drunk euros. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

COMEDIAN: Ralphie May

He was one of the first comedians I saw on Comedy Central. An obese southerner in a big leather jacket was an interesting sight to see, and something I never thought possible. He has a fearlessness regarding race, religion, and politics that is rare in white comics.

He crosses every line in a sophisticated and extremely satirical manner.  He has a bit on doing acid, and as he did it I realized that anything can be talked about on stage and it inspired me to believe I could do it.

Stand up is really the only thing he does too (a purist). He has his own back one hundred percent and no person or audience can scare him from the topics he chooses to talk about. He is able to defend himself completely and unabashedly.

The first special of his that I saw was Girth of a Nation, which really did change my life and inspire me. He has other specials like Too Big to Ignore, Austin Tatious, and Just Correct, (Which is below)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJg35tSwLFM 

His newer ones on Netflix are Unruly and Imperfectly Yours which I liked better. It is hilarious and he kills it and displays his fearlessness and not giving a fuck about anything attitude.

I love Ralphie May and I always will. He is one of the first I've seen, I have a great respect for his comic POV and only relying on himself to create comedy to change the world.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Drunken Idiots at Clubs

I work at a fancy night club, so I get to witness rich European and foreign buffoons pay thousands of dollars for bottle service while watching beautiful/skanky women parade around in skin suits. It is an interesting job where I get to observe these people, in their most horrible drunken states (3-4 in the morning.) I do enjoy seeing some of the regulars, smiling to attractive women when they enter, and the occasional drunken conversations that go something like"Dude, she has a dick."

To me it is the epitome of unnecessary extra curricular bullshit, when comparing it practically to starving people and such. Where these people are out trying to force a good time, spending WAY too much money to try and pick up women. And dance to commercial main stream garbage cunt vomit music that these people actually know the words to. I'm in luh wit da coco.. Yeah are you, really? Stupid god damn lyrics.

 I also see guys come in with their girlfriends.... WHY? You brought the woman to the place where you pick up other women. You don't need to come to the club, you already got a lady. Stay at home and do stuff to each other, don't waste all of your money and try to have a good time with other people for no reason. But, this is not a problem, just a silly observation of mine.

So I stand around in a certain area, I get to talk to cute girls, and chat with drunk Europeans, and usually I don't mind it, it can be very amusing. I do enjoy it, it seems like I am complaining, because this element of humanity disturbs and upsets me. And on occasion, fights will break out. 

When we close at 4:30am, people do not want to leave. Even though the music is turned off, the lights are turned on, and every security guard in there is telling them to leave. We have to yell at them over and over and over to "Please leave because we are closed". And we continue doing this once we get them outside in the parking lot. "You guys can go hang out in other parking lots, but you can't stay here." Is my favorite line that they rarely listen to. So that part is annoying, but it is better than being on the other side of this situation, and not making a drunken ass of my self anymore.


But before the parking lot. A fight broke out in the exit hallway. Twenty guards show up, I am way behind and don't really see anything, but get to pretend like I'm doing something. The fight goes to the parking lot. I go out to the parking lot, I can hear through my radio that my boss has one of the guys who was fighting and is keeping him safe by having someone else pull his car around to get him.

We're all out in the parking lot, it is getting light outside. (This was 5am this morning.) And then I see another collage of men in suits running towards the other side of the parking lot to stop another fight. Again I get to run over and witness my fellow guards taking care of the situation.

It just baffles me that morons want to start fights at clubs, when it's closing. Mostly because I have to kind of deal with those shenanigans. I am just so not in that world, and I appreciate the outside perspective I can have. It is loaded with funny things and can become great material. But if you have ever started or instigated a fight over a girl or any other bull shit reason you are an ass hole, and a stereotype of the drunken male attempting to display his testosterone. And you should all be forced to suck a cock at gun point.

Peace, Love, and Cocksucking!

Saturday, June 4, 2016

The Internet and Social Media

In this day and age we have access to ALL of the information. When you look in the right places and find the right things to read/watch/listen to, you become far more informed than the generations before that did not have this kind of immediate access. Yet, there are still plenty of dumb people out there who know a lot of information. And with Social Media, dumb people are allowed to have a voice and spew there misspelled hatred online with this information that everyone has access to.

To me those are the two opposite spectrums of the Internet. People who use it to gain knowledge and insight on life to live better and prepare for their future. And people who use it to put out their dumb opinions, post their food on Snap chat and Instagram, and try to gain followers on Twitter for the sake of gaining followers.

