Sunday, December 27, 2015

Swiper... No swiping?

Dora The Explorer. Okay... his name is "Swiper" but he is not allowed to swipe. I feel like that is his job in life... to swipe. That has to be a demoralizing way to live your life. Constantly trying to do the only thing you know how to or deem worthy of doing. And a small Latina girl and her blue monkey friend are constantly interfering with your duties.

One would have to question God at this cruel and ironic cycle of living. What else does Swiper do with his free time? He has to be swiping from other people besides Dora and Boots to get his fix. Because he has to swipe. It's his name and everything he stands for as a being. 

Imagine what Swiper does when he goes home... He opens the door to his mother making a casserole in the kitchen. And his drunk father sitting on the couch watching sports...

 Mom: Hi Honey, how was your day today?

Swiper: Not great mom.
Dad: Let me guess, you've made a mockery of our name yet again.
Mom: Don't say that Harold. It's okay that you don't swipe honey.
Dad/Harold: No it's not! We're Swiper's, that's what we've been doing for centuries, and our son can't respect that! He's a pussy!
Swiper: I'm sorry Dad, I wish I could.
Harold: You would if you had any balls!
Mom: No don't hit him.
Mom: Run honey, run!
Dad: Shut up bitch, let me hit my son!
Swiper: Stop it Dad!

You could imagine what that does to a child over time. His father ashamed and embarrassed to have a weak son that does not honor his ancestry. And his poor mother stuck sacrificing herself for the sake of her son's inability to perform.

There really aren't any alarming repercussions for swiping either. It's only a small brown girl and her overly kind and helpful primate pal verbally warning him. Swiper could easily run away quickly with their belongings, or just beat them up.

What is Dora the Explorer really teaching us? Not to be true to ourselves? Only to listen while your wearing gloves and a protective mask. That's not right... That's not American... And Dora the Explorer is not American, but you all already knew that. 

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