Sunday, May 19, 2019

What to write about

My intention for this blog was to be funny and to share stories from my past. I have taken a turn into more self helpy, relationship and female exploration, the past few months/years.

I have found value in revealing myself and sharing details that may bring value to whoever reads this. I don't always enjoy knowing that people may know certain things about me, but I enjoy when other people sacrifice parts of themselves to create relatedness. It's also a way to satisfy my ego or put myself out there and be digested by folks. 

I have been very interested in women and relationships recently. I have done a lot of research on women, seduction and dating. I find it interesting and have more fin dating now. And, with having gone through a traumatic, long distance break up. I realized that I had been neglecting a lot of what I have been learning in this realm, in pursuit of keeping the relationship alive. I was angry for awhile, and regretful of having stayed in a relationship that I could have left awhile ago, and moved on before things got so ugly. 

I felt very hurt, and I victimized myself for how the relationship ended. I later realized that everything I did, allowed for it to end the way it did. Everything I ignored about her came out, and I felt I was being "punished" for being naive and ignoring reality. 

I am now single and dating, working a full time job, graduated college and performing improv shows regularly. I am writing songs, booking solo shows and creating other performance opportunities. My life is seemingly back on track completely. I have the necessary boxes checked that I wanted to have checked at this point. I still have a lot of thoughts about my life, and want a lot more with it. I thought I might feel differently if I had all of these boxes checked, but also knew that I wouldn't be "fixed".

I don't want to share some of this. I would prefer that my family not know some of the things I share on here. And I also get that not giving a fuck would better serve me in some areas. People will read this if they want, and people will stop half way through, or not bother at all. 

We are all going to be dead someday, so why does it matter what people think of you? Well, we have to deal with them and their opinions while we are alive. So other people's opinions seem like they have importance.

In general as people, we care about what we do, what others do, and how we are perceived by the people in our lives. So we abide by societal rules that puts lids on our self expression and our potential. We live by the direction that the voice in our heads try to steer us, and we think that the voice in our head is how life really is. We think the voice in our head is right, but it is mostly just trying to keep us out of harms way, or prevent us from being fully alive. 

I don't know what I'm really saying here. I don't feel I have put enough effort into this blog this year. I don't know if I really give a shit or if I am just manufacturing it. I don't want to appear as weak, I want people to like me, I want to appear as deep and authentic. I want people to read this and get something out of it, and to think more like me. I want to figure everything out, and I don't want to struggle, I want to be comfortable. I want to be getting blown all the time, and I know that that would get old.  I want to make ignorant trash raps songs that are nothing like this blog.

Thursday, April 4, 2019

My one day stand in Bath


The day was APRIL 3rd 2018

This was during my Easter Break in England. I had just had a series of adventures in Southern Ireland for a week. I went to Dublin, Galway, Ennis, Killarney, and back to Dublin, then came home to Bath for a couple of days. I had been abstinent for two weeks taking part in NoFap, (a popular phenomenon of refraining from pornography, masturbation and sex. Which I have taken on again this month of NoFApril) I was feeling happy and confident, and had a really productive morning, then I went to the gym. 

I went to go to the lockers I would  normally go to, but all of them were taken. So, instead I went up the stairs to the gym area to put my stuff in the lockers there. I was walking up and saw a beautiful girl. She kind of held the door open for me, she had a humungous and beautiful ass, and she had dark hair and brown eyes, I followed her to the lockers.

She took a locker to the right of me and I said hey, she said “Who me?” I said yeah, I asked for her name, she told me it was Beccy. I told her I was at Bath Spa University studying acting for the semester, obviously she noticed I was American. She said she was at a University in Newcastle (Northern England) studying medicine. It was very flirty and playful, then she left to go work out and I went on the treadmill.

I ran for a bit, then saw her at the leg machine and approached her again. We talked a bit about Newcastle and some other stuff, she told me that she was from Bath and was home on Easter break, I left her alone and lifted some weights after a few minutes.