When people try to project their happiness through social media, (Which I also do) they are feeding the stereotype of phone dwelling millenniums, and it keeps individuality in lock. When I put out something to say "I'm happier than you right now." I am responding to the other people on the Internet that are doing the same thing. Which keeps MY individuality down, we're feeding the machine, and putting other human beings down! 

We're reinfocing the stereotypes of Millennial jag nobs that only have value in what they shit out onto their Social Media platforms. And listen to the same garbage pop/rap music that is HORRENDOUS, with bad messages, especially to kids. And they have to play "Turn down for what" at every sporting event. Just because it is the most "popular" song, without listening to the lyrics before and shoving it out into public. To me, listening to these popular songs feeds into the stereotypical, materialistic American person. You may like these songs, I admit some of them are catchy. But to me, if you do like those songs, you just like them because EVERYBODY else does, and you want to fit it.

In females it has a different aspect. A lot of Snap chat/Instagram girls gain followers through twerking videos and promiscuous photos. "Not looking for a hook up." REALLY? Tinder profile where your cleavage is popping underneath your sultry blue eyes. But without these photos, there are still girls that just want lots of followers because they find value in being 'followed' by a lot of people.  Followers equals attention an "love". This is the same for men too, I personally would like more followers so more people could read this stupid blog and watch my stupid videos. 

The Internet is an amazing thing. It is rich with infinite information that most people abuse to try and gain notoriety through Social Media. People compare the amount of followers and put their value on that amount. When we could be taking in all of the rich information that is online, and applying it to our lives without having to tell everybody about it. But people just want to be famous NOW. Now... I want to be famous too. I want to be a successful Comedian/Actor/Writer which requires some notoriety. But what I've learned through Podcasts and research is that I don't want to be famous now.

If I can exercise my writing/acting/comedy in obscurity for years and years where I am growing in skill and knowledge. Then when I am older and well equipped, I can earn becoming famous, and be ready for whatever negative aspects come with it. And will be well rounded enough to maintain that notoriety. When people get famous too early, they fuck up and the whole world sees it, and they are often too young to recover. Besides they are at the age where they are supposed to be doing dumb shit! But not in front of the whole country... Like Justin Beiber.

People want instant gratification, that's why we jerk off and eat bad food. But patience, to me, is the key to success. And to be a part of something bigger than yourself takes time, practice and repetition.

Friday, June 3, 2016

Drunk Tale #5

TUESDAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING 2015

My friends were home from college and we had plans to go out to the bars in Palatine that night. It was a friend Joe's birthday so a bunch of us dudes went over to his house to drink before hand.

Joe had been seeing some girl through Tinder, and she had been texting him very graphic, detailed, and poetic descriptions of what she was going to 'do' to him for his birthday. I was impressed by the writing of it and the commitment to finish her entire fantasy and display it so eloquently through text.

I was jealous of this impressive writing commitment (Something I will not display totally in this post). And the fact that Joe was going to get laid, and I was alone. So I got this feeling of "I'm gonna get laid tonight."

We went to the bar, and it was like twelve dudes and that's it. We were waiting for some other people. Later, other people who still in Palatine (Like me) showed up, along with a blonde girl I had never seen before. It was (let's call them Chris, Rob, Amy, and the blonde Brittany) Brittany came right up to me and we started talking. She had a deadness in her eyes, and was very wasted on something, but I saw my chances here. At one point, she dropped something and bent down backing her ass right into my crotch with Chris and Amy standing RIGHT THERE watching.

Brittany had some what become attached to my presence because everyone she came with was ignoring her. At one point I was standing up talking to some other guys I hadn't seen in awhile, and she walks right up to me and stands staring at me as I'm in the midst of a conversation. I glance at her occasionally, and her eyes are locked on mine. So eventually I leave the conversation to keep her company. 

On occasion I would see Rob talking to her, it looked like an intense meeting every time they were talking. 

So later it is just me and her sitting at the bar, and I ask if she is dating Rob. She says something like.. "Yeah kind of. But he keeps texting his ex girlfriend (A girl he met at a party I threw years ago), about how she is going to kill herself." This I do not want to hear, and whenever she would bring it back up I had to stop her. I still saw my chances and decided to ignore any logical thoughts of not getting involved in this mess. We were migrating to a new bar, and Brittany forgot her coat, so I had to grab it and put it on her. This to me symbolized and solidified me taking care and being responsible for this drunken blonde mess.

Rob did not come to this new bar, and I was the only one Brittany was talking to. Rob kept calling her, and she kept telling me how she didn't want to get played by him. So I turned her phone off, I was sick of hearing about Rob texting his ex, and Brittany still kept insisting that she didn't want to get played. Rob began calling me, and I ignored him. I was in too deep, I had to pry my dick into this situation.

At some point she said he was there to pick her up, she went outside and I thought she'd left, but she came back in minutes later. Eventually she wanted to leave, so we made our way out into the cold to try and get a cab. Luckily, I saw some friends and they gave us a ride back to my place, around 1 or 2am.

We get there, I send her to my basement to wait as I take a long pee to prepare for battle. I go downstairs and she is petting my cat waiting. I turn on some music, we start kissing and then I hear BANG BANG BANG BANG DING DING DING DING. At first I didn't believe this was happening, then my mind raced to "That's Rob" Obviously....

I throw her off of me, I run upstairs and see Rob through the door, I open it and shove him back. We go back and forth with words like "Dude, that's my girlfriend." "She thinks your playing her." Etc. I tried to explain my case to him but was obviously in no shape to get my point across in that short of time. His brother (who gave him a ride)  is standing there apologizing for Rob. Then my dad comes running outside in his underwear and is quite upset.

He yells at them to GTFO and Rob drops "My girlfriend is in there." My dad looks back at me disgusted, and I have no answer for him. Somehow my Dad and I get back inside with Rob and his brother still outside. They get back in their car, and I thought they were going to leave. And as I thought this I believed I was still going to 'get some'. I contemplated calling the cops so I could 'get some' but they come back to the front door and I go limp. I open the door and ask Rob if he wants Brittany back and he does. The bull shit of the situation had sunk in and I was tired of it. So I go downstairs and grab her, she comes back up taking a very long time, I hand Rob her purse saying "You deal with her now." At this point Rob wants to talk things over because he has what he wants, but I am done. They leave, I have a brief chat with my parents and eventually go to bed. 

The next day I see apologetic texts from Rob, once I respond he gets upset at me for blatantly taking home his 'girlfriend'. We go back and forth for awhile, whatever I don't want to get into those details. 

Sometime later, my parents notice a crack in the door from when he banged the shit  out of it. (His hand was all fucked up.) So we get a quote on the door $150. He comes over a month later to drop off the money in my mailbox, I go to get it, it's only $100. I let him know, and months and months later after dodged phone calls and texts we arrange for me to come pick up the last $50.

I pull up to his driveway to see him and his EX (The girl he met at my party who was threatening to kill herself because of him) along side him. It seemed to fit, so I got all the money back, we got the door fixed, and that was the closest I've come to getting laid since.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Podcasts

Listening to Podcasts has taken over listening to music for me. I love and find more value in listening to comedians having conversations. I love WTF with Marc Maron, The Nerdist Podcast, YMIW with Pete Holmes, The Monday Morning Podcast with Bill Burr, The Church of what's Happening Now with Bobby Diaz, The Joe Rogan Experience, The Duncan Trussell Family Hour. Amongst many many others. Theses podcasts have allowed me to get to know all of theses people, and all of the people they have interviewed or had on their podcasts.


Most of us have iPhones, it is the small purple app with with looks like a stick figure's torso and head with two circles radiating from the top. You can download AS MANY as you want, and it's all FREE. I have learned so much from listening to podcasts. Whether it be advice on comedy and show business, or insight's on life and success and many other un explainable  things I've gained from listening to podcasts.

Something was confirmed for me in listening to Joe Rogan's podcast recently. Being able to 'hang out' with cool people through your ears. Especially if you live in a place where you are surrounded by people you don't feel push you to be better. You can escape and listen to somebody you love and who makes you laugh.  I had this thought of being able to escape your present reality, in some ways not talking to other people is unhealthy. But when I'm stuck listening to people in my life talking nonsense, I am calmed in the reassurance of being able to listen to a podcast.

I always listen to podcasts when I work out or run. I don't need any psyche up music, I can just listen to the conversations of interesting and funny people. I listen to A LOT of podcasts, I would love to make one. And the opposite, I have never read anyone else's blog, and I don't get why anyone reads mine. But I appreciate anyone who has made it this far. :)

It is the best alternative to music. I often re listen to certain ones to recapture the feeling I got from listening to it the first time, or to remember some great advice or insight. TRY IT OUT. IT'S FREE!