Later she was in the stretching area. There were four mats on the stretching area. She was on the second one, and there were two girls on the third, and some one on the first one, so I went on the fourth one. I stretched there for awhile, I was thinking about asking these two girls to switch with me for awhile before I finally did. They did switch with me and Beccy smiled as I sat next to her and we began to talk again. She was extremely sexy and alluring, I was aroused and hard basically the whole time we were talking on the mats. It was so flirty and hot, our faces were getting very close in this gym. I added her on Facebook and said I looked forward to seeing her the next day. I messaged her later that night and suggested we meet up at a coffee place tomorrow, and she agreed.

APRIL 4th 2018

I waited for a couple of minutes in this coffee place until she arrived. We drank some coffee, and chatted, again throughout our entire date I was basically erect. We had a great chat, she was very curious and interesting. I suggested that we go somewhere else, and whenever I would name a place she said she didn't want to go there. She was quite stubborn. Instead she wanted to drive me to a different town called Bradford on Avon, so we got in her car and went there.

It was a beautiful little town, we walked around for a bit and then got some lunch. I asked her what the craziest thing she’d ever done was. She said that she broke into an abandoned home and had sex with her boyfriend on the roof of it. She talked a bit about having sex in public as well, (In bathrooms, on playgrounds etcetera).

We walked around a bit after lunch, it was a beautiful day, we saw a cat walking on a ledge, we pet it for a bit. Later we were walking down some steps, I was in front of her and stopped to kiss her, as she was more on my height level to do so comfortably. (She was 5'2).

We drove back home and I let her know that I was attracted to her and wanted to have sex with her. She was giving my minor excuses for awhile, but I knew she wanted to as well, then she said she would if she could find somewhere to park. Which we did.

We parked up and walked past my friend Bamf who smiled and winked at me. We went up to my room and had a 20 minute shag.

I walked her back to her car and said goodbye, I then walked over to Bamf and talked about what had just happened. He was my buddy that I made over there, he worked as a street vendor, and was someone I visited often.

This was a great and unique experience and a chance happening that I am proud of pulling off. She was a girl that grew up in Bath who was back on her Easter Break, and I was only back for two days during my Easter break and connected with her randomly. I also found that afterwards I was thinking of ways that I could have had more fun with her, and still in amazement that it happened.

After she left I watched cartoons in my room for a bit. Then I went and hung out with my parents and sister, as they’d come to England to visit me for about a week. We went on a trip together around Bath, Oxford, Liverpool and London. That was the best sexual part of the best Easter break of my life so far. 

This happened a year ago today 4/4. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

"Behind every great man, there is a great woman."

This is not entirely true. There are plenty of great men who are not married or involved in monogamous relationships. There are even great men who died as virgins such as, Nikola Tesla , Sir Isaac Newton, and J. Edgar Hoover. So this quote is inaccurate, and I find it to be women trying to take credit for the great things that men do AKA trying to bring men down.

Read this article in it's entirety before commenting or judging me, it is extensively thought out.

To me, some of Feminism can be bringing men down to the level that women are at in comparison to men to "be equal". It feels like making what it is to be masculine a bad thing. MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT. Women are better at other things too.

Other comments like "The future is female" is frightening to me. What is going to happen to men, especially "great" men if "the future is female"? The phrase on it's own sounds like women are going to take over men.

Toxic masculinity is talked about a lot, and toxic femininity is not very often. Which are terms that are not concrete or easily definable, by the way. Just like MISOGYNY is talked about a lot and thrown around frivolously. And MISANDRY is a term that a lot of people are not even familiar with.

Here is Candice Owens who speaks on Feminism, in a male positive way.

Women do great things as well, I just don't find it valid that because they are with that great man, that they deserve the same level of credit that the great man gets. I imagine that the great man will give his wife or girlfriend credit for supporting him if he is awarded something.

BECAUSE, on the flip side, great men are also at risk of being taken down or taken advantage of by a woman. This is extremely evident in history and in society. Look at Kobe Bryant, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Derrick Rose, and Patrick Kane. I would consider their athletic abilities and level of financial wealth to be "great". They have all been accused of things by women, and accused publicly, and more harshly, due to their "greatness" and level of celebrity. So, behind these "great" men, were women who accused them of certain things, or were rewarded financially for being married to them, then divorcing them. 