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Not doing shit

Whenever I am way too bored and refuse to do anything productive, I feel awful. Yesterday I watched 3 episodes of Trailer Park boys, Louis CK's Chewed Up, and two basketball games, among other distracting activities. I kept pushing the nagging sensation to create something down, just so that I could 'catch up' on watching stuff. There are never going to be enough things that you've watched in order to feel satisfied with being up to date on all of the shows out there.

Whenever I am not writing, and I think I should be writing, I feel bad. And usually when I make myself write, I feel better. Something always doesn't click when I am writing something. Often times I feel what I am writing is stupid, and isn't going anywhere. But, other times things start to flow and I think to my self... What a wonderful world. No I actually think that I should have been writing earlier.

With this knowledge yesterday I still did not write anything. I had all these excuses of being exhausted from my weekend trip to Michigan getting drunk with family and friends. While having the internal dialogue of "That doesn't mean you can't write. Write! You'll feel better if you write."

I ignored this and continued to watch TV and play video games, and the anxiety and frustration of unproductive ness was unavoidable. There can also come a threshold of doing to much work. I've written for an hour today, I edited some things, I posted stuff to my FaceBook pages, and I can feel that there is still much more to be done. But that is a better problem to have than not doing shit all day long. It is better to have done something productive, even if you don't want to, because you'll feel better.

I rarely do leg lifts. It is hard. But if I do them for 30 seconds, while I'm doing them it sucks. But right afterwards when I can relax my core and my legs, it feels good, and somewhat accomplishing.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Drunk Tale # 4

SOMETIME SEPTEMBER 2010

I was a sophomore in high school. I was with my good friend (Let's say Dave) at my house with my parents gone. We had already gotten stoned and we were sitting around bored. I had the urge to get drunk, I had never done this before. Dave had been getting high longer than me, and had been drunk before. He was apposed to my idea.

"Bob Marley once said that 'Alcohol is the destruction of society, and marijuana is the healer.'" He said. So I said. "Well that sounds nice but I'm going to get drunk anyway."

So I went over to my parents liquor cabinet (which I had discovered earlier, this sparked the idea) and starting drinking straight from some shitty vodka bottle. It was weird being by myself doing it with my friend hanging out in the living room. I began getting a bit intoxicated and Dave felt left out so he joined me.

"You're not using a chaser?" He Asked. "What's a chaser?" "I'll go get one." Dave said as he went to the garage to grab two Mountain Dew Voltages.  

So we began taking shots and chasing it with the delicious Mountain Dew. The first tingly buzzing sensations of being drunk started kicking in, and I'm sure a dumb nagging smile crept onto my face. I was beginning to experience being drunk and it was grand. Dave and I were adding a new level to our friendship.

Once we were drunk enough we grew bored with my house and felt like going on an adventure. So we packed up the vodka into a water bottle, brought a fresh Voltage, along with some weed, a lighter, and a bowl. We started walking through the night with a new sense of relief, taking on the night instead of avoiding it. We drank on the way to the children's park, and once we got there we drunkenly packed the bowl. I took the first hit, handed it to Dave and looked up to the stars feeling better than I ever had. I was euphoric, and I'll never be that happy again! We finished smoking, we were good and crunk, so we started back to my house.

As we were walking back I had to pee. So we pulled over, and I pulled my dingaling out to urinate. Dave put his hands on my shoulders and I had the thought of This feels right. And in any other moment or context it would have felt inappropriate. I finished and we went back to my place.

Once we got there we were bored once again. So Dave says, "Dude, I'm horny I gotta bate it." I was taken a bit aback but understood. 

"Okay, Dave. I have a laptop in my room, there's lotion too, just grab a tissue from the bathroom."  "Hold on. Where's Cody? I want him in the room with me."
 Cody is my little white dog. So I said to Dave. "NO." 
He tried to convince me that he just wanted him in the room with him but I wasn't having it, and told him to go jerk off in my room alone.

I didn't want to be the only person not jerking off in my own house so I went into my dad's office to 'bate it.' I started and I looked down to see Cody hiding under my dad's desk quivering in fear that Dave was going to rape him. So that made me finish quicker... Not really, but I finished first. I went up to my room to knock and check on Dave. "You finished?" "No hold on." Dave said as I bumbled back downstairs. 

I sat in the reassurance that I had finished first. He finally finished, and bored once again we decided to sleep over at his house. We walked over to his place, he went to sleep and I 'bated it' once more. We woke up the next day and I told him I did this. And that was the first time I got drunk, this last part is unnecessary to the story, but I figured what the heck.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Funny

To me, humor was the only thing I looked for in other people. All of my friends have a sense of humor or are funny themselves. It's strange to me that everybody doesn't want to be a comedian.

When I am with a group of guys, the only real thing I can think to bring them is funny. Other than being kind or going deeper than regular small talk, funny has to be there.

Without humor, we would all kill ourselves from extreme grief. Comedy is a huge way to get through horrible events in our lives. When somebody dies, there has to be some kind of jokes made or funny memories to be shared or else grief would consume us, and we would have no escape from the dark reality.

When people joke offensively about cancer or suicide it has a purpose. Either to make light of their own situation, or others situations. Most likely those comedians have been effected directly by something horrible, like a family member's suicide or death from cancer.

Or it could be just to offend people, which to me has value in regards to annoying the PC police. People think comedians joke about horrible shit because they can get away with it, but it is to get through their life without hating themselves so much. And finding inner peace when they can share that with others.

Deep down, comedians have a true love for people, and human nature. They are willing to sacrifice their own privacy and dwell in the dark thoughts that EVERYBODY has. Most people are grateful to the person who said those 'offensive' words.

I feel best when I am making somebody laugh that I feel needs it. Just to make them possibly feel better about their situation, or to forget about it just for that moment. And to me, that's why I don't see why everybody wouldn't want to get PAID to do that. Everything needs satirizing and it seems WAY to rewarding to make a living doing comedy in some way. I want to make others feel the same way that my favorite comedians have made me feel about my own life and living in general.

Whether it is just silly and serves the purpose of making someone laugh. Or to prove a social point and bring some kind of closure or a different point of view to a topic. Comedy is a necessary force, and will always be around to push the envelope, so we as a society will not be destroyed by our own suppression and sadness.

Monday, May 23, 2016

PC existence

This is going to sound like a drug fueled rant, but it is something I have thought a lot about. I am kind of able to express these opinions, but am still missing some vital pieces and points to back up this argument.

People are programmed in a way that accommodates to the system in place. The school system for example. Obviously it is important to learn basic skills (reading,writing, math) to function with effectiveness. But through out our school careers we are told that we have to go to college to get a job and become successful. This is not true in the case of every individual. Some schooling is necessary for certain jobs (doctors, etc.) But for most other jobs people think they have to go to college for at least four years to get a decent one.

"You can't be a Musician! Comedian! Actor! Somebody who can express their opinions unlike me.. A grumpy school teacher who didn't follow their DREAMS!

 This leaves people in debt to the government, for most of their lives. And some people have graduated are upset at the fact that they cannot drink every weekend and have real responsibilities now. Why do you think they say college is the best time in your life? So you will go and be in debt to the government for most of your life after college.

So we are fed "If you don't pay attention, you won't get a good score on your ACT... No college... No money." A teacher told me something like this... She was my FILM teacher at SIU... Film! She's forty something years old and is still in debt. Teachers are taught this and are hanging anxiety over students to get more college. Which is a myth, it's a way to keep people in line so they won't mess with the system. Because messing with the system makes it harder for the government to maintain control over the masses.

A Machiavelli quote "Since love and fear can hardly exist together if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved."     The government cannot rule in love because it would not work. With big numbers of people, fear is much more effective. That's why the news is fear instilling propaganda that makes people buy shit they believe will protect them.

To rule in love, people would have to be more accepting. And for starters, not attack people of high status who express their opinions. Most people are actually good, but some people are not nice and are bitter about their life. Therefore, love cannot accommodate to everyone. When people go against the system, out of love for their fellow man it is harder for them. Seeing true social injustice and trying to do something about it is a much harder path to go down, but ultimately more rewarding People that 'push the envelope' are necessary forces of nature. Because if we all abide by the rules, we would all be bald and emotionless drones that live to serve the government.

SOUTH PARK is an important show, they have earned the right to say anything they want because they've been speaking their mind unrestricted for decades. Regardless of death threats and legal threats, they have sacrificed themselves for the greater good of free speech. And phony bologna cunts who fake outrage at entertainment like SOUTH PARK and other politically incorrect media are subconsciously 'following the rules' to 'keep us in line'.

When LOUIS C.K. did a bit on child molesters in his SNL monologue, Twitter blew up with these people. One woman said, "... My heart aches for America." What she is doing here is trying to sound deep and caring, and speaking on behalf of The Nation, imaginary people that she does not know, who she is generating for her own benefit. People are punished for speaking their mind because it fucks up the system and makes people harder to control.