Yes, there are men in these positions with great wives and marriages, but their is also high risk for these men. And I'm saying, that men should be careful when entering into a relationship. 

Many men in entertainment, athletics, or in other positions of power and wealth are at risk of being taken advantage of by a woman. Generally, women find power and wealth to be attractive, among other things. Certain women go for these men, even (especially) when these men are married or have girlfriends. Women are more attracted to men who other women want. 

This is in nature and in history. Straight women can have adverse reactions to single men, their thoughts may be, "Why is he single? Something must be wrong with him." Where as, if he has a wife or a girlfriend she may think, "If he can please that woman in bed and keep her around, I bet he could please me in bed." Not all women are like this, but I'm sure many women have had these thoughts.

Men at certain levels of status are tempted by many women, when they make themselves available to these men. There is a level of power and temptation that beautiful women possess. Men being visual creatures, we are attracted to beautiful women, and certain men give in to these levels of temptation. Then they get divorced from their wives, and end up paying them A LOT of money in alimony. With more money than is necessary, they pay based on what they are worth.

It is put brilliantly and hilariously by Bill Burr right here.

Men are also accused of something by women who are trying to get a payout. Like Derrick Rose and Patrick Kane, these two men who could walk in to any bar in Chicago and meet an attractive and willing woman to sleep with. Thinking about this logically, it is highly unlikely that either of these men had to force themselves onto women for sex. Their charges were dropped, because the claims were made out of trying to get a payout. 

I'm not saying that all women want to take men down, and that men don't do irresponsible things with their genitalia. I'm just saying that women are not always the victims, and men are not always the cause of the damage.

It is in men's nature to want to have sex with a lot of beautiful women regardless of being married or in a relationship. With laws and social rules, it is frowned upon and punishable when a man cheats on his wife or girlfriend. A lot of people don't like what it is to be a man. In my opinion, that is a part of the modern feminist movement. That men are constantly oppressing women. Masculine men being people who take bold risks and break through barriers is how our country was founded and built. Creating the modern platform for people to complain about it and criticize it without being murdered, ostracized or imprisoned like in other countries.

There is a lot of manipulation in the world. Especially with dating, and in relationships. People are not honest with their intentions, and the consequences of duplicity are inevitable. Men and women both manipulate each other without noticing it as well. People want things from other people, and are not totally honest with their intentions, due to the possible consequences of being totally honest.

Don't get married to someone if you want to sleep with multiple people. Let people know that you are not interested in monogamy if that is the case.

I think there are both great men and great women in society. There are also bad men and bad women in society, who want to seek revenge on the opposite sex and take advantage of people. For their money, material objects, looks etcetera. Straight men want to be with lots of different partners, and women want a man who will stick by them and not mess around with other women. 

WHY?!??! I have my own theory... Back in caveman times. Cavemen were roaming around and sleeping with pretty cave ladies. These pretty cave ladies got pregnant. Then these cavemen kept going around getting more cave ladies pregnant. Of course the cave lady wants this caveman to be there for her while she is pregnant, and when she gives birth to the cave baby. So they can raise this baby together, and make it a productive and effective human being. Men don't always want to do that, it feels good to get with lots of cave ladies, but there becomes a responsibility when getting someone pregnant, and raising a child with that person. This makes sense in a modern society with rules.

A lot of men get women pregnant, then they leave. Which leaves the mother alone to raise her kids by herself. Of course women are pissed off at men for doing this among other things, and want men to take responsibility and to be something other than their nature. Because this kind of male behavior happens, and creates more human beings not being raised by two parents.

My theory bleeds into casual sex and relationships too. It is the baseline for how heterosexual men and women are with each other. In general, men want a lot of different women, and want to have lots of sex, and in general, women want a stable partner who won't sleep around with other people. The opposite can also be true too, because women like sex just as much.

Women are just as horny as men, stop pretending like you are a prudish good girl when you just want some good dick. There is nothing wrong with that. The clitoris has double to three times the amount of nerve endings that the tip of a penis has. So this myth that men are hornier than women is not true. 

In society, there is a double standard of players and sluts with men and women, and it's bull shit. People should not be shamed for having or wanting a lot of sex. Go have fun and get some good sex. Just don't lie or fuck anyone over to do it. 

These are all my own thoughts, interpretations, and ideas about men and women based on my own research, experience, and opinions. I am open to discuss this with anyone. 

I have issues with Feminism and Misandry, most people don't know what Misandry is... if you don't, then Google it. Misogyny is a word that is thrown around a lot and frivolously, and Misandry is not. 
I think men are being made to feel wrong for being masculine. What is happening is against nature. It will not end well if all men are turned into submissive beta males.

Men and women both do great things, let's appreciate what we both can do. I say we all let each other have our fun, and stop getting so fucking offended.

To quote the great Jim Carrey, "Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes." Smh.

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Gossip

Language is used to create life, and a lot of us use language to comment on life. We all have opinions, about our family members, our friends, people, politics, and social issues, etcetera. We have thousands of thoughts everyday, and nothing is ever perfect in our lives, so we project and comment about other things. I am guilty of it too. We have a choice, everyday to use language to create in our lives, or to comment on what others are creating.

People have a lot to say, especially when someone else is getting a lot of attention for something they disagree on. Just look at celebrities, some people love them, and some people hate them, and certain people feel the need to speak out, people like to be heard and understood.

In doing something noble, or bold, or controversial, people around you are going to have comments and opinions about it. Especially if they disagree with what is being done, or if they don't have much going on in their own lives to be proud of.

I experienced this quite a bit in going to Columbia College Chicago, where being a straight white alpha male is basically frowned upon. I was in the minority, which I don't mind, at times I felt wrong for being who I was, and in general, not very accepted. I met some really cool people there, but overall, the ideologies and philosophies of most students there didn't go along with my own. I made attempts to be kind to some of these students, and was ignored, so I gave up on going out of my way to be nice to people who didn't reciprocate mutual respect. I am grateful for all of my experiences at this school, I learned from them all, and met some other awesome, independent thinking, and talented people.

In the beginning of this year of 2018, I spent 6 months studying in England, with a lot of students who were mostly quite younger than me. Being the American student popping in for only 6 months I can understand that people had a lot of thoughts about me. I came from a different culture, with my own intentions, and I did some things that got some reactions. I'm sure people said a lot of things about me, and may continue to. Again, I met some amazing people, who were great to me, and who I consider friends. This experience changed my life and was absolutely incredible, I grew so much and am grateful. Having said that, being American, I felt misunderstood at times, as our culture is different, and my actions and words were seen through English eyes.

I met a lot of people, and did some things that people did not agree with.  I have experienced some feelings of remorse, as certain things did not go as I'd planned, or didn't end well. I left England, and won't be going back anytime soon, and want certain things to be okay. Ultimately I was trying to make a difference for people, while honoring myself, and things got messy at times. I have love for everybody I encountered there.

People like to spread juicy gossip, and exaggerate, and spread rumors and all of that. It's an easy way to avoid your own shit. Also, being an actor, a lot of us have issues with being insecure, and like to look at other people by nature. It is much easier to look at other peoples faults rather than search for and notice your own and attempt to improve.

When gossiping, the truth can get muddied, and facts can be altered. People also have their own narratives running through their heads, based on what has happened to them in their lives, and how they were raised among other factors. Things that we see, and information and events are filtered through our personal narratives, and there is only so much you can do to get people to see things your way. So trying to get everybody to see your exact point of view and where you are coming from, is basically impossible.

I want people to like me, and I want to be understood, but compromising who I am is not okay for me. Getting people to like you for who you are not, will require you to keep being that person for these people to keep liking you. Being who you are unapologetically, allows you to find the "real" people who will be your friends, and weed out the "pretenders". These "real" people will like and appreciate you for who you are, and for being and honoring yourself. Like Dr. Seuss said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." I be that Dr. Seuss quoting manes.