And speaking about child molestation in a funny way is not righting any social injustice, but it is to offend annoying douche throats who feel like they can put a lid on how far comedy can go.

I am not speaking on behalf of anyone else, I'm not a notorious figure who has had my work scorned for being inappropriate, but I just felt like saying this. Do what you feel in your heart and your mind, not what you think you should do with the least amount of resistance. People seek immediate gratification at the expense of long term fulfillment. This is not so much about college, it is still beneficial and to be honest I am envious to some degree of my peers who have graduated. But phony social justice 'warrior' cunts, who do it for the sake of seeming deep and caring appall me. Do it for the purpose of bettering your own world, and bothering the people who make life shitty for you. And in using 'cunt' I'm not slandering the place from 'whence I came' or disrespecting the women in my family. I'm insulting the people who disgust me, and using that word upsets them.

Again, I am generating these people to hate on my behalf. I have no idea what kind of point I'm trying to make here. If you enjoyed it, that's grand. I am a tall white male, so I should have nothing to be upset about, right? I still am, people bother me, and individuality is not rewarded. That's why people listen to the same shitty music as everybody else. People do the shit that everyone else is doing to fit in, it feels good to fit in and be accepted. But people do not self analyze, and to me it makes for shittier human beings, that's all I'm trying to do, make better human beings. Which I cannot do, but only attempt.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Anxiety

I have it, obviously. Today I do for no real reason. It's a nervous tingling in my body. An unsettling uncomfortable sense that is at the root of no real cause. There is no immediate threat to my existence, I am in no danger, and I am sitting outside writing this on a beautiful day. Yet the feeling is still there.

Maybe it's the thought that the feelings in my scars will not go away, that is always there. I can't seem to get over that, or forgive myself, but it has to be something deeper than just that. Usually when I drink caffeine it gets worse, I had a can of Cherry Coke, coffee does it too. When I drank coffee at work in my warehouse job I did not get it... I don't know how that worked.

Anxiety is the fear of a possible threat, I think. I don't do things a lot of the time because the idea of it makes me nervous. For example... I work security at night clubs, I have this thought of a visual joke I could do to a patron to make them laugh. I would get there attention, shine my light on my shoe, look back at them then direct their eyes back to my shoe shaking to the music. I have this idea that it will be funny, but I have never done it. I know it is a completely and moronically silly and nonthreatening thing to do but I am scared to do it. I am scared of their non reaction to it, but I KNOW that even if they don't think it's funny, I will still laugh, and I can take small moments of discomfort. 

Right now, there is no threat to me. Is it only some psychological discomfort in not having a steady job ? Maybe, I can't really describe it, I have a lot of opportunities and possibilities that are very positive and I am scared of them. A guy in my Improv class told me today that he has been doing stand up for 6 months and has already gotten paid gigs. We have established a possible relationship through that but that is somehow scary to me. He told me he made his own website, which seems too stressful to do, which causes me anxiety.

Anxiety makes no sense sometimes, I believe it was adapted as a defense mechanism. When cave people had to be scared of wild animals so they would run away and keep living. Now it's manifested in our society as a minor "illness" or what ever you'd call it, that can be medicated. I have pills and I don't really know if it works. The bottom line is I should shut my stupid mouth and fingers and just deal with my shit so it stops preventing me from doing the shit I want to do.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

SHOW: Trailer Park Boys

This is one of my most favoritest shows. I remember when I first watched it. New Years Eve of 2013 to 2014. All of my friends went to Iowa Cityand had a grand ol' time, and I stayed home because I had brushed my hose to hard and had an itchy wee wee. It's an ongoing problem, doctors don't know what's wrong with my hose.... So anyway, I turned it on the Netflix and instantly loved it. Two frenemies getting out of jail heading back to the trailer park to meet up with their old pals and nemesis'. 

There was an instant bond of antagonism with Randy and Mr. Lahey. Ricky hated them, and they were going to keep their eyes peeled on him and Julian. Their enemy relationship is always rich for  plot and story. And Bubbles the friendly cat loving shed dweller who glues everybody together with his love and innocence is great.