I found at times that I was people pleasing, and that can result in being mistreated, and feeling unfulfilled. I was compromising who I was, and what I wanted some of the time. When I went to England, I wanted to learn, to explore, to meet people, and especially meet women. I found at times I was cautious about going for what I wanted, out of fear of being judged, fear of being gossiped about, and being ostracized. Being that I was most likely never going to see these people ever again, "I had nothing to lose" but as a human, I wanted to feel accepted and understood, while also feeling personally fulfilled. I also care about the affect I have on people, and how they are left due to my words and actions.

Gossiping brings negative energy to the person who gossips. I think a good rule to know if it is gossip or not, is to think "Would I say this to this person's face?" Because if you were to say this to the person's face, then you actually care about them, and would be doing it to allow them to improve from this information. Based on what it is that was being said, would you actually say it to the persons face?

I have heard some people I consider to be "nice", say some nasty things about other people. And as a bystander witnessing gossip... Why wouldn't this person say something nasty about me when I'm not around? That is a signal that is being given off to the people you are gossiping to. 

I sometimes get upset when I think about people that don't like me, and are possibly talking shit about me. Although, I should get used to it, being in pursuit of comedy, writing, hip hop, acting and that kind of stuff where criticism is part of the game, and people aren't going to like me for being me. And for pursuing my dreams and being creatively productive. More people will become exposed to me and my views with the more success I gain. So it's all part of it, and it's all training and development.

I love and care about people, and it's best not to talk shit about them, in my opinion. It is better to send out positive vibes, and receive positive vibes from the universe, and the people in your lives. Because we are all going through life together and separately, and a lot of us are struggling. So you're better off being kind, or minding your own business, and creating your life with language and actions! Happy holidays!

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

My night with Dirty Mo

There is a man named Mo, he is about 39 years old now I think, I called him Dirty Mo because he often times would talk to and about women. And would flirt with them a lot, and was generally horny a lot it seemed. I saw him talking to a lady once, and after wards he said "I could see her coochie through her pants." This was a guy that I met at the Second City Improv Jam about 4 years ago. The first time I met him I got a weird vibe, a vibe that I did not want to be around. He had a bandage on his hand from burning it. And he seemed odd, and something told me to avoid him. But I had seen him a few times after that, and got along somewhat, and somehow, we decided to hang out one night and I spent the night at his place. As I was living in the suburbs at the time, and wanted to stay in the city for the weekend.

So this weekend started at us doing the improv jam. Then hanging out after at a bar near there. At the bar Dirty Mo was talking to some women, and I kept calling him Dirty Mo, and he said to me "Stop calling me Dirty Mo." I didn't want to do this because I felt he was Dirty Mo. We met up with a friend named Mac, who invited us to his place after to smoke weed. So Dirty Mo drove us over to Mac's. We got there and started smoking a bit. Then I had to go to the bathroom, so I did. When I came out Dirty Mo was in the middle of telling a story about how he got some girl to show him her "coochie" in a bathroom somewhere like a bar or restaurant. I believe I called him out for being so  dirty, and justifying my nickname for him, or I probably just thought that. We talked for a bit longer, then we left Mac and Dirty Mo drove me back to his place. On the way home he was telling me stories about hotel rooftop parties and meeting beautiful women, going to high class strip clubs and getting into the VIP section and lap dances and what not.

We finally got back to his place and on his door there was a sign that said "Beware of Dog". We walked in, and sat down. I looked around and did not see a dog present. So I asked him where the dog was, and he replied "I'm the dog bitch!"

We continued to sit there until he went to the closet to grab his guitar. Dirty Mo felt he was rather skilled at playing guitar, but he played some notes for me rather poorly. It was probably about 2am and I decided I was tired and went to sleep on his couch. I started to go to sleep and he threw me a blanket after awhile. Waking up the next morning, we mostly hung out and watched TV all day, one thing we watched was the Beastie Boys film with Seth Rogen, Danny McBride and Elijah Wood. He claimed it was one of the greatest things on YouTube. It was pretty good, it also had John C. Reily, Will Ferrell, and Jack Black.