There is an amazing chemistry between all of the characters. They can all get mad and hate each other in a very close and believable way. Because deep down they love each other, and are a big family that live in the same home... Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

The show is hilarious. Ricky has a science to his moronicism in his mispronunciations with words and lack of knowledge regarding anything. Which is met by his amazing ability to outwit cops and talk his way out of almost any situation. Bubbles is undeniably great because he is so lovable with his big glasses, and the way he points at everything. Julian is a great straight man, and he ALWAYS HAS A DRINK in his hand, which is an amazing staple to his character.

Drunk Lahey is probably the funniest thing ever. When he's on the liquor and he loses control of his life is amazing to watch. Randy is great because he "Frig's everybody off" and I love when he says "Frig off, Ricky" and he never wears a shirt, which is hilarious. J Roc is an amazing character, and hilarious with his white rapper ness. 

I don't want to go into all of the characters but they all bring something important to the show, and create the sense  of community. They have defined their characters so much for so long. I hear rumors of them just going out to get drunk as their characters, which is amazing character study. I'm not a big fan of their live shows on Netflix, but it's obvious that doing live shows like that builds more strength to their character. 

All of their movies are amazing, and they really cannot be stopped, they'll be hilarious until they die and I love the shit out of this show.

Spreading the Dirt

A lot of my friends are back from college with Bachelors Degrees. Which is good and I'm proud of them. But it seems like the same old shit. Finding out who's fucking who, and who got arrested, and who didn't graduate... I'm doing right now what I'm about to tell you not to do, gossiping.

Everybody is in everybody else's business. Shit talking was a pretty normal sport in high school, but to see it still present in my friends community is bothersome. I'm not shaming them, because I do it too. I enjoy hearing about who' is gay now, who got an STD, and who is selling lots of drugs. It's a natural human behavior to be nosy. Looking at other people's lives and pointing out their flaws is a way to avoid your own shit. And I am just as guilty as anybody else, in passing along rumors and whispers, and asking nosy questions about other people.

People want to look good, and avoid looking bad. So we talk about who we're having sex with, etc. It's a way to project superiority, and avoid our own negative traits and qualities to protect the ego. I enjoy hearing dirty details about other people because it is entertaining and it deflects my negative feelings towards my self. I get to look or hear about someone else's bad shit and feel better in comparison. It is not a healthy or sustaining good feeling. I feel better when I avoid talking negatively about someone when that opportunity presents itself. I have problems with a lot of people's behavior and trying to "fix" them NEVER works. I feel better when I accept people. I feel good when I can say "That's none of my business." Because usually other people see that in you and realize they are spreading unnecessary details.

Also, I don't enjoy hearing about who is having sex with who, because I am not. I don't want to hear about other people, because most of them are probably lying, and it's none of my business. And it makes me feel bad about my own situation, and I get down on myself in comparison to other people's sexual details. It's really more about me, this is all about my own insecurities. That's why I don't want to hear about other people doing it.

So just try keeping to yourself, and avoid talking poorly about your friends, because they are your FRIENDS. Just try to be nice and wear hats that aren't offensive to minorities.


Saturday, May 14, 2016

The Opie and Anthony Show

I'm assuming most of the people that read these are not familiar. But they were a radio show on XM and may other networks for twenty years or so. I never listened to them on the radio, but I discovered them through Jim Norton and have watched/listened to a but hole load of their stuff on YouTube.

Anthony was fired about two years ago for ranting via Twitter about being attacked by a black woman, and it is now Opie with Jim Norton. But I am still able to listen to all of their old stuff, a lot of Patrice O'Neal who has been dead for 5 or so years. I discovered many other comics through their show, like Rich Vos, Colin Quinn, Bob Kelly, and many other Comedy Cellar Comics that bust each others balls mercilessly.

It is kind of a mean spirited radio show, they pick on the disabled and the ill advised, but it is hilarious. They had all of my favorite comics on their, and they just shit on each other. It's like rap battling without out rapping, but just quick witted meanness, and it's amazing to listen to.

This is one that made me laugh a LOT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgCLvNB9WTo
These guys are so dumb, and it's awesome!

This is the show that displayed all of Jim Norton's hilarious characters
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9TsLo5vlfg
 This is the long awaited animated show with all of Jim Norton's characters. There are plenty of long and short clips with all of these characters that are only audio.

I've never been a radio guy, but with YouTube, I am able to listen to these clips through my phone whenever I'm doing things with my hands or my legs. (Cooking, driving, running, playing video games.)  It's a good way for me to jam more comedy inside me when I can't watch a TV show.