We left his place after four or five hours of not doing anything outside of TV watching. We went back to Second City and got dinner at Corchorans across the street with a friend named, Chip. Dirty Mo was getting on my nerves by this point. He was trying to hit on the waitress quite a bit, and Chip and I were forced to put up with him being strange at the table. Mo and I left to go see an improv show, it was fantastic, it's called "The Boys" and consists of some of the top instructors at Second City. After that show I left back to Palatine, and I had forgotten a sweatshirt or something with Dirty Mo, I believe I got it back from him later.

Probably a year later or so, I was at another theater and saw a picture of him. And next to it said,
"If you see this man, call the police." He had been accused of grabbing or harassing a woman at some other theater. And now has a notorious reputation around the improv community of being dirty.
I knew there was something dirty about Dirty Mo, that's why I called him that. He tried to deny it to get the ladies, but he was dirty for the ladies and their "coochies".


Friday, October 26, 2018

Cell phones and the Internet

This idea is fresh because my friend Junie McGraw wrote a poem about cell phones. I have an issue with the amount of cell phone use among people. I was at a restaurant recently and saw a middle aged couple sitting on their phones. The woman had TWO cell phones and was alternating between the two. If they had any conversation it involved one of them complaining to the other about something they were showing them on their cell phone. So I projected that these two were not happily married, and go out to restaurants to feel somewhat alive and break out of the monotonous cycle of their pathetic lives. That may not have been the case, but seeing them interact with each other so little made me dislike them.

When I was single and dating, I often found I had to combat with a woman's cell phone. I would try to talk to them and would feel thwarted by them ignoring me with their screen. Then I realized that that meant they had no interest in me, and my approach was most likely poor. Imagine the amount of people that we don't allow ourselves to meet. Technically you could meet someone on a train or a bus and become great friends with them, or fall in love with them.

If you are on any train or bus or elevator or walking down the street. 99% of people are looking at their phones. There could 30 people on a train and there is no one talking at all. I saw a friend of mine waiting in a lounge area at Second City reading a book. There were fifteen other people there all on their phones, I approached him saying "You're the only one not on your phone here." And no one looked up or heard me or cared.

We are all addicted to our phones, and we don't have to deal with reality anymore because we can avoid it with our phones. If something you don't want to deal with is happening, just pull out your phone. I wake up and it is the first thing I look at. I take it to the bathroom with me, the idea of taking a shit without looking at it is preposterous, and valuable time where I could be texting somebody.

And we can do SO MUCH with our phones and the internet. It is an amazing device that we have. We are able to connect with so many people now. That's how I was able to start dating my lady in England. We met, added each other on Facebook, then set up a date through texting on there. Now, having been away from each other for four months, we are able to text and call everyday with no charges. It is amazing, and something that wouldn't be possible 15-20 years ago. So I am grateful for that. Without that, I probably wouldn't be going to see her in December, and would have no idea what she was going through and we could easily lose contact.

One thing that really attracted me to Georgia, and showed that she really cared about me and people in general was, we were out to lunch and she was texting on her phone for a bit and said, "Sorry, I had to text my friend." Then she put it down. She was aware, and conscious that she was using it and was considerate of me and my time and value as a person in front of her. I was really impressed by that, and made me notice and fall in love with her more quickly.

So yes it is both good and bad, I request that you all be conscious of your cell phone use, and notice when you are on it for no reason, and put it down for a bit.


Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Comedy and School


I realized later in life that I had been studying stand up, TV shows, movies and sketch comedy as a kid. Shows like "Always Sunny", "The Simpsons", "South Park", "Family Guy" "The Whitest Kids U know", "Mad TV", "SNL", and comedians like Ralphie May, Jim Gaffigan, and Nick Swardson, etcetera. Watching their specials because they made me feel good, and I could connect to things that they were saying. Listening to them share their struggles and experiences, and seeing them use these struggles to make a living and generate laughter for others was amazing to me. 

Watching Ralphie May talk about doing acid, and how to do it properly made me think “Oh wow, you can talk about this stuff and not get in trouble for it? Also, you can do acid and it doesn’t ruin your life.” And with Ralphie May being overweight, he inspired me to feel confident about myself. I still didn't for a long time, and can still struggle to.

Jim Gaffigan talked a lot about being lazy, and overweight, and this also helped me feel better about myself as a shy and depressed thirteen year old. Nick Swardson talking about staying up until 6am playing video games and getting angry with ten year old German kids beating him online made me think, “Oh you can still be successful in life even if you play video games that much.” Stuff like this made me feel good, and assured me that I don't have to listen to everything adults I am in contact with tell me, especially teachers. Because these people that I like and who make me laugh are saying things that I agree with and go against what is "supposed" to work in life, according to authoritative figures.

In my traditional schooling they taught me to go for what is safe, and to get good grades so I could get a decent job and have stability. Watching comedy specials and TV shows and movies showed me the exciting and fun aspects of entertainment and life, and that you don’t have to stick to a traditional path. That’s what initially got me into comedy, I was at Souther Illinois University in Carbondale, and not liking being in university there. I was obsessed with trying stand up and I did, and did it 17 more times before I left there after a year.

I was in a couple of film classes, and some of the teachers were still saying things like “If you don’t pay attention, you won’t pass the class, then you won’t get a degree and will end up on the street...” These people actually believed this stuff, so looking back I’m not that mad at them. At the time I was pissed off about people saying that shit to me. I think it’s a toxic thing to say to young people, most of us believe that and go to school under the illusion that we need a degree to be successful. This same teacher was about 40 years old and shared that she was still in debt to her education, and she believed it was worth it. She was nice enough, but I felt that she was perpetuating a vicious cycle of going to school to get to degrees to be in debt. 

Some of my friends went to school for accounting or some malarkey. Got through their classes, and studied for their tests using Aderall and other drugs to stay up late and study, and to do well on tests. They suffered through their classes, binge drinking and snorting amphetamines throughout their time at school. Complaining and trying to forget their classes during the week. Now they are graduated, and some are still taking these drugs and binge drinking to forget about their shitty jobs. Because they bought into the illusion that you “NEED” a degree to get a safe job. 

I may look like a hypocrite, because I am currently in school for acting, which you don't need a degree for. I am meeting a lot of people in this field in Chicago, have been able to travel to Prague, and England for terms abroad, and won't be in debt when I graduate. My parents and other people encouraged me to go back, I did after taking six months off, and am glad I did. I had amazing times studying overseas! I am lucky that my parents can afford it, otherwise I would have stuck with an Associates degree. Back to comedy.

I some comedy, people think about what’s in front of them, what is seen as the status quo, and rebel against it because there is something not right about following the system. Because the system is meant to keep us in line, and to go with the flow because it’s easy for the system to make us stop asking so many questions. I'm not really sure what "the system" is, maybe the government, or some powers that make things hard for people. I'm a low key conspiracy theorist I suppose. And feel like people and things want us to sit down and shut up, rather than go for our dreams. It’s important to have philosophies, to challenge what everyone else is doing if it doesn't feel right. And to think and discuss things that are going on in your life.
      
Satire really spoke to me as a kid. Being able to make a point about something was what I felt I needed to do to be truly heard. And having my own thoughts validated by older, smarter, funny people made me see it as possible for myself. Watching funny stuff growing up made me believe that I could do it, because I had similar thoughts and ideas about life. It would upset me when I heard my friends say they were not creative. For awhile I didn’t understand why people wouldn’t want to make a living making people laugh. Pointing out the flaws and hypocrisy’s in society and humanity, and exploring the human condition. 

I think I somehow connected school and comedy here. Ultimately I am glad I went to Columbia College Chicago. I have met some great people, learned some great things, and am so grateful for spending a month in Prague, Czech Republic, and six months in Bath, England where I met some incredible students, friends and teachers and a truly amazing girl who I am in love with (Georgia). I am ready to graduate in December, and be done with it, and am glad that I did it. And have been doing some form of comedy since I started October 23rd in 2013 at an open mic in Carbondale.