It's really funny and it's worth a listen, especially the roasts they have. There are only a few, but the Early Norton Roast is incredible... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0ZQzhj_52c

Most people don't have this much time to "WASTE" but it's a great alternative to music, and it is more educational, at least for me, than music.

This adresses how I discovered them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDfm-tV6YAo

I have them to thank for not feeling so alone, and laughing my balls off.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Getting Fired

I have been fired a good amount of times. Probably more than most people my age. I am not a good employee. I usually don't give a hoot about my company or the work that 'we' do. The first job I think I was fired from was the South Barrington Club. I was a lifeguard. It's not that I don't care about people's safety, but I was busy with another lifeguard job in that summer of 2013. I missed four shifts, and I got a call on my way to work for the other lifeguard gig.

"Three strikes and you're out, Luke. There are people's lives at stake!" 

There were usually eight or so lifeguards on duty, so me missing was not risking anybody's life. And I had more than three strikes. They were going to fire me from that job a year earlier but I showed up to an in service (Monthly 1 hour meeting) and they kept me for some reason.

The next job I was fired from was Meatheads, a hamburger joint in Schaumburg (The Streets of Wood field) . This was a good job, I liked serving, the food and the employees. This was the summer of 2014, and I was drinking a lot and on new medication. So I came a half hour late once, got a bad review from a plant civilian (a food/employee inspector), and then came an hour and a half late. My boss had to fire me, I liked her a lot, I only went back there once.

2016 has not been that great in these regards. I was working at an Improv theater also in The Streets of Wood field the LOL Theater. This one I only missed twice, and I was fired over the phone. This was late January. It was a cool job, box office attendant. But I only worked like twice a month and it was minimum wage. I didn't make a lot of money. I was briefly dissapointed, but I soon got another weekend job with bad hours at Advanced Security Solutions. I ended things with ASS well, I can go back there anytime. Maybe, probably not. I just stopped answering their phone calls to work.

The most recent was this past Tuesday. Kuriyama an industrial hose warehouse, as a material handler and a forklift operator. I was waking up at 5am for a 6am-2:30pm shift, Monday through Friday. It was around $330 a week, more than I'm used to. This was obviously not ideal because I'm a night owl. I had showed up late 5-6 times. The latest I showed up was at 10am.. This past Monday I was 2 hours late. So after my shift this Tuesday the head boss man fired me and I had to hand over my badge and belt.

"This Monday was the straw that broke the camel's back."

I think those are all of the times I've been fired. I've had a lot of jobs, and have not stayed at many of them for long. So, hopefully creativity will work out for me sometime soon, or I'll get fired again and write another blog about it...

I have been fired again since this original posting. I worked at another Forklift  place called Van Guard. This was an easy gig. I forked around ALL day, driving pallets around the whole eight hours with three breaks, and the shift was 12-8:30 which is very good. I never came late, in fact I was often early. But I had an earlier obligation to take classes in Chicago Tuesday nights, 7-10 around three weeks in my working there. My boss accommodated for that, so Tuesdays I would work 8-4:30. Which I did once and really liked. But I then had to start going to Improv class on Thursday nights. So I asked to do 8-4:30 on Thursdays as well. My boss said he'd think about it. Then I got a call from the job agency that put me there and they said my contract had been terminated. 

Since then I have not had a job, it's been a month and a half. I am in Chicago now, and am going back to school. So I won't require a full time job anymore. I've been having to occupy my time with a lot of different things. Mostly not blogging or writing.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

I Watched '2 Girls 1 Cup' with my Dad

I've always wondered why or what has made me want to be a comedian. But this has to be the reason. When the 2 Girls 1 Cup video was spreading virally around 2007,  I'd been hearing a lot about it and my parents had watched already.

We had family over one evening for some holiday. And we were talking about it as a unit and my dad and I decided to branch off to go watch it... Or get it over with. I don't  know why he wanted to join me. 

"You know what... I should be there for my son for moral support and some good bonding time."

 It was horrific and I remember looking back at my dad's disgusted face a few times. Our relationship plateaued at that point and we didn't speak to each other for about 17 days. I may have watched it several times since then... But none of them were as special. 

Now what stemmed this memory was listening to a long Opie and Anthony audio clip and below is the reaction of Louie CK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rxh6_1xJPbE 

And the reaction from Bob Kelly which is FUCKING HILARIOUS
BUT THERE IS VOMITING IN THIS ONE SO......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfvVN5DLT-c 

I got the hiccups I laughed so hard at this.

That's it for me, good evening everybody!!!